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I wish I had answers for you, but I can certainly commiserate! My daughter was like this, particularly for the first 2 months of her life. She would fall asleep while feeding, but would wake up as soon as I tried to detach her. Any effort to put her in the crib (or bassinet, swing, bouncy chair, etc) was generally a total disaster. She would fall asleep in the car or stroller while it was moving, but wake up and cry literally every time we stopped moving (I learned to really hate red lights). Effectively, she only slept while being held for 2 months. I spent hours on Google and forums trying to find out how to get her to sleep and eventually I just gave up and endured it. I didn't even try to schedule anything, it never worked for us and I found it even more stressful trying to force a schedule.

My husband and I did a similar thing to what muffinsmuffins mentioned in that we would take shifts. He'd hold her through the evening, just waking me to feed when she needed it, then I would take her once it got to be near midnight so that he could get a good chunk of sleep before he had to go to work. I also did a lot of baby wearing during the day.

The good news is that it started getting better really gradually on its own as she grew older... around 4 months we were able to put her down in the crib and get her to nap there, but it would often be a 20 minute nap after 45 minutes of screaming. By 6 months her naps had gotten longer, the fussy periods had gotten shorter, and a feeding/sleeping schedule started to appear naturally. By 8 months, it seemed to have mostly ironed itself out and although she still tends to fuss a bit when we put her down to sleep even now (almost 16 months), it's rarely more than 10 minutes these days and she is able to put herself to sleep and stay asleep. Hang in there!

ETA I also found that excessive Google searches on how to make my baby sleep just made me angry because of the people who would tell me to "just enjoy holding and snuggling your baby because they won't want you to when they're older". Yeah, right! Enjoy it while I'm practically falling over and having self-perception issues because I'm THAT tired? Blech.

@periwinklebee: Can you hand him off to someone else to get a break?

My son would not go to sleep without nursing when I was with him, but he knew that he could not nurse with Dad. So that was a good way for me to get a break. (He was a little older when we "milked" -- ha! -- this technique so not sure if it will work for a 4wo.)

@periwinklebee: I wanted to throw Babywise across the room when my DD was a tiny infant. I really don't have any helpful suggestions, just more commiseration. I think I've said in some of your previous threads that my DD wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms (or very occasionally for short periods on the Boppy next to me) until she was about 3 months old. She didn't fall asleep in the swing, the bouncer, the bassinet, wouldn't settle while being worn, and yeah she was a January baby in upstate NY, so the stroller wasn't happening. We co-slept until she was 3 months as well because she wouldn't settle unless she was touching me, and even then she'd wake every 1.5 to 2 hours. Around 12 weeks I started trying to start her off in the crib for naps and it was hit or miss, some days she'd do a 45 minute stretch in there, some days she wouldn't sleep in there at all. Eventually she started going longer and longer and did all her napping in there so I started putting her in there for her first stretch at night and she'd give me 5 hours or so before I'd bring her into bed! Then she miraculously started STTN! She's gone back and forth with having a wake up or two and STTN since but I hardly had to do any sleep training.

I think the fourth trimester is too real. Babies are used to being snuggled in the warm womb, hearing our heartbeats, etc, and it's a hard adjustment to be outside and separated from us. Some babies have a harder time adjusting than others. But it DOES get easier with time. I swear.

Since you are co-sleeping for survival, have you tried side lying nursing? It saved me with DD in the early weeks. We did it during naps too, so I could nap as well. As she got older we were able to move away from it, and we sleep trained at 4 months no problems.

This sounds exactly like DS1. Part of it sounds like silent reflux and part of it sounds like personality (DS1 is also easily overstimulated even now at 3.5).

I switched to exclusive pumping and supplementation at 6 weeks to ensure DS1 had full feedings, and worked towards eat, play, sleep even though he actually didn't play or sleep - he just ate and then was pissed and screamed, maybe slept for 20 minutes, and then it was time to feed again. But bottle feeding meant I could divide my endless days and nights into 3 hour chunks and that DH could help. DH did the 730pm feeding, the dreamfeed before he went to bed (around 10-1030pm), and any feeding after 5am, but before he had to leave for work. Before that, I was just a human pacifier (because he just snacked and snoozed and never got a full feeding and because he actually hated pacis) who lived on the recliner or was just doing deep knee bends for hours at at time.

