Hellobee Boards

I think most people mean well when they do this, like, as in, you're a great family/parents/etc, you should have another! But they really ought to shut up. I think you should do what you're doing, basically, when they are rude call them out on it, and when they're more just curious/small talk, play it by ear. I wish there were a way to stop people's comments on your children. As a parent of 3 it's also not fun hearing how you should not have 3, especially when you're already pregnant/have 3, as though you're supposed to regret your own child. So weird. I wish I had a better answer for you, people just need to shut up.

DS2 is 5.5 and DS2 is 3 months. We got this a lot. For a couple years we weren’t sure if we were going to have another and then once we decided it took almost two years to get this guy.

I hated when people made these comments. Lots of the time I’d try to say we are happy with one or say it might not be in the cards.

@Ari123: damn that first guy was aggressive! I’d like to think I would have found a direct way to tell him to drop it, but I am not always quick enough in the moment. “GFAM brigade” is a hilarious term!

We are a family of three. And we love what we have and are so grateful. I don’t think there’s a day that goes by when I don’t feel lucky for what we have. I guess one of my ways of dealing with this is being pretty upfront and putting it out there that DS fills our lives and hearts. We all have big personalities so really a family of three souls is plenty around here. Plus we have the dogs so we are really a family of five and have the SUV with the third row to prove it.

I’m with a few others that these conversations are super aggressive and intrusive-sounding. Sorry, I have to ask, but are you in the Bible Belt and/or a super conservative community? I ask because some of that rote thinking about family number/composition/type is just so prevalent and never questioned, and more so in those types of communities.

Dealing with IF, you just realize all the family ideas and ideals about numbers of kids and timelines are really just not in your or anyone’s hands. Most people take it for granted.

We live in the small-town Deep South after many years in big cities...big cities who are, by the way, full of three-person families. Here down the rabbit hole in small-town USA, we don’t know many small families of three like us. The couple of times I’ve encountered comments I’m pretty matter-of-fact. I also want DS to know our family is not missing a thing and we are whole as we are. I think if I ever was pushed like you were some of my claws would come out!

My situation is a little bit different. If it was a mother who would stop me and ask if I had other kids I would say no but then I would ask her about her experience with having more than one because we were actually considering having another. But if it had been some guy just spouting off rude comments I probably would’ve just gotten really mad and stormed off. Sorry this is happening to you. Next time just say I’m happy with my family the way it is. Not everyone needs more than one child and not everyone needs a sibling. We did end up having another and I’m so glad we did. But I wouldn’t expect anyone else to have more than one just because that’s what we chose.

@Ari123: WOW. That's unbelievable!!!

Hmm. Yes we have quite a few "requests" that I should have more kids by acquaintances but they are not evil. They are just curious. In which I said, Well, if you have MY SON (who is extremely high energy, stubborn, always do the opposite of what he was told, just about everything is a fight. He is a great kid, just very difficult), you will know why I don't want a second one. My cat passed away last year, and I can't even contemplate having another cat because I am not capable of take care of another being! And if they follow up I'd usually said, well, that's because your children are very well behaved. Let's exchange kids for a week and we'll talk. Either that, or I am too old now I can not give birth to another

(And no, that is not the full reason why we only have one child, that's just what I told people I barely know when they asked).

It never truly bothered me until yesterday we were at a breakfast with santa event where we sat with a nice couple, who also have one (8 yo) kid . I said, so you guys only have one child? She said yes, you too right? I said yes. And wow, suddenly I had that rush and I said thank you for having just one child! Everyone else just always wonder what is wrong with us why do we only have one child. There I know I probably have a lot of repressed feeling about being judged inside of me.

But then again, like @Lindsay05: said, unless you have one boy and one girl, people are always dissatisfied with your family composition. You have one kid they ask you why don't you have another; you have 3 kids they ask you if the 3rd kid was an accident; You have 2 boys you get asked do you want to try for a girl....blah blah.

I never engage people that want to talk about how many children I have (one, for the record). Parents aren't rated by the number of children that they have and I always want to say that just because people have more children doesn't mean they are better parents or have won some parenting race.

My response depends on who's bringing it up and the demeanor/tone of the conversation. A few times I've used "I got it right the first time" to people like you described who are unnecessarily aggressive about it and I just don't care about pissing them off. Most of the time, especially if my daughter is within earshot, I say "as we teach our daughter, everyone's families are different and this is the one that's right for us."

Wow, that's RUDE

I have two girls and get asked a lot of we're gonna try for a boy next

@Ari123: we have 3 kids, but with out first she was 4 before we had another and we had constant comments about what was taking so long etc. My response really depended on the person but generally we felt we didnt need to explain our timing or choices and would try to firmly shut them down with comments like we will when we are ready or we are happy with our family size at this time