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My MIL couldn't keep it secret, so we let her tell DH's grandparents. When i m/c, everybody in his entire family found out because his grandpa told everyone. It was awful. I was so, so, so upset about EVERYONE knowing it. I also told my parents and they told a bunch of people, despite me explicitly telling them not to. As in, I told my dad, and he immediately called up his buddy. Like, wtf?

I wouldn't tell people you don't trust to keep their big fat mouths shut, basically. I learned it the hard way. This time, we didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, including family.

I wanted to do the same thing but DH wouldn't have it. We told my parents at 5 weeks and then skyped his parents about a week later.

My rule of thumb was: if I wouldn't tell x about a miscarriage, then I will not tell them I'm pregnant until after 1st tri. And honestly, I was/am not close enough with his family to want to tell them something like that. So I was in a big kerfuffle with DH about it because I really did not want to tell them. He was so adamant about it I just gave in.

This sounds like a hard one! We told both sets of parents at 8 weeks after the first ob appt. Even then, my mom was a little hurt that MIL found out a few hours before but she got over it. We clearly outlined our plans of when and how we would tell extended family and they respectd our wishes. Do you think the ILs could keep it to themselves if you stressed your wishes, and/or split the difference on the number of weeks they had to keep it quiet? Good luck!

Congrats on your pregnancy too!

That's a tough one....like @MamaCate I'd worry about one set of parents feeling hurt if they didn't find out at the same time as the others, especially if it is something your MIL has been anxiously awaiting and will be so excited about!

However, my mom's side of the family sounds a lot like your ILs--large & closeknit, and I am constantly hearing through the grapevine things that people would rather not have me hear about (a distant cousin's miscarriage comes to mind). At the same time, however, I know that my mother would respect my wishes if I wanted her to keep it quiet until the first trimester passed.

I think that if you can make it clear to your MIL that you'd not like for the news to get out until Thanksgiving (and maybe let her have a big announcement/gathering at her home to do so), she might be more on board, or willing to keep it on the DL because it will be fun for her to announce as well. But if you don't think so, I would wait until you're a little closer to 12 weeks.

And congrats, mama!

Oh this is a hard one for sure. We are still TTC but I will want to tell my mom early on because we are close and see each other often.
As for my IL's, I love them but they do NOT believe in keeping secrets about this kind of thing at all. The minute they found out my SIL was expecting (at 4.5 weeks) they told EVERYONE hahahaha aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and probably random people on the street too! I will want to wait until a little later to tell them but I feel like DH will want to tell them around the same time we tell my parents..... I guess we will have to wait and see

I don't think it's a big deal to only tell your parents. You aren't keeping it a secret from his parents FOREVER. And they're not gonna know. I mean, I seriously doubt you're going to tell your in-laws that you're pregnant and they're going to be like, "How long have your parents known?" They'll just be like, "Yay, baby!" And Thanksgiving is an awesome time to get to tell everyone. It makes the holidays more fun.

I wish I didn't tell my Mom until later. She is so scared of me having a miscarriage and talks about it constantly...she doesn't want me to shower too much, lift LO or do too much walking until I hit the 2nd tri! Um...no! We aren't telling my Dad until my 2nd tri because he is more of a worrywart than my Mom!

@autumnlove: To shower too much? That made me LOL! I didn't know that was a leading cause of miscarriage!

I thought you meant to tell your Mom and not your Dad, which is something I'd want to do the next time. My Dad is like the town crier; you don't tell him anything you don't want the whole church/town/county to know. I have been wondering if my Mom would be able to keep it from him when we get preg with #2. haha!

The first time around we told my parents at 5 weeks, then told his when I was closer to 10. He is just not very communicative and while they have a good relationship he is bad at making phone calls. So I just let him decide and we told them the next time we saw them after we found out. They keep secrets better than my family though, so I didn't worry about it too much!

We told both my parents/sister and MIL at the same time (five weeks). DH would have thought it was super unfair to not tell his mom, and she can keep a secret so it wasn't a big deal. My mom was the bigger security risk but I couldn't have kept the secret from her! I know she let it slip out a bunch though.

That's a tough situation. We told both sets of parents really early (6 weeks), and asked them not to tell anyone. They did spill the beans to several family members, but I overlooked it since they were just so excited.

I told my parents right away, because I wanted to be able to talk to my mom about it. We told DH's parents two weeks later. We told both sets of parents not to tell anyone. It was difficult for DH's parents, especially because one of his cousins announced her pregnancy (she is due a few weeks after me). Luckily, nobody spilled the secret until we were ready to go public. Could you maybe tell them before Thanksgiving, maybe the end of October, still with strict instructions not to tell anyone?

We told our parents right away but told them we were trying to keep it quiet until we at least had our first appointment and ultrasound. My Mom was so proud that she only told my siblings, and a few of my aunts. She did make sure to tell them we were keeping it a secret though! It didn't really bother me, as if we did miscarry those are the people who could support us through it. I just didn't want the entire world to know and then if we miscarried having people constantly asking about the baby or having to publicly announce that we were no longer expecting.

This is how I'm doing to tell people if I ever get pregnant.

16 weeks: tell DH
18 weeks: tell my family
20 weeks: tell DHs family and everyone else

@nodakiddo: let's just say secret is not in his vocab. I found out the hard way when we started dating. I told him something very personal and a week later when I went to go visit him the whole town knew. I was mortified, and I am not kidding when the whole freaking town knew. I asked why he told and he said he couldn't help it. Well thanks jerk! Anyways so now I will keep the secret til I'm ready. And I might even tell my parents the same day that I tell him cause he might go to his family before we tell mine and then I'd get psychotic.

@blackbird: I obviously would tell him when it got too noticeable. About 5 years ago I was pregnant for 16 weeks and I couldn't tell, and my ex couldn't tell.

@blackbird: I'm not a huge complainer. I'm obviously really hoping he won't notice. And we work different schedules and see each other prob 4 hrs a day when we work so it shouldn't be a problem. No DH has no idea when my periods are... We are a strange couple maybe lol.