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Did he say what’s not working for him? Too rushed? When is he getting up?

We just started new routine with the 4yo in school, 1yo in daycare and DW and I work full time. Here’s what we’ve been doing since start of school:

I work 10-6 Monday, 830-430 Tues-Fri
DW works 7-3 Mon-Fri

We both wake at 6, 1yo is often already awake. DW showers at night so she gives him a bottle while I shower. She dresses and I eat/putter around with 1yo. She leaves at 6:30.

4yo gets up at 6:40 and I make both boys breakfast and they eat while I do my hair while watching them from the powder room. 4 yo brushes teeth, I get both dressed and I’m the last to finish dressing. I put my pants and tank top on and throw my shirt on as we leave. We leave at 7:30, drop at before school care for 7:40, daycare at 7:50, I’m to work by 8:10/8:15.

DW leaves work at 3, picks up at school at 3:30 and daycare, home by 4 ish.

All lunches are packed in the fridge night before, all clothes are chosen and laid out, coats and shoes, backpacks packed. Same breakfast every morning (cereal for older, oatmeal and yogurt for little one, DW takes breakfast in the car, I eat cereal and take tea with me)I set a timer to play after the boys are dressed until shoes need to be put on.

So far it’s working surprisingly well considering I’m getting the 3 of us out the door together. DW is solo until about 5 pm, 6:30 on my late day. I meal plan and have the plan on the fridge for her to start things before I get home and we eat all together 5:30/6.

Outside of telling your husband to puss up my only suggestions are ds sleeps in clothes for pajamas so he’s already dressed? Or can you take ds to daycare because that’s so close to home?

I agree, I’m confused what’s not working for your DH. Our schedule is way more all over the place in both the morning and the evening because we juggle various childcare arrangements. Sometimes my DH doesn’t do anything to help get the kids get ready (like today), and other days (usually Fridays) he has to do everything: feed them if they haven’t eaten, do their hair, brush teeth, make sure they have the right shoes and coats, make sure their bags are packed if I haven’t, and bring them to the bus stop and daycare.

We don’t have a set morning schedule and honestly many days DH is working on his laptop in the morning and I’ll just ask him to do random things (but always the dishes). We do leave much later than you most days though. My commute is 3 minutes. DH is 35-45 minutes. Most mornings I get up at 5am, make lunches, go running, back by 6:30 so DH can run if he wants. Girls wake up 7-7:45 and watch TV/eat/get dressed (sometimes they’re already dressed when they come down, other times they have to go back up; 90% of the time they pick their own clothes). Monday’s and Wednesday’s I drop DD2 off at daycare (5 minute drive) then swing back to our street to drop DD1 at the bus before driving to work (all this takes 20 minutes). DH does this Fridays but usually drops DD2 off second because he goes into work later. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s my mom/MIL come to our house to watch DD2 and get DD1 to school. Pickup/end of day is different every day, and DH is home for dinner and bedtime on Wednesday’s and Fridays.

@Ajsmommy: what does he say when you ask him about this? Have you guys ever sat down together and made a list of before/after school responsibilities, so you can each see who does what, in plain, written form?

About a year ago, DH was complaining about feeling overwhelmed in the morning. My first reaction was, “too bad, deal with it. I get overwhelmed with it all in the evening, too”. But he was still unhappy and it wasn’t working. Eventually I asked, if there was ONE THING that we could change to make it easier in the morning. His answer? Making the beds. He was making our bed (because he woke up second) and the kids’ two beds each morning and felt it was a time suck. I offered to make 1 room’s bed, either ours or the kids, but pointed out that he’d have to wake up and be out of our bed, because sometimes our oldest sleeps until right before I leave. And then magically, he started setting his alarm and waking at the same time as me so I could make our bed after I showered—well, me adding on the one job, making the bed, combined with him waking 15 minutes earlier really made a difference and we got into a good routine and he didn’t feel overwhelmed.

