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I'm sorry I thread jacked to start discussing my obsession with Ned Stark
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@theotherstark: lol
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@theotherstark: haha, I had a nerd panic attack.
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People are going to respond to the tone of the post. So, if its a lighthearted topic and a lighthearted tone, you'll probably get those kinds of responses. If its about a sensitive or serious topic or presented in the context of "my way is the right way" then you'll get responses that reflect that. I don't think it's fair to post something you take very seriously and then not expect serious responses. And of course you will get variations of people who take the same topic more/less seriously, but you can't expect then to take something seriously or less seriously because you say it's so. And all my "you"s are general...about all of us.
For the record, I like you! Haha.
We do have different priorities and concerns but that's ok with me.
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@googly-eyes: I don't know I still think people are as accountable for their responses as I am for the subjects of my thread. Most of the tone is assumed and we don't all assume right. At the end of the day I feel like we all meant well but I get the feeling some people don't feel like I meant well and that bothers me but so be it. You can please everyone all the time. I like you to! And I really could say that about most people on here.
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@theotherstark: LOVE the Ned Stark stuff! Seriously you girls are saving the thread from being bogged down with negative.
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I think, by & large, Hellobee is a community of reasonable, mature, articulate women (and a few awesome gentlemen) and it's understandable for a hot-button topic to get heated. I don't see the big deal.
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@MrsMccarthy: You're feelings are valid. However a lot of moms are proud to be called 'crunchy' so its a personal preference thing. And I wouldn't be offened by being called a 'yuppie' mom cause I'd giggle since I'm far too poor to be a yuppie anything lol. Just take it in stride. Its the internet and people are going to having differing opinions.
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@Crisark: totally. I'm with you sister!
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@daniellemybelle: This really random, but saw your avatar and I'm really craving chicken nuggets now.
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@mrsjyw: what's the point of starting any thread? to discuss things and share things amongst our peers. It doesn't have to be everyones cup of tea but there also doesn't have to be a point or not. I actually find it really interesting and am enjoying everyones responses. Even the people who think i should shut up.
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@looch: P.S> i want to add that it was you who brought the title to my attention. I couldnt edit it by then but it did offer me some insight. I still feel like people overacted a bit and i overreacted to them in turn but i also didn't mean to make a blanket statement so i am grateful to you for addressing it and giving me the benefit of the doubt.
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@MrsMccarthy: We need to agree to disagree (about the plastics thread) . . . it speaks for itself.
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@Freckles: Your interpretation is perfect!!!
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@mrsjazz: oh man! I always jump dpwn my own throat. I am not good at holding my tongue but i do take what others say into account at least.
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@MrsMccarthy: true. I think it also depends on the issue, at least for me. Things like plastics aren't as emotionally charged as things like bf and don't carry the same moral judgments.
The other thing is that people often remember what a user said outside of a particular thread and can make assumptions or feel judged (or do the judging!) based on that. Not saying its right but just saying why I think it happens on here.
But you're right in that not every opposing view is a judgment of ones overall personality, mothering ability, etc. Some of my favorite posts/users are ones who are very different than me.
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@chopsuey: @daniellemybelle: EVERY time I see your avatar, I always want nuggets. You are single handedly killing my "diet"
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@MsLipGloss: I can handle that.
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@MrsMccarthy: But we're all good. No worries there!
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@MsLipGloss: yay! I'm happy because I really like you. Not that I thought you didn't like me or had to but its nice to hear.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: I hope I am not the kind of Mother who suddenly starts caring about what other parents do when I give birth. As long as there is no abuse and your kid is happy and healthy, cool. Like, I can't give any less of a fuck about what other people do now, I really can't see myself mustering up the energy to care when I'm actually in charge of a living thing aside from my dogs.
I think people can be too touchy but I also think people should think about how they come across. But, as my mom always says, "Why do you care what they think? They don't pay your bills." Yup.
