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Yesterday was my birthday and first Mothers Day. He did way more for you than what was done for me- and I was thrilled with the day. I guess it's just about communication and managing expectations. I knew what I wanted to do- planned it. Invited family and friends and it was exactly how I wanted to spend the day. If you want something IMO you need to ask for it or plan it yourself, it sounds like dropping a hint was not enough. At least you have a kind loving husband year round and a baby at home- you live a life someone else is wishing/praying for- I don't think you are being a brat- but it sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for.

@Meowkers: I don't think you're being a brat. I'm actually relieved to see this post since I'm trying not to bum on my mother's day. My MIL and her sister flew in for a 6 day visit. I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I told DH when they bought tickets he better be on his game having 3 mothers in the house. And he did nothing but make our normal Sunday breakfast. I asked him to plan something but he couldn't come up with anything all of us could do. No card, no craft from LO. To be fair, both DH & I were sick. I would normally have slightly higher expectations. He usually does pretty well.

I didn't expect much this Mother's Day but after morning didn't really pan out I decided to take things into my own hands. I ended up coordinating an outing and baking brownies with LO for myself. I asked him to take some pics of me, my belly, and LO1 baking. Just like any other day I find I'm happier if I choose to do things to make myself happier and not wait for others to do it.

Agree with the PPs. It's totally ok to be disappointed - it's natural. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and he invited his family over a BBQ without asking me what I wanted to do, and then on Saturday he announced he needed to get the lawn mower fixed and was gone for 4 hours leaving me to take care of our 3 year old and clean the house. Then on Sunday it was 90 degrees and we have no AC and I swelled up like crazy and had to wash all the dishes while he hung out with his family and I had to give our son a bath twice because he was so hot and sticky all day.

He did however get me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and two very sweet cards and the cushion foundation I wanted.

@Corduroy: AGREED. This, exactly. We are in charge of our own happiness, at the end of the day. I, too, am happier when I take charge of something important to me!

@wrkbrk: what you said! I am responsible for my own happiness. So true!

@wrkbrk: This is one of our solutions too - Amazon wish lists are great too. My husband has a list of my favorite local spa, craft stores, etc. and other places I would love a gc from. Makes it not only easy for him to give gifts, but also if anyone else asks him what I might like for my birthday, etc.

I think the fact that you're venting here instead of complaining and picking a fight at home shows that you aren't being a brat. I do think your expectations may have been a little high, or maybe just different (wanting an activity more than a gift?) but as others have said if you communicate that it sounds like he would be willing to oblige!

I agree that communicating what you want out of the day--ie quality, special time--is what's important. But I also understand exactly how you're feeling. I was disappointed with Mother's Day this year too and I was kind of pouty about it, and I feel bad. Dh got me flowers, chocolate, and a card just felt kind of impersonal, like things he thinks he should do rather than what I would want, if that makes sense? And actually, there was stress about the delivery of all those that just brought negativity to the day (chocolates were supposed to arrive w flowers but didn't and I got them today, card was supposed to come by Sat but didn't and came today...). I was the one who woke up early with dh while he slept in. For lunch we went to a nice lunch, but it wasn't really "special" or about me-- we went to a restaurant that his bff just started managing and that we've been meaning to go to anyway. It was hot and crowded and both dh and dd were cranky. Dd didn't really nap all day and then threw a huge tantrum on the subway and walk home and I was really upset and felt like people were looking at me like I was a horrible mother on Mother's Day bc she wouldn't stop crying...fun, right? I mean, dh did do things for the day and planned an outing, but it just didn't feel like it was about me as much as about doing what he was "supposed" to do, if that makes sense...Also, he already got an expensive Father's Day gift early (he asked for hockey playoff tix a couple weeks ago as a present in advance), and that doesn't seem equivalent to flowers, ya know?

I feel for you I'm glad you got to vent it out. My first Mother's Day yesterday too was a bust and let me just say that I didn't even get a "Happy Mother's Day" from DH until well after 2pm, after I got upset about it. I didn't get a single thing yesterday either so whoop!

I don't think you're being a brat but you need to tell your DH what your expectations for that day are. The day you described would be the perfect day for my DH. His perfect day is relaxing at home as a family. But for me I want to get out and do stuff as a family for the portion of the day then relax the other half.
Maybe he thought because you were out Saturday that Sunday you'd want to be home just chilling. He can't know if you don't tell him. Don't set him up for failure and yourself up for disappointment!

