Hellobee Boards

I was thinking of this group today as I make my way through the final 3 weeks before my due date. I have moments of joy where I can't believe I've made it this far. But then I also sink back to the sadness that I felt at this time last year. It was a really hard holiday season last year with testing, surgery, and ramping up to my first IUI.

I have been taking morning walks since May. It was when I made it through the morning sickness and got the go ahead from my OB after my pelvic rest was lifted. I love the morning walks because it gives me time to reflect on what my body is going through and how much life will change.

This morning I felt a little pang, maybe a Braxton Hicks. Ever since it became November I've been getting a little fearful of what my body is about to go through at the end of this month. Infertility made me feel like I couldn't really trust my body. It let me down. But now that I am almost 37 weeks pregnant, I should be able to trust that my body will know what to do. And I can handle this.

Did anyone else feel like this right before they had their baby after dealing with infertility? Will I ever really get past the sadness that I dealt with by experiencing infertility?

@sweetooth: I did. In some ways I feel like it sort of let me down in the sense that LO didn't turn head down like she was "supposed" to. I think some of that deals with lo's stubborn personality. when I was induced before my body responded and everything did what it was supposed to do, but I just didn't get the baby at the end. This time, I had a c-section, didn't have any labor pains, but we have LO. Until I heard cry, I didn't believe that we were really going to have this baby.

Your body will do what it needs to do, whether it's go into labor on its own, be induced, or have a c-section. Regardless of the method or timeframe, your baby will get here. I can't wait to hear the happy news!!!!

@Jennimac: Thank you for your response. I think that first cry from our son will just unleash a WAVE of emotion from me. So happy for you! I hope you are doing well.

@LovelyPlum: It's totally scary to make the leap to trusting your body again after working through the trials of infertility. I'm sending you lots of strength // As for the guilt, I don't think that goes away. I wish that everyone that wanted to become a mother could do so without all of the obstacles. I take comfort in knowing that even if it doesn't happen how everyone imagines, if you want to become a parent you will. It just might not be in the perfect way you envision. Whether it be through fertility treatments, or adoption, or surrogacy, or fostering. I always appreciated the continued support from those that have experienced infertility - so I try to continue to be there for people who are still struggling.

@Grace: Thank you I'm trying not to worry about my birth story too much. I just want a healthy baby and healthy mom at the end of it. I know what you mean about the worry attached to "growing a human". I have had SO many ultrasounds during my pregnancy, but each time I have had a little worry that they will find something wrong.

So glad your little girl is perfect Hope you are doing well! I think I might be like you in that I'm due at the end of November, but I might not deliver until December. Time will tell! You were an August turned September mama, right?

hi ladies! joining this group as dh and i just got our beta back after our second iui cycle (after over a year of ttc) and it was

i am so over-the-moon happy, but scared at the same time. this is my first time and i am worried about the possibility of mc, but not even sure if i should be. i mean, those who don't have trouble ttc don't go for weekly appointments for betas or worry like that right? (maybe i'm wrong) i just want to enjoy this time minus the worry.

thanks @sweetooth

@littleredhairedgrl: yay, hi!

And from a little board stalking, I believe that yesterday was go time for @sweetooth: ! I hope it went well and that you are snuggling a little one right now!!!

@spaniellove: love me some babies! And I'm fairly partial to IF babies, if that's allowed I'm excited to hear about her new little one!

@Apex: I've been thinking of you. How are you doing?

@spaniellove: @LovelyPlum: @raintreebee: You guys are so great. Yes, my little one arrived on 11.12.13. Elliott Gray. Over two weeks before he was expected. We survived our first week. And I have to tell you something that made me think about IF during the past week. For his circumcision we have to apply gauze with Vaseline on it at every diaper changing. I ran out of the gauze from the hospital but you know what I found at home? Tons of gauze from my Injectables. I kept it and now I finally have a use for the excess. My IF gauze is now being used on my son. I can't believe it.

Hi Ladies, Its been a while since i've been on here. It has been a very emotional ride for us, but i finally made it back home again from a seemingly never ending hospital bedrest.

Last time, i know i had shared my perintologist's concern about my babies and the newly discovered fibroid that was going to be an issue/threat to all of us. Anyways, i did get a second opinion who wanted us to reduce 2 of our 3 babies. Of course i walked out of his office pissed beyond imagination. So, at the end of the day, we planned to take the whole thing one step after the other and see where we are by 14 weeks, and everything was actually going fine. Yes, there was still the non stop spotting and no one was really concerned because i had been spotting from about 9 weeks. i got up to pee one night, lo and behold there was bright red blood, instead of the usual brownish red. I wasn't feeling any cramps tho, so i wiped, changed my panty liner and went back to bed. By morning, my entire pj pants were now bloody...*insert panic button here*

Anyways, at the end of the day, we found out that i had a placental abruption and 14+2 week old baby C was very distressed and prolly was not going to make it. So anyways, we made the call and said very tearful goodbyes to Baby C who we found out was a girl.

Fast forward to today, all the spotting and leaking has since stopped and everyone is growing beautifully now. i have visit the peri every week, and we are still staying team green. No long distance trips for me until the babies come, i still have a bit of Morning sickness, but overall, we are doing great. Thank you bees for all your support, Sorry for the mini novel.

@Apex: I'm sorry you ended up losing your Baby C and had to go through all that. It sounds like a good sign though that the other two are doing well! I'm hoping that they continue to thrive and stay in for a very long time.