And we both felt making the beds daily was important because we had a babysitter that came into our home daily and I don’t like to think of a sitter working in a messy, disorganized house. So it was a small tweak that made a big difference. Maybe you can find something like that after talking to your husband.

@Anagram: we also do the switch off of bedtime routines and we each have our task to do to prep for next day so it feels totally equal to us and neither feels overwhelmed. It’s so key in not becoming resentful! 8 pm is our downtime too!

We switch off who gets up in the night or does the pre 6 am wake with the baby too. Whoever gets up early doesn’t have to do bathtime that night and puts the older to bed. We each get a sleep in day til 8 am on the weekend. I pack DS1, DW and my lunch, she loads and empties the dishwasher before bed. While one of us does bath, the other cleans the kitchen.

@Ajsmommy: Except my dog starts whining at 6:30am to be let out and usually I don't go back to sleep after

@Ajsmommy: it’s actually been going crazy well (which I’m sure will now jinx it ha) but really I was prepared for madness and stress. I think it hinges on the boys being good in the morning and not throwing tantrums as well as the night before prep. If I’m scrambling it throws it all off. I have a client at 8:30 every morning so it has to go well. I do have a 10-15 min buffer just in case for tantrums and the eventual bad weather.

From what you write to another reply, you are literally doing everything so your hubby is gonna need to suck it up big time. I would make a list of all the tasks and divide it up between you and not give at all. You work too and these things have to get done regardless so it should be a partnership.

What does your husband babe to do besides dress your son and drop them off?

I work 8-4:30. My husband works a shift schedule so I usually do everything and drop all 3 kids off. Kids are 3, 5, and 7.

5:15 - wake up, shower, get ready, If I don’t need to wash my hair I can wake up at 5:30

6:15 - wake up 3 kids (dress them, feed them, brush teeth, make coffee, pack lunch if necessary

7:00 - leave and drop off all 3 (2 different spots)

8:00. - arrive at 8

This sounds smooth but I’m usually running around for the 45 minutes getting them ready. They tend to be slow and and one is hard to wake up.

ETA - when my husband can drop him off he does. My day basically starts 30 minutes later. But I still do mostly everything to get them ready. He hurries them if need be.

Here's our usual split:
MORNING
Him: Up @5:15, shower/get himself ready, breakfast for everyone, lunches for everyone, feed/walk dog.
Me: Up @5:45, take care of baby, get myself and her ready and out the door, 1 hr commute to daycare dropoff and then work.
Him: Get other 2 kids up, hair/teeth/potty, feed 1 breakfast, 2 separate drop-offs, walk to train, train to city.
EVENING
Me: Daycare pickup for baby, commute, 2 school pickups for kids, take care of dog, snacks, start dinner, start homework
Him: Pitch in when he arrives with anything that needs doing, after dinner baths/showers, kids dressed for the next day
Me: About an hour of cleanup and prep for the next day. Put the baby to bed, nightshift when any of the kiddos wake up
Him: Put the other two to bed

My suggestion for your DH would be to BUCK UP, which is not helpful I know. Maybe it is a matter of trading off something particular, as others suggested? We're both exhausted and completely drained by this schedule, so I doubt we're a good model for anyone.

I know you asked what my mornings are like, but I think your husband needs to get up earlier and get moving. Sorry, you're a grown up and these kids are yours, too.

For us, both DH and I wake up at about 6. One will shower while the other kind of hangs out in bed, does other personal morning stuff, then we will switch.

I get DD up at around 6:30, get her dressed, teeth brushed , hair done. I pick out clothes for DS to wear and DH changes his diaper and dresses him. We get out the door at around 7:15 and I drop the kids off at daycare before heading to work. I work 8-5 and my commute is about 1 hour between drop off and driving to my job (I'm usually running late because of something or another). Kids eat lunch at daycare. DH has a flex schedule and has to work 8 hours and has to be in by 9. He often works late despite whatever time he gets in due to the nature of his job.

You're doing everything you can. Your husband needs to buck up.

