Yes, we all know, every stage is awesome and wonderful in its own right…
BUT, I need to know… based on your experience, were the 2's or the 3's the more challenging age? Bonus points if you explain why. GO!
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3's for sure. 2 is hard because of the temper tantrums, but the two year old is trying hard to figure out how to communicate and they don't always have huge meltdowns. 3 and a half however, that SUCKS! I find that DD is starting to be defiant, just to be defiant. She wants to see if I'll stick to my boundaries, she wants to push my buttons, DH's buttons, and irritate her younger brother. She also does this thing where she does something wrong, I tell her she is in the wrong and she cries because "I hurt her feelings," completely ignoring the fact that she did something wrong. ugh.
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Threes because you can redirect a two year old... Not so with three!
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Nuggets! We're not there yet.
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Two's were harder for us. At three, I can reason with her about everything. We had timeouts at 2, but almost none at 3. I almost never have to discipline her in any way nowadays. She's just a sweet, well behaved girl. Love it! She's also a lot more independent and helps me a lot with baby sis.
I think two's were also harder because she stopped napping, but was still in need of it. So she acted out just because she was over tired, but refused naps.
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I want to say the 2s but I think it's because I do better with kids than babies. I don't mind explaining things to a 3 year old and disciplining them.. But the frustration of nothing working with a 2 year old I could not stand!! But the 3s feels like mind games and makes me realize I'm not a good person deep down inside. Haha. So I voted nuggets.
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Three. Hands DOWN the hardest year of my life!!!
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This thread is scaring me! I planned on having my kids 3 years apart bc I thought 3 was when it gets easier...aughhh!
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@sandy: I had mine 3 years apart and don't get me wrong, it was a great age gap! He was potty trained, helpful and understanding. But then there were his meltdowns and they were so...intense (screaming, throwing himself on the ground, running away from me in public). I thought I was doing a great job at the whole parenting thing until he turned 3! He also didn't understand that if he disobeyed me, there were consequences. Every child is different though and I'm already 90% sure DD will be a better 3 year old
Oh and I don't think I could have gotten through some of the rough times without HB advice!
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I felt that 2 was more difficult for my DD. We had night terrors and she would have horrible screaming fits when having a tantrum. Three was hard but overshadowed by the fact that we had DS when she turned 3, and she was able to express reasonably well what she needed by then.
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i totally LOLed reading the title of this thread. three is so much harder! obviously each kid is different, but i always dread when one of my nanny LOs turns three.
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Oh no. We are in the terrible 2s...was hoping it'd get better! lol
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For my 1st LO, the 3s were tougher. The tantrums were worse. Yes, you can explain reason to a 3 yo, but it doesn't mean they'll accept that reasoning. It doesn't change how they feel, and I think primarily, they act on how they are feeling. It's hard for them to control their emotions at such a young age.
With the 2s, tantrums were usually due to being hungry or overtired.... Situations I could prevent ahead of time, for the most part, or fix quickly.
My second DD is 2 now, however, and I was hoping that the 2s would be easier again like with her sister, plus this is my second time facing them. Uh no... It might be worse because she's the more defiant, stubborn and headstrong child! However, she speaks super well, so that helps. I'm just hoping this means she'll have learned a lot by the time she's 3.
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The twos weren't so bad, but the threes almost killed me.
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@sandy: Don't despair! I guess I'm in the minority, but I think 3s have been pretty easy so it's different for everyone!
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The 2s haven't been too bad. Now that we can understand and reason with her life is good. She still gets time outs only because she likes to torture her brother sometimes.
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@Mrs. High Heels: *sob*
@mrbee: *sob* -
I'm totally curious about this but I guess it doesn't matter...I'll have a 2 & 3 yr old at the same time!
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2a haven't been so bad for us except for the sleep. We will see how it goes (2 yrs 3 months)
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You know, I find HB so comforting, warming and inviting until we have threads like this! Scares the hell outta me
At 1.5, DD is already so stubborn and headstrong.
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@Rubies: I hear it's different for every kid!! We also didn't really know how to manage toddlers that well at first. Now we have a lot more tricks up our sleeves, which helps a lot!!!
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@Lindsay05: 15-20 months are hard too, by ~20 months it'll get easier.... until they turn 3, gah, 3 is rough!
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The 2's were pretty great. It started getting a lot harder in the 3's. I think in the 2's, it's a lot easier to redirect and cut down on meltdowns by preventing hunger/overtiredness like @SAHM0811: mentioned.
But when they're 3, they fully understand everything so you expect more from them. Their deliberate willfullness, defiance, etc. can drive you up a wall. And the tantrums are way, way bigger. It's even harder when you have two kids because you expect more from the older child since the younger one doesn't understand, so it's a lot easier to get frustrated with them.
