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@JoJoGirl: I will say that every meal I make sure there is at least one thing I know she likes. So then if she doesn't eat it then I just let dinner slide. Most nights she gives in and eventually eats it. Sunday night we were at a friend's and she made ravioli for the kids. She wouldn't touch it. Then on the way home, asked for something to eat the whole time. Despite she was already up past dinner time, I did make her a quick something really since it seemed she was starving.
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@JoJoGirl: that's really rough, I'm sorry.
Have you tried a routine leading up to dinner like washing hands or something fun?
How about something totally unexpected like flopping on the floor and being silly when she starts up?
I hope this passes quickly for you guys. I can commiserate.
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@MoonMoon: This reminded me. My DH would do this. She would be thrashing on the floor screaming so he would get down and do it as well. She would look at him like he was crazy, but it helped her stop.
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my son is very spirited (and it baffles me that his teachers say he's quiet and compliant at school...) so I feel you.
It took me listening to Janet Lansbury's whole book - no bad kids - via audible - to really understand the methods. I felt like reading the tips were too abstract. And, hearing her tone, etc, while giving the tips is particularly helpful. I think it's about a 3 hour listen on audible so I listened in the car and while doing chores around the house. That's what really helped me!
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@winniebee: My LO's teachers say the same thing! I was like, "are we talking about the same kid?!". They said they couldn't imagine him ever throwing a tantrum...
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@hilsy85: yes, same. when i discussed with them some aggression he was having towards his brother or talked about tantrums, not listening....they were FLOORED. but they said it's common for kids to act out in their "safe space." even other parents have said how shy and quiet he is at school. like, what?!
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@winniebee: ha yes same here--they said, "Well he has to be oppositional with someone!". I guess I'm glad it's me...?
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As a mom who was at her wits end for the past 2 years with my very "spirited" child, I can confirm that there is an end in site. BUT, it came with about 6 months of going to a child psychologist to figure out what the F do to because we were at a loss and I was tired of having to lose my s*** on her any time I needed her to do something.
You've had some good advice, but here's what I've learned.
1. You and your husband absolutely MUST be on the same page about how to deal with it
2. Really start using the words "in control" and "out of control" to describe how she's acting. It will help her to identify and give a name to the emotions they have. (ie: "Get in control or you will go in time out" or "You are out of control and need to stay in time out until your get in control")
3. Nip the behavior in the bud immediately. As soon as she starts doing a behavior that you don't like, put her in time out (or an equivalent) and tell her that she can come out as soon as she's "in control".
4. Take the emotions out of it (this is the hardest for me!). This is harder to explain, but basically stop trying to negotiate. Be as clear cut as you can. Kids need to know the boundaries and they will become more and more anxious and ... crazy... until they know exactly how far they have to push. If you try to explain why they can't do something, then you're leaving wiggle room. Just say it's not allowed and leave it at that.
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