I don't know why you feel like you need to make anything easier for your DH. It sounds like you are pulling much more than your fair share of the weight.

My Schedule:
Up at 6:30, I shower and get ready. DH gets up and makes DS's lunch and then gets in the shower when I get out.
DD gets up around 7 and then comes into our room and watches cartoons while we finish getting ready.
DS wakes up and gets himself dressed and watches cartoons if we're not ready yet.
DH takes DS downstairs and gets him breakfast around 7:30 and I get DD dressed. She eats breakfast at daycare.
DH leaves for work around 7:40, he will take DD to daycare if I have an early meeting.
I pack the kids backpacks and we walk to the bus at 7:45.
Bus picks up DS at 7:52, I drive DD to daycare right next to work and am in my desk by 8:30.

I mostly have to agree with the others--his morning isn't "easy," but neither is parenting, and you are bending over backward to set him up for success.

Our morning is unique (DH works full time from home, but he absolutely can't be disturbed--calls are recorded--so it's mostly working outside the home but with no commute), but I'll chime in anyway.

4-5--I get up. I work 4:30 or 5:30-7 a.m. on-line, so I get sort of ready, and then work.

7--DH promises to be out of bed (or home from the gym) by now. He starts working on breakfast for DS1(6) and DS2(4) and any packed lunches. I get DD (4 months) and nurse.

7:15--Boys are allowed out of bed, they dress themselves and start eating breakfast. I'm usually done nursing/getting DD dressed by 7:15 or 7:30, then she does great in a bouncy seat.

7:45--Boys are supposed to be done eating. They get teeth brushed, etc mostly on their own. I frantically try to eat something and help finish lunches if they aren't done--try to squeeze in some clean-up. If DH can spare a few minutes, he tries to spend some time with DD.

8--Out the door--DS1 gets on the bus. DS2 and I sometimes return to the house for 30ish minutes before carpool picks him up for preschool, then I go to work. When I was leaving earlier (around 8), I dropped off DS1 and took DS2 to work with me (I taught preschool). I usually had to do morning dishes when I got back from work around 3.

For me to start working on-line from home in the mornings, it took a big adjustment from DH. He is NOT a morning person, so it took time for him to understand that it wasn't fair for him to expect me to do all the morning things and be ready for work at the same time as he just needed to walk upstairs to his office (this was before baby, so technically I could do it, but it was hard). Now he's a pro and can handle it alone when he needs to.

I am not a morning person. Ironically, DH and I work in the same building 25 minutes away (with no traffic), but we drive separately because my hours are way more flexible than his.
DS is 4, DD is 2.

7:00 DH wakes up and gets ready
7:30 DH leaves
7:30-8 kids wake up and come cuddle with me till everyone is awake
8:10 Me and DS get dressed in a 'race' and I get DD dressed
8:15 We get our shoes on at the shoe bench and I pour dry cereal or granola into bowls for the car
8:20 Hop in car and leave, kids eat during the 10-15 min drive there.
8:35 drop off kids
9:10-9:30 arrive at work
5:00 I leave to get kids
5:45-6 pick up kids

I am lucky, meals are provided by daycare so I don't need to pack anything, and I hate mornings, so we've really stripped down the getting ready time as much as possible. I also hate cooking in the morning, so dry cereal all the way.

I kept looking for what your DH actually has to do and it is SO minor. F that. I'd honestly be shifting a bunch of what you do on to him to make it more even.

You already have to wake up crazy early and he gets to sleep in, so... again, F that.

I usually do a majority of the morning myself by choice. DH is usually up by the time we leave.

DS2 is usually up 5-5:30. I get up with him and make coffee and he plays. Sometimes I’ll tidy up. We wake DS1 at 6:30 if he’s not up. We all have breakfast then get dressed. I shower and pack lunches at night. We are out the door about 7:20. I drop DS2 at daycare and DS1 at school and I’m at work by 8:30. I’m not a morning person but enjoy our mornings as everyone is happy and we aren’t really rushed. If DH is uo he will help whoever needed.