I'll be glad to put the 3's behind us. I hope 4 is a lot better!
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@Lindsay05: I used to feel that way but now I just take it with a grain of salt. All kids are different!
(My LO seems to be the independent/stubborn type so far at 14m...)
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We are at 2.5. I was looking forward to 3s, but now I'm scared!
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The 2's have been pretty good to us, and I found myself thinking, "Hey toddlerhood isn't so bad!", but now I'm worried I haven't really experienced it to its full extent! As DD approaches 3 (in Jan), she has become more purposely defiant and harder to redirect. I'm also pretty mentally burnt out trying to answer all her "why" and "what's that" questions. Ahhhh why did I start this thread!!
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Ugh you are all making me want to jump off a cliff. Two was just peachy for us until little bro came along. Now ... Notsomuch.
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aw, sorry to hear this thread is scary! HB wasn't around when I was going thru the 3s, and most of my friends have kids younger then my first, so at least you guys have some heads-up?
The more I think about this, the more i think it's usually either the 2s or 3s that's worse for each kid. I think at some point, a toddler is just bound to hit a certain rough spot with his/her parents, whether it's at 2, 3, or 4 yo. But some parents are graced with pretty easy rough spots more than others! It seems so with a few answers in this thread!
But don't worry, we've reached 5 (almost 6 soon) and survived... I hear 5-7 yo are the golden years of childhood. I have to agree so far, because I just love it! So there is light at the end of the tunnel! I also think going through it with the first child is partially harder because it's a learning experience for the parents too. By #2, you're better prepared!
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@autumnlove: you can give us a real time side by side comparison. that is exciting.
@Mrs. Bee: wow, that just goes to show how every kid is different because DH and I were just talking about how tantrums disappeared once DD turned 3. And baby sis came along at that time, too. So you just never know.
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I think the 2's were harder because my son can be fairly easily reasoned with now that he's 3.5. If I give him choices and options, he's usually pretty good. At 2, no amount of talking or reasoning helped and it drove us nuts! So for us, I'd say 2's were harder!
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Haven't experienced the 3's yet but 2 has treated us well so far. We ran into a few rough patches but overcame them without too much trouble. Even having a little brother around, DS1 has been on his best behavior. I can only cross my fingers and hope that he smoothly transitions into 3 without too many issues.
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I think if you have a good communicator, the 2's are easier. DD has always been very verbal and the 2's were a breeze with her, even with the addition of a little brother. Sure, we had timeouts and tantrums, but generally she was reacting to environmental stimulation (hunger, tiredness, boredom, etc...). At 3, she's a fantastic communicator, but now she's dealing with all this internal conflict (impulse control, defiance, anger/emotional control) that brings it to a whole different level. She can verbalize the issue but where we struggle is in the resolution. Also, 3 is a really fun, imaginative age, but that also brings about a lot more mischief. I actually have to watch her more closely now than I did when she was 2 because she's a lot more creative about getting into trouble.
DS is 19 months, and I think 2 is going to be easy for him, too. He's not super verbal like DD was, but he communicates well through signing, gestures, showing us, etc... We'll see how 3 goes!
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@SAHM0811: I agree with the first child being the hardest - I didn't know if we would ever get away from the tantrums! I thought maybe it was just that DS had a defiant and willful personality...now I know it gets better! Kind of like newborn sleep in a way
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The threes are definitely harder. I call around eighteen mo.ths to about two and a halfish the sweet spot. its the best as they can walk and talk but haven't quite struck it out on their own yet in the independance department. Once they start figuring out that they dont always like doing what you want is when the tantrums and testing limits comes and it becomes rough.
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3's!
Terrible 2's lead to the Tumultuous 3's!
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@Honeybee: great points! charlie was a great communicator at 2 so there weren't that many frustrations. but he is dealing with a lot more emotional stuff as a 3 year old... i call them mini teenagers!
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I heard a 3 year old referred to as a "threenager" the other day. I thought that was very apt!
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@Mrs. Bee: @Mrs. Jacks: "Threenager" seems very appropriate!
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For the record, I found the beginning of 3 to be just fine. Her "threenager-ness" (@Mrs. Jacks: that's TOTALLY appropriate!!) started exactly at 3.5 years old. Another friend of mine, whose daughter just turned 4, said 3.5 is when it hit for her too. Just last night we got so much sass my husband whispered to me "I thought I had 10 more years before she thought I was the dumbest thing on the planet!"
I've also heard that when they turn 4 they find their halos and that is a great phase that lasts awhile. So here's to hoping!
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this thread scares me, haha
At 1.5, DD is already so stubborn and headstrong.
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42 comments