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About a year after DH proposed, my former boss asked me to come out to Seattle to work for him. We lived on the east coast at the time. DH ended up moving with me. It was a big move for both of us but it was a great opportunity to advance my career. DH did struggle with the it after we moved. It was hard for him to leave all of his family and friends. It was a big change for him. I left my family and friends, too, but I was not the one following someone. So I knew it would be hard on him. After resolving some attachment issues DH had with his mom and then drama with the wedding, we both know how good this move was for us. We had to rely on ourselves and our relationship to get passed issues.. and not turn to family and friends. It made us more independent. We both grew up. We are hoping to move back east once these babies come and because of our IF journey, we both are surprised we are still living out here. Starting a family is something that we've struggled with and affected our decision to move back sooner. On the upside, staying at my current company has helped us become a lot more financially stable. I'm not sure we would be where we are at if I moved back east a year or two years ago. The east coast is still sorta struggling in my industry so I am pretty grateful that we stayed. Not sure we would have been able to afford IVF without my current job.

For me, it would totally depend on where. DH was seriously considering moving pretty far in the interview process for a job in a place that I had lived before and I didn’t like. After some wrangling, he declined to move forward, and it actually helped us in the end as we both got a new jobs and or promotions that wouldn’t have happened if we had moved to this new place.

We don’t live near family, and we don’t want to live where our families live. For personal and professional reasons where they live are not good places for our family. Also most of my family lives in another country anyway. I think if you depend on your family for a lot of help, then it will be a big change to move far away from them. Friendships change over time, and I find now between work and family that I don’t have as much to give friendships as I did before even though they are still important to me.

That said I would give up a lot for an expat opportunity, which I know isn’t most people’s cup of tea.

@aprild: where do you live now? I'm guessing middle of the US from what you're saying. Would anywhere else be a compromise? The RTP area of North Carolina is a huge area for developers. A lot of companies that are based in Silicon Valley have hubs here. Is there any potential for him to work remotely for one of those companies?

I did this two years ago We lived in NYC, moved to Texas for a great opportunity for my H. It was a big change, and I'm not usually that good with change, but somehow it just seemed right. We were both getting kind of sick of NY and we were newly married, no kids so it was basically like, "Why not?" It took some adjusting -- the hardest part was that I didn't have a job when we moved. I was lucky enough to get one within about two weeks but I hated my first job. I love my current (second) job, though, so I'm really happy with the decision now. If you're a SAHM, the job thing won't be a big deal. I think the other difficult adjustment is meeting people and making friends. Though I'm sure you could join some local mom groups and meet people that way! The only thing I don't like is living so far from family.

I would and I have. I look at what is best for our little family, not what is going to make our extended family happiest. When leaving Australia, my family was devastated that we chose to move to England instead of back to the US, but it was the best decision for us and our family. The four of us have to take priority now, not the wishes of our extended families.

That being said, I've been a nomad since the age of 25 (more than 10 years now) and am constantly travelling and moving - so it wasn't a totally foreign concept to pack up our lives and move overseas. I like adventure and whilst starting over again can be a bit scary, it also can be quite fun and empowering!

A few years ago, yes, absolutely. Now that we have (almost) two kids, and a TON of family around to help, I'd be devastated. I'd go...but be upset about it.

I moved to the city we are in now for my then fiancé and now husband. I love where we are but it has me 6 hrs away from my family and almost 3 from his. We have a great support system here with friends but if we ended up moving it would be to a) get closer to family or b) because he gets a great job opportunity somewhere else which would allow me to stay at home and not work and live more than comfortably.

DH is in tech right now and opportunities come up on the west coast. When the right one comes along, I'll be packing up! I can do my work anywhere so it wouldn't be a hard transition.

@aprild: It might be worth it for him to check it out!

For the right opportunity, I would definitely consider moving to certain places. We seriously considered moving for my husband's job 2 years ago.

@aprild: SF/Bay Area could be huge for your husband's career, but there are also other places that are great like Seattle, Austin and Raleigh.

It's pretty much off the table. This is where all my family is and we decided to set down roots here. My parents are also in the process of selling their home to move to our city to be close to us/LO, which we would not let them do if we weren't planning to stay here. Plus we like where we live.

Wow what a timely post.....DH just brought up he wants to apply for a job that would be a huge career jump for him last night. (he was approached by a recruiter). At first I was really upset...we just moved to our current city almost two years ago, bought a house, we are relatively close to our families....oh and I'm 8 months pregnant. I think the hormones are to blame for me not being happy with the idea. Well I had the night to calm down and think about it and I feel
much better this morning. I SAHM so it wouldn't affect my career....I make friends easily and it would kind of be exciting to be in a new place. The area we would have to move to is nice and desirable. I guess I just felt sad that I had just gotten settled in with my current situation and the thought of potentially getting uprooted just when I have a support group, etc, made me sad. But who knows....it's a big jump and he says it's a long shot. But I will support him if it's what he really wants and he would be doing it for the family. I really don't have any compelling reasons for him NOT to do it.....

@aprild: I'm the spouse who wanted to move long distance, which was away from all of DH's family/friends/everything he knew. He stepped out on faith with me, and he absolutely loves it. He says he was nervous, but would do it again. It's going to be hard, and after 3 years we are still building our network of friends (it's harder once you're no longer in college), but we are happy. I think it's important for everyone's concerns to be treated as valid. Even if it's as simple as making a pro/con list, and then talking it out. That's what we did, and it helped put everything out there.

When we were engaged, DH graduated college, and his best job offer ($20,000 more per year than next best) was 1100 miles away from where we lived. It was a bit scary, but we moved the wedding sooner (since he would be moving right away, and I would only join him after we were married, we didn't want to wait a year like we'd planned) and made it work. I wound up loving it in the new city (Denver), and would love to liver there forever. The job requires him to be able to move whenever, though so far we've only moved once (back home, interestingly). We're planning to put in for international if anything good comes available. They just won New Zealand, so we might ask to go there!

So all that to say, I'm totally fine with moving far from family (if anything, I prefer it), even if it's somewhere entirely new.

I would be completely against it. We are near our families and while I could work remotely I love where we live.