In the evening DH picks both boys up from daycare and they get home about 4:30. He gets DS2 fed. I get home about 5 and then DH starts dinner. I get bags unpacked and DS2 to bed. He’s in bed at 6. Usually we’ve had dinner by then. We both work on clean up or whatever needs to be done. DS1 likes to help with lunches. One of us gets DS1 showered and he’s in bed at 7:30.

DH has more flexible hours so he takes care of more around the house during the week. I think I may do a bit more but he’s pretty good about helping out with anything I ask.

I do the whole morning routine alone, but DH does a good bit of the evening stuff so I feel it’s mostly balance. We only have one LO and one on the way so not sure how it will change when we have 2. I work 8-5 and DH works 7-330.

530 - I wake up get myself ready, get lunches together (made the night before), chill, drink coffee. - I used to go to the gym but now I have no energy while pregnant.
6ish- DH gets up and gets himself ready and leaves at 645
630- I get LO up, make him get dressed, get his cereal, put on a show for him, etc
7- leave for school drop off
715ish - drop LO off at school and head to work.
745-8 - arrive at work.

DH almost always picks up LO, rubs errands If needed, gets him a snack, has him do homework and has dinner started or ready by the time I get home from work. We switch off on bedtime duties. The only exception is if he is out of town then I do the evening stuff.

@Ajsmommy:
6:00-wake up, get myself ready
6:30- DH wakes up, feeds/kennels his dog, takes a shower
I get the lunches/waters together (DH does his own)
for me, the baby, and DS (I put together the baby's
lunch and DH does DS' the night before)
6:45/6:50- wake and dress the baby
6:55-7:00- I BF the baby while DH is getting DS dressed (I don't pick the clothes,) brushed, and figures out DS' breakfast
7:10- Out the door. DH helps me load the kids in my car. DH has about a 15-20 min commute and I work in town, so I drop DS off at my MIL's house (she meets me outside,) I take DD to daycare, grab coffee, and then go to work (I get there around 7:35/7:40.
3:00- I pick up the baby from daycare, go home, settle a bit, and feed her
4:00- DH comes home with DS
Evening-- DH cooks dinner, does the dishes, packs all lunches (mine included) but not the baby's. I do general living room cleaning and wipe down the counters after he's done cooking.
It's not perfect but we really have this divide and conquer mentality. I do most stuff for the baby and he does most the stuff for the boy. He's gotten annoyed before when I've tried to do his stuff (laying out clothes, etc) because he can do it himself.

@Ajsmommy: we both WOH, so this is what we do...

DH: Up & out of the house by 6:30 most days, his commute is about an hour and 15 min..... except Thursday, he does the morning routine that day since he has to work until 7 that night. (SO NICE just having one day off from getting the kids ready & out the door)

Most mornings, I get up at 6:30, kids usually get up between 6:30 & 7.... I make breakfast, kids lunch's, get the kids ready for school, etc. Bring my 1st grader to the bus stop at 8:10, me and the preschooler head home and get ourselves out the door by 8:30, drop off at preschool at 8:45... Then I drive 1 hour to work.

We have activities every day of the week except Friday, and I try to WFH that day if I can.... My husband usually meets at activities, and Thursday I bring my older son to hockey with my little guy.

UGH, it's a grind...

We split pretty much all tasks down the middle:

Get up when DS wakes us by 6 am
Breakfast, coffee, cuddles, cartoons, feed dogs
I get DS dressed, teeth, hair
DW makes his lunch and assembles his backpack
DW leaves with DS at 8 am then goes to work; I leave and go straight to work
DS is in school 8:30- 5 (aftercare)
I pick him up and we are home by 5:30; DW is home before us and making dinner
I unload his lunchbox and backpack
We eat dinner
Playtime
I do DS bedtime routine while DW cleans up
He’s asleep by 8 pm and we both work a bit more from our laptops
TV, lights out by 10