I'm going to go against the grain and say that I never demand things of my husband or tell him what I expect/want for these holidays. What is the point of someone giving you a gift or celebrating you if they are just following orders. Doesn't seem very sincere to me. I wanted brunch at a certain place for Mother's Day so I went ahead and made reservations and I'm fine with that. I don't see the point of me telling my husband to make a reservation. Your husband gave you some really thoughtful gifts, I would just be appreciative of what he did do.

@regberadaisy: right, but I just did it myself, rather than dictating someone else to do something for me.

I see what @Truth Bombs: is saying. While I'm happy to offer gift ideas when my husband asks, I'd rather certain things unfold, organically. Personally, I feel awkward dictating exactly how I'd like to be romanced on Valentine's Day, or honored on Mother's Day. If I want to celebrate our anniversary by getting away for a weekend, we plan it together. If the weather is fabulous and I'd like to spend my birthday grilling at the beach, I'll speak up. Otherwise, I kinda let it happen. My husband's a good guy, he knows what I like, and his efforts are almost always sweet, in retrospect.

I guess I've just learned, over the years, to really tone down my expectations for holidays. I remember when I was in my early twenties and I'd get seriously butthurt when NYE didn't end up being some epic affair. I needed to stop micromanaging. Not saying this is what's going on here, just speaking as a former over analyzer of holidays.

I agree with @deerylou: , tv, movies, celebrity culture can really make one discouraged on holidays. It sounds like your husband made a good effort to honor you, but I wouldn't express dissatisfaction to him. Use Fathers' Day as an opportunity to demonstrate the type of effort you would enjoy around these holidays.

@jedeve: my husband would never in a million years feel like I didn't celebrate him "properly" on Father's Day no matter what I did. And yes, I think it's ungrateful to be more concerned about what some DIDN'T do for you than focus on what they did do for you.

@Truth Bombs: but I think you can accept what works in your relationship might not be what works in someone else's. And that doesn't make them ungrateful.

I used to put a lot of effort into my husband's gifts. They were always very thoughtful and he appreciated them. But it never seemed right. So I asked him, and he said he doesn't get that excited about gifts, but he likes when we play fun activities. So now for his birthday and Father's Day I ask him what he wants to do and we organize a fun trip or activity. He's much happier.

Would I have preferred he had bottled that up, while I wasted money on material objects that he wasn't that into, and spent his specialty days thinking "man a trip to the lake would have been fun?" Of course not! I want to do what he wants.

Of course he was still grateful (as is the OP), but it's not what made him the happiest.

I think telling wives they shouldn't say anything and just accept what their husbands do and never speak up for themselves is a little 1950s for me. It's fine if you aren't that into holidays like Mother's Day. But some people enjoy it. Moms play martyr enough and the idea that they shouldn't even enjoy one day a year that recognizes motherhood is a little too much mommy martyr for me.

I felt the same way yesterday. I was so so disappointed and I felt so selfish and immature for it. I told my man that I wanted a card and flowers several times in advance because he isn't the best at holidays (To be fair neither am I). I wanted to be clear with expectations so I wouldn't be disappointed. I remember growing up my mom would always be all pissy with my dad on bdays/holidays and I just so didn't want to be like that. I also ordered a kindle paperwhite for myself so I really shouldn't complain.

He made breakfast for me and let me sleep in for a bit. Then I fed the baby and put him down for a nap. And then I lounged around, took a bath, relaxed and dh handled wake up. But after maybe 1.5 hours he came and got me with our slightly fussy son. With the complaint not that he needed to eat or even that he had trouble calming him but that "he was over it" (or something along those lines). I still can't believe that he said that. He couldn't suck it up while I finished getting ready?

And no card no flowers. I am so so sad about that still. His reasoning was that he had no time to get away. So basically blaming me and the baby? I just wanted a nice message in a card for my first Mother's Day.

Oh well. I am basically over it by now. I told him I still want a card with a message on it even though Mother's Day has passed.

Iagree with you that gifts are nice, but I care way more about what I get to do (or not do) that day. I told DH that I wanted to sleep un and spend time at home by myself, so I got what I asked for. He took DS to soccer and the park and I got to lay in bed without hearing loud whining and screaming all day. He also got me some nice jewelry, but he knew that was an added bonus, what i really wanted was time to myself!

You live and you learn. Next year tell him ahead of time you are looking forward to do something fun on Mother's Day and give him ideas in case he's lost.

I'm pretty impressed he created a photo book of your LO. That was thoughtful and crafty.