They say newborns sleep 16-18 hours a day. My husband and I thought that couldn't possibly be right so we meticulously tracked. Our son slept 8 broken hours a day - like in 20 minute chunks. Which meant I was sleeping maybe half of that.

At the point that we BOTH got our medications sorted out (DS1 gave me severe PPA/PPD from sleep deprivation) at around 11 weeks, we CIO sleeptrained. Actually DH did it. He had zero qualms about it because nothing we did actually got our son to stay asleep or be happy, ever, and I was literally wasting away to nothing. I don't know if that's what you want to hear, but that's what we did and it was magical.

DS1 remains an easily overstimulated child. What we realize in retrospect is he had to be forced to sleep in a sensory deprived way. All the bouncing, the rocky stroller rides, the swaying, singing, nursing, rocking, touching - it wasn't actually helping him. It was sorta putting him in a trance for a second so his brain could take a break, but he wasn't getting any rest. Like when you shake your leg or chew on a straw - it was just like a zoning out thing.

Anyways, feel free to wall me if you want to talk more specifically.

My first baby did this. What ultimately helped was

definitely the 5 Ss, a tight swaddle, loud white noise, binky, and eventually a Miracle Blanket
a vibrating Rock N Play with the swaddle, etc
keeping him awake by stripping/cold washcloth on the feet until he had a real feed so he snacked less
gas drops and gripe water and probiotics
and, for us, me ditching dairy made his tummy happier

hugs, hugs, hugs. I think this totally lands on the sleep spectrum of "normal", it's just not particularly on the lucky end of that spectrum. sounds like you didn't get a sleeper, but it's okay no one here did, either. our baby just WOULD NOT nap until he was around 8 (10?) weeks old, or if he did it was just a crap nap, 15-40 minutes, and I always spent longer than that trying to get him down. Nighttime sleep was not great either and co-sleeping didn't even work. The lowest point for me was legit suicidal ideation and I'm telling you, it was from sleep deprivation, not from pp depression, because the minute his sleep got better and I got a 6-hour stretch for the first time in two months, I was completely fine from there on out. It's HARD.

I know you've posted about cluster feeding and stuff before, so feel free to disregard--but for us a big piece of the puzzle with sleep was cutting out the ineffective "snacking" nursing by doing pretty much exactly what @mrsjd: did--trying like hell to space out feedings and then limiting the time on each side, with the goal that he'd get a real meal, be fuller longer and then sleep longer. It wasn't a magic bullet but I do think it helped. I know the motion and jiggling is a big part of it for your boo, but I'd be surprised if the snacking wasn't also in the mix. If you are positive that it's not silent reflux, just hang in there and do anything you can to survive. It might seem like it's been like this forever, but he is still so new and in the tiny, tiny, brand new baby stage--I don't think I know anyone for whom it didn't get easier after 8 or 10 weeks. I saw one of the pp's suggested your husband take the evening shift, I hope this works--use earplugs so you can get a few hours. Also, just because you're having such a hard time now does not at all indicate that you won't be able to sleep train at 4 months if you so choose.

Don't know if you do this already, and it isn't a sleep tip, but the other thing that helped me get through it was creating a routine--we "wake up" at 7am, we nurse, then we listen to NPR while making coffee, then we go for a walk to this same place, then we nurse, then we go down for morning nap, etc etc. If you're type A like me, the structure might help get you through the days

@IRunForFun: I had a paperback copy of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby with a shitty glue job on the spine, and I remember I actually ripped the book into shreds in a fit of rage one time, which is *completely* out of character for me. Then I went out the same day and bought it in hardback because I was like, shit, I actually need this information

@periwinklebee: we used the miracle blankets when he got big enough to bust out of other tight swaddles. He fought the swaddle at first but eventually learned to look forward to it. The trick was making it super tight. I'd swaddle him awake even if he doesn't like it. He doesn't like being awake either, and the swaddle makes sleep come faster and last longer. I didn't think k the vibration on the RnP was a huge help, but I did often rock it or let him nap in the swing. I realize many of these things (inclined sleep, swing sleep, swaddles, cosleeping amd nursing lying down) make other people uncomfortable, but they all worked and felt safe for us.