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I think it is really difficult to interpret tone on the internet. Thus, perception becomes reality. It's the nature of the beast.
I like to write in cliches
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@wonderstruck: I'm really not at all sure why you get the impression that I am not open minded or open to other sides of any issue. I am going to wall you but I must say that you couldn't be more wrong about me. I may make statements that come off wrong ( really not how I meant it) but I work hard not to judge particular individuals and I feel pretty pointedly judged by you making such a statement. And calling out my comments on other threads? . I must have really offended you somehow. If I did I am sorry but again, that is not who I am and frankly it seems very harsh. Maybe I am misunderstanding you as well but OUCH. That did sting.
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@rahlyrah: tone is SO hard and I feel like it really does screw me over a lot because I come off wrong.
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I am late to the debate (and there is indeed a debate, haha!), but just my 2 cents...
I am actually "pro-politically correctness" when it comes to voicing your opinions regarding mommyhood, especially in a forum set up. Being a mom is already hard and everything has two sides. No matter how you choose you are wrong in some people's eyes. You are evil if you rock your baby to sleep and you are evil if you don't rock your baby to sleep. You are evil to baby wear and you are evil to always carrying your baby around and spoiling him. You are evil to formula feed and you are evil to breastfeed. You are evil for only breastfeeding for 1 month and you are evil for not weaning your child until 3 years. We are never a good mother no matter how hard we try. Mommyhood is hard enough and we don't need strangers from a forum bashing our personal choices in how we are raising our babies.
For me, I always try to lighten up and see the world in other people's point of view, and respect other people's preferences. That's their choice and I respect that. If I don't agree with something, I would not comment on it, or I would just leave a very short comment (if I really can't help it lol) and not elaborating.
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@Mrs.Panda: in my own, very limited experience, mommy-wars exist because of insecurity. I've had a friend who truly believes breast is best project her inability to EBF onto me. When telling her story she alluded that I could have done more when my production was low. She seemed insecure about her own abilities/inabilities & wasn't confident in the decision she made.
It doesn't bother me. We both made the right decisions for our children & families, and that's all you can ever ask.
I've noticed that I care what other people think when I am insecure and not confident in my own decision making. But that's a me problem not an "OMG she uses plastic/she didn't bf/my kids don't eat sweets" thing.
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I think we're pretty civil on here, generally. Mummy Wars can get UGLY in real life!! On Christmas Eve, we had a few friends over for a couple of drinks. There were two mums in the group who had never met before. Friend A is a midwife and is very pro CIO. She is also super opinionated. Friend B, well, put it this way, she has taken attachment parenting to a new level. Friend A was telling friend B at every opportunity that the reason her son "behaved the way he did" (he was 5 months old) was because she smothered him, never let him cry etc. Friend B, tired of being "offered advice" she hadn't asked for, snapped. She stood up, towered over Friend A and yelled "well when your son is in the dock and you have to testify, in court, you can tell them that the reason he is a serial killer is because he was emotionally neglected as a child because his mother clearly didn't love him". Friend A then stood up and I swear I thought there was going to be a fight, but instead she marched out of the house, her poor partner following behind!! We were aghast!! Of course, I think they're both ridiculous and I'M right!! Haha!
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@Cherrybee: hahahah holy crap! I feel so bad for both of those women!
@Mrs. Jump Rope: I SO agree with this. I think a lot of times the reason people get defensive is because they feel guilty/insecure/pressured in their own right. When I see stuff about screen time I feel that way because I really need to use my sons favorite shows sometimes in order to keep him occupied while I do things. I try not to be excessive about it and I spend a lot of time interacting with him too but I might be more defensive about a post or someones opinions about the effects of screen time.
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@Cherrybee: OH dear - that makes for a fun party!
I think everyone's pretty civil, too. I value everyone's different opinions because they make me consider different points of view. Pretty sure all of my "informed" decision making comes from reading threads and posts on the 'Bee.
We do have different priorities and concerns but that's ok with me.
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