Hellobee Boards

@blackbird: ugh. haha. I can't even write about my feelings on that or else I'd probably get banned!!!!

@mr bee--and Law and Order! lol

@.twist.--yeah i know, it turned my stomach the day i saw that. I can't imagine deceiving your spouse like that. But I couldn't stop reading, though, it was a trainwreck!

Yes. In that scenario, all that a man has to do to get off the hook for child support under any circumstances is cough up money to terminate the pregnancy!

@mrbee: And THAT is why I'd tell my sons to carry their own condoms... not because I believe it's any more their responsibility than the woman's (I think it's an equal responsibility - anyone who is sexually active and isn't in a committed relationship should be carrying condoms regardless of gender...).

@mrbee, that would definitely fix the problem! Well, and not being married to a scheming lady would help, too They were all so sneaky about it!!!

@mrs lemon-lime-in that situation, i would think that re-marrying meant that child support became n/a because now the child has two parents?

@yoursilverlining: Interesting. Yeah where I live I don't think that's the case. I actually know 2 guys who have terminated their parental rights and they are not (and can not) be held responsible for support in any form.

@blackbird: If the biological parent doesn't relinquish rights then they are still the legal guardian. The step parent isn't able to adopt the child or make legal decisions.... Those rights are what make the child support still warranted.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: This is very relatable for me as well! Had I known what I do now I would've pushed for revocation of rights when DS was still little & didn't really know his bio dad.

@sloaneandpuffy: Oh, I don't think they're sitting back enjoying the fruits of child support. I guess my point was that IF you decide to keep a child knowing full well that the father doesn't want it and has requested termination, you should also be prepared to support that same child on your own.

Yes, the man should have to pay child support. He doesn't have to go through the actual abortion and the emotional and physical things that go with it, he's just fronting the money. He can't expect the woman to just so easily do that because he doesn't want the baby. It's not fair. If he didn't want a baby, he should have thought about that before having unprotected sex.

These are "everybody loses" kinds of situations! But the child really loses most of all. They know that their bio dad didn't want them, they know that their bio mom is angry and seeking money to support them... so they must be a burden (in their eyes).

I can think of a half dozen different scenarios where birth parent discord and disagreement leads to conflict. Ultimately, the major loser is the child who has to come to terms with the conflict and it's role in their lives.

@Mrs. Jacks: I agree that these are 100% "everyone loses" situations. I can say though that my mother was in this situation and never once did my brother know that she struggled or that she wasn't getting child support and he definitely didn't think that she was angry or seeking money. In this case (which I imagine are few and far between) my brother didn't really lose. My dad adopted him and my brother had a great life, even meeting his dad at 18 and they now have a good relationship.

@MrsTiz: I think this is one of those we're going to have to agree to disagree topics.

@.twist.: Well that's good. I hope there are more situations out there like your brother's.

I suspect it is somewhat less common than the other scenarios.

@Mrs. Jacks: Definitely an everybody loses situation! DH and I are actually fixing to start looking into getting DS's bio-dads rights revoked/relinquished due to him not really being part of DS's life (sees him 1x a year b/c I facilitate it). The only way to do this nicely & his bio-dad agree is to pardon the back child-support. Yea, he should have to pay it but the fact is it's DS that is paying for it by not being able to be adopted by DH (if something happens to me DS automatically goes back to his bio-dad) and he's already asked more than once why his name is different.

I think in alot of cases child support just keeps an uninvolved parent in the life of a child legally that would better benefit to be able to move on since financial support, while important, is not what the child needs to feel fulfilled.

Thankfully DS doesn't know anything about the unpaid support and has DH who is a wonderful father! Even so, there are aspects that DS hasn't been able to find closure in b/c of the way the system is set up.

Another perfect example is a friend I have where the father wants nothing to do with the baby & would likely sign away his rights no problem BUT for my friend to get any kind of assistance (she need childcare help since she works full time) there HAS to be a child support order. Once again, the child will be connected legally to a parent that won't fulfill their parental obligation. =/

I know for myself, seeing how DS has been affected has made me see procreating and divorce (even though I needed to get out for our safety) in a whole new light! I wish more people would really think about these things before "hooking up" or deciding to have children with someone!