@LCTBQE: oh that's awesome!!! Thanks for telling me that
Our kids are almost 4 and 20 months and we still do bath, milk, jammies, white noise. Haha. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! They've honestly always been fairly good sleepers and sleep well when travelling because it's easy to mimic the routine every where!

I agree with LCTBQE that this is "normal" just not the normal one wants! And the sleep deprivation is the worst but it gets better! Just keep thinking this will pass! That's what I reminded myself in the beginning all the time when my lo was a difficult sleeper and had such awful colick- I just thought I was going to die, but we got past all of it and all those hard things made my love for her stronger and I see how far we've come- it will be the same for you!

Have you looked into if he has silent reflux? And the gerber soothe gas drops are good. I also agree with the other posts about cutting out the snacking- it's really hard but you want to stretch out the feeds so that he will be hungry enough to get a full meal and then he'll be really full and that helps them sleep better. This is what I has to do and I was worried at first and it was hard but it was what neeeded to be done and lo was able to sleep because she wasn't waking up too soon from hunger and I knew she needed more sleep. Newborns need sooo much sleep- we just have to work even harder to give them that sleep when we have los who are not good sleepers! Hang in there!

@periwinklebee: I wouldn't have brought it up again about the snacking except you said he's now gaining well, which is great progress! But I think since you're in a position to do so, cutting that out is a good habit to start now, and truly if he's getting fuller, he'll be more comfortable for more of the time. Let me know how the probiotic drops go, I haven't heard of them before and I'm curious.

Re the crying, something I learned only from HB is learning the difference between fussing, crying, and full-on crying, and to be able to tolerate a little of the first two categories for the sake of spacing out feedings, letting them learn to self-soothe, or just needing to take a fucking shower. It is so painful to listen to, but you're not neglecting him and everyone will be okay

And I'm glad you found that thread helpful, it saved me. So our boo didn't respond to the motion thing or co-sleeping like yours does, but we had him in a RnP until maybe 5-6 weeks, and then we moved him to the crib, which I thought was going to be a huge ordeal and it was a total nonissue. Right around the same time we started the bedtime routine, which I actually think the baby really liked from very early on, and the routine helped us, too. The key part of that was the tank-up bottle (I did pumped milk, but formula, combo, whatever) which several other women who commented on your thread recommended to me, and damn if that thing didn't WORK. That's why I keep harping on trying to get him to eat more meaningful meals so he gets fuller--because our ped kept telling me it would help throughout the day, and it did. But I saw with the tank-up bottle this dramatic, immediate difference in his sleep when he was really full, and it from there it gave us the first building block of good quality night sleep, and that saved my sanity. I don't know if it would have worked at 4 weeks, we started it at 6 weeks, but I'm really hopeful you will just chip away at it and make little breakthroughs here and there and then a month will have gone by and you'll be a totally different and much better place. ETA keep up the good work

@periwinklebee: awesome! And I just read your other response - I also always pumped after my first morning feed. Soooo much more milk! Then as they got older and my supply wasn't as good, because feedings were more spaced (like 5pm, then the 8pm bottle) I would keep the morning pump and so a quick one around 830 to make sure I didn't mess with supply.

@periwinklebee: yes, probably because for most people the time you fill up the most is around 4am (I think that's right?) so when you're up in the morning you'll notice you have the most. I remember kellymom saying the witching hour (6-7pm, late evening) is because babies are hungry because your supply isn't as good then as it was earlier in the day. alternately, weissbluth says it's because bedtime is too late and you should move it way earlier, they're cranky because they're tired. maybe it's both. anyway, give it a shot with the tank up and keep at it with spacing out the feedings going for the good-quality nursing session--anything like that that you're trying deserves a good few days or week to see if it's starting to work. that sucks about the plumbing I hate that bullshit when time alone is so precious. and the phantom shower baby crying made me crack up, I totally forgot that was like every shower I took for the first 6 months.

You've already gotten a ton of advice, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and this will get better one way or another, promise!!