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I think we've had threads about this before, and people here who had child-free weddings said they did not expect OOT people to come if they had kids.

We didn't invite children to our wedding. It was a formal, night time event and it wouldn't have been appropriate. Plus if we had invited children, we would have added 30 guests to our list (220 attended as it was). It is the norm here in the NE to have adult-only affairs. Perhaps we angered some of my older cousins with kids, but most of them were excited to have a night out/ weekend free sans their children.

If you feel uncomfortable leaving your daughter with a new babysitter, can your husband's parents watch your daughter?Or your husband can not attend. Or you can choose not to attend.

I don't think your cousin was trying to be malicious, but weddings are very costly and that is why she isn't most likely inviting children.

We went through something like this, but I was also nursing a kid that was younger and didn't take a bottle. Come to find out some kids were allowed but they didn't want under a certain age, which literally only excluded our kids. We sent in a no rsvp. After some soul searching, they said they wouldn't feel right if we weren't there and asked us to bring the kids. It sucked to deal with the whole situation, but it was nice to participate in the end.

I get you're upset because bringing your 1.5 yr old would be so much easier. However, I think all she wants is for you to do is decide if you're coming or not and not make your childcare issue a concern of hers.

Decline the invite and send a gift. Saves you the most money in the long run that way.

We had a kid free wedding and people were irritated by it but if they didn't want to come because of it then I wasn't going to get worked up or hold a grudge. Everyone showed up (even out of towners) and everyone had a great time!

We did have a couple assume beforehand their kids could come, but if we let your one kid come I have to let the other 45 kids come and I wasn't looking to have that at my wedding.

@Alba4: If she was going to contribute a certain amount to a babysitter, I don't see a problem with that same amount going toward the nanny fee. But child-free weddings are not the norm here.

I had a child-free wedding, yes even for out of town guests.

We had 90 people at our wedding. If we'd invited all their kids, there would have been *30* children there under the age of 2. Yes, mostly babies. At an evening, formal event.

It was our call to choose not to do that, for a shit-ton of reasons. And people were pissed. Some didn't come, which was fine, and we understood. Many had family in our area, or brought family to our area, to help. One brought her kid and took turns with her husband who watched her in the hotel room. All fine. I wasn't upset in the least. We had many reasons for our choice and don't regret it.

@Meowkers: As the old saying goes, 'it's an invitation, not a summons.' If it doesn't work for you, you can choose not to go. I completely understand that you would not be comfortable with the baby sitter arrangement that your cousin set up (I wouldn't either) but she really has done more than most couples having an adult only wedding. It's their wedding, they should have the wedding they and you have the freedom to do what you feel most comfortable with.

Eh. I get the annoyance, but it's her wedding, so she gets to make the choices about the wedding. You get to choose whether or not you want to go. If it's too much hassle, just don't go. Sucks, but there will be other weddings (not for her, just in general).

I would just stay home and send a nice gift. Not worth the hassle to me! Your cousin should understand! Her right to have a child free wedding but the flip side is she doesn't have a right to get upset if people with children can't make it.

We had an intimate, child-free wedding for numerous reasons - namely because of the environment, time and menu of our reception dinner. We love children (clearly), but our wedding was about creating an evening for us, and not eliminating or modifying anything to be tot friendly. I'll be honest; we got a great deal of hurtful push back from some family. But at the end of the day, it was definitely the right decision for us.

After becoming a mother, I'm definitely more sensitive and understanding to the headache that is traveling with children and making special/costly accommodations for them. Yet I still wouldn't reverse my wedding choice or expect anyone else to invite my child to their event. I don't think your cousin is trying to be difficult or malicious. While I do not think she is at all obligated to arrange childcare, you are also not obligated to have your child watched by a stranger. It sounds like this might be an event you have to decline due to logistics. Both of you have the freedom of choice here - her wedding is her choice, and your attendance is yours.

I don't think this is that crazy at all. yes it would be nice if your LO was invited, but its' her wedding, and if she invites your LO, then there may be a bunch of other kids who would need to be invited.

Why can't your DH's parents watch her? And why does a babysitter need to be at the hotel with her all day--is the wedding an all day event? We are going to a wedding in FL in two weeks and we are having a babysitter watch our DD at the hotel since we don't want her to have to go to an evening wedding.

I also think it's kind of ridiculous to expect the bride to help pay for the child care costs for the nanny to come.

@Meowkers: oh no, the comment about paying was intended for others who have said that she is/should be paying fo rit, nothing you said.

What kind of a wedding is an all day event? Maybe your DH can skip some stuff, and then you just get a sitter for the reception or something. Honestly, if it's mostly your side of the family, I would prob be fine with just me going and DH staying home--I'd still have fun and LO would be taken care of.

@avivoca: ha hangry-ness is the worst!

I would absolutely not be okay leaving an 18 month-old in a hotel room all day with a stranger, so I get why that's unacceptable. Is it possible to tag-team with your husband and stay closer to the venue? That's probably what I'd do in this situation--I'd go to the wedding and make a brief appearance at the reception and my husband would hang out with LO. I don't understand why staying at the venue isn't an option, is that just because the babysitter would not want to make the trip out to the wedding site?