In a way I feel bad complaining because we're supposed to be grateful for pregnancy after infertility (and I am!). But I'm so overwhelmed by my experience with being high risk and having so much medical intervention. I'm seeing 4 different doctors related to the pregnancy and it feels like fertility treatments pales in comparison to how much it takes to coordinate all of this - the phone calls, the meds and tests, the paperwork, etc.

I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm not pregnant and rather more like I'm a patient treating an intense condition. So much of every day is spent dealing with the doctors' offices; I'm not sure why. And instead of having positive emotions and experiences related to being pregnant all I have anymore are the the thoughts about the medical things.

I don't really know who to talk to about this - there was a lot of support for infertility, but I'm not sure anyone understands this.

@LovelyPlum: Thank you!

@Apex: My thoughts are with you and little baby C. Thank you for sharing how you are doing. I wish for a calm, pregnancy for your twins.

@night cheese: Good luck with your ultrasound on Monday! Glad you found this thread

@spaniellove: Don't feel bad about complaining. Just because we have a long infertility journey prior to the pregnancy journey, doesn't mean we have used up all of our "complaint" cards. I know what you mean about all of the doctor visits. You get the hang of it for infertility, eventually, and then you have a whole new learning curve for you AND the baby. I hope you can find ways to connect with your baby...maybe read the baby some stories, talk to the baby daily, to really feel like this is more than just a medical condition. Hugs!

@Apex: I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you get some peace going forward in the pregnancy.

@night cheese: Welcome! Let us know how your appt goes on Monday!

@spaniellove: I can so relate to this, as you can imagine. Having a high risk pregnancy followed by infertility SUCKS. It took me a looong time to feel pregnant rather than just having a medical condition. I spent so much time researching and managing doctor's appointments that it became a full time job. DH and I would just lie awake at night for hours shell-shocked. I really like the suggestions that @sweetooth gave to bond with the baby. I am not sure it would have worked for me--I deliberately tried not to bond with the baby since I wasn't sure we'd make it past the second trimester, but it might be a good thing to do in your situation. I will say that now that I am 29 weeks along, it is impossible to NOT feel pregnant. And the joy of being pregnant has replaced all of the fear of the earlier weeks. It may take longer for you than most, but it will happen. Don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't loving this experience. I spent weeks 12-22 basically wishing I wasn't pregnant given what I high risk situation I was in. It's awful to say given what we went through to get here, but I would have traded my situation for more failed IVFs any day. The only thing that helped me was time (and boy does it crawl by sometimes). That and more reassuring news and a switch in OB practices. I also did tons of walking to just be outside, met with friends to get my mind off of things, and (more unsuccessfully) tried to keep busy at work. Sorry you are feeling this way, but you certainly aren't alone.

@Apex: I totally missed this update. I am so sorry for the loss of baby C, but I am glad to hear that you and the other two babies are doing well. Sending you lots of hugs and hope for a smooth ride the rest of the way!

@night cheese: I'm glad that you found this thread, too! Good luck tomorrow-let us know!

@spaniellove: oh lady, I can only imagine how intense this all must be for you. I'm not technically high risk, and I didn't deal with IF nearly as long as you did, and I have only recently started really liking being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for it, and I can't wait to meet the baby, but honestly. Sometimes it is just really HARD. I went from the suspicion of having an ectopic to about 4 weeks of spotting to being sick all of the time to having really low blood pressure and passing out randomly, to migraines, back to nausea and exhaustion, and then to my GERD flaring up. Again, not the same as being high risk, but still, it is a lot. Actually being high risk on top of all of the stress and worry that comes from being pregnant after IF-too much for one person to have to deal with!

I'm glad you got some time away and support over the weekend. I also second the suggestion that @raintreebee: put out: we started reading to the baby at night, and I have found it really helps. We also were gifted a baby blanket that I now sleep with, just to have something in my arms. Now that I can feel the baby kick, it is a reminder that he/she is there, which is nice reassurance (even though I may be the only pregnant person that doesn't really like feeling baby move all that much-it sorta weirds me out. But I digress). And I agree, it's becoming impossible not to feel pregnant, so I figure I might as well start enjoying it!

Btw, did you ever end up switching practices? Do you like your new one?

Whew, that was a lot. Hope everyone else is well!

@LovelyPlum: 29 weeks and I still don't feel much movement at all. Stupid anterior placenta.

@LovelyPlum: It seems to be one thing after another for you! That must have been so stressful (not to mention uncomfortable). In theory I like being pregnant and I'm very happy, but as these medical things get more intense I get kind of bitter that this has to be the way I experience it. I'm in the middle of switching practices; that's part of the headache right now. The new practice is pestering me to collect my records from all my other doctors, and no one wants to give them to me. They're telling me that if I don't bring them before my appointment, they won't see me as a patient whose been seen already for my pregnancy, which I don't understand at all.

@raintreebee: It is SO frustrating. I found out that the OB practice I'm leaving put down the wrong insurance company and no matter how many times I've corrected them they won't change it.

@spaniellove: seriously. I do like being pregnant in theory, and most of the time in practice...it's just not nearly as easy as I convinced myself that it would be! I'm just trying to enjoy the little things and go with the flow. All part of the ride, yes?

And that bureaucratic crap with your doctors' offices sounds miserable. Hopefully once you get settled into a new practice that you trust, the paperwork thing will be easier, and you can get down to the business of taking care of yourself and enjoying this baby!

Hi I wanted to reach out and say hello because I can relate to the same struggles that some of you have gone through. It took us over 5 years to become parents to our baby girl.