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We were TG and chose to find out when we found out we might lose the baby. Being surprised at birth loses its appeal when it might not be a live birth. But it turned out that I was MUCH more connected to the pregnancy/baby once I knew she was a girl. I would never be TG now, having seen what a difference it made for me. But if DH were really sold, I'm not sure. I guess it would depend on how well I think I could keep the secret. Hope you're able to figure out a way to make it work for y'all!

@iheartleopardprint: you are not selfish at all. I get it. It's like the lights went on for DH- he could connect when he knew.

Just talk to him.

ETA I did for DH what FI wants you to do for him- I gave up what I wanted that's why I give that advice. But after a 42 hour induction there would not have been that magic "it's a girl" moment- I'm glad I made the choice I did. It was way more magic at the ultrasound than it would have been at the birth.

I am your husband in this situation and my husband would love to find out but it's really important to me not to. Ultimately my husband agreed because knowing is not something that can be unknown and it would of caused greater upset to me than him waiting to find out. I would just discuss it with him and see who feels more strongly. I don't think finding out behind his back is fair though.

I wanted to be tg, while dh wanted to find out. The compromise was he could know, but couldn't tell anyone and it worked out for us.

@Dahlia: agree - we were TG both times and really enjoyed it...it kept the last moments super exciting and made labour more fun than nerve wracking. Everyone was so anxious to find out, our families, friends, the nurses, and of course us! There were definitely times during the pregnancy where I was like "I just want to know!" - But I wouldn't trade those moments of DH telling me "it's a girl!!" when our daughters were born for anything.

That being said, TG isn't for everyone and that's totally fine too. I just wouldn't do anything without your SO's knowledge, I would definitely talk with him.

Good luck!!

We were team green for our first, and I definitely wavered wanting to know. We did accidentally find out 3 days before he was born because we had to have an emergency ultrasound...the tech said 'look away because it's very visible!' Which we assumed correctly it was a boy! I would absolutely do it again for a first baby, but we plan to find out for our second. Once we got past the anatomy scan I figured we waited all that time already so just keep it secret to the birth. It did annoy friends and family however...but I didn't want tonnes of gender specific stuff or comments so I was happy not knowing.

A family member of my coworker found out secretly and didn't tell her husband. She did successfully keep it a secret the whole time but when the baby was born and the husband said what it was, she blurted out 'I know!'. It did create some weirdness so I would encourage you to speak with your FI rather than find out secretly.

I've done both, and no I didn't really "enjoy" being TG my entire pregnancy, but I didn't hate it either. I was pretty whatever about it. There's an end in sight and you will find out eventually. If my husband was dead set on TG I don't think I could find out because I would be worried about slipping up and ruining it for him.

Proud Team Green Dropout! We found out the sex but have kept it a secret among just us 2 (we are announcing to family this weekend at our SKYPE shower.

I really wanted to be Team Green while my husband really wanted to find out so I gave in. He was okay with the idea of him finding out and keeping it a secret from me but I love that we found out together and have been keeping the secret together.

We were team green and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We were able to avoid getting a lot of gendered stuff and it was so awesome to find out at birth. I was so exhausted after pushing for three hours, it was amazing to find out we had a son. So I can understand how much your husband wants that and I would try really hard to respect that. Especially since this will be his only pregnancy/birth. If you really need to find out, yourself, do everything you can to not let on that you know and don't tell anyone else, so that he can still enjoy the surprise.

I can think of some examples from fiction where one partner found out and the other didn't- Like Sookie and Jackson from Gilmore Girls! I don't see any problems with it, but you have to have a heart to heart with your fiancé and make sure you're both at peace with the decision.

I was Team Green and both DH and I were totally on board because we liked the surprise. Since you've already found out twice, you could think of it as something different for this last pregnancy. Or not! Up to you guys!