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We flip the language around, and tell them what they can do. Say, "you can't hit Mommy, but you can hit a pillow when you are mad." Or, "we only throw balls." They are just learning what the rules are and toddlers are supposed to push against them to learn the limits. Validate the feeling and offer an alternative to the behavior you don't want.

We don't do time outs, but if things are really bad, we have a "break". Just one minute where we put her in her crib or room to reset. (And honestly, it's more for me, as a reset, so I come back to the issue after a deep breath)

I absolutely love Janet Lansbury's website all about respectful parenting that is caring but also sets boundaries for children. She has lots of info about the tantrums and mild aggression of the early toddler years. janetlansbury.com

We had the same issue with both my sons. Time-outs did nothing; as 1.5 year olds (really until age 3) children are not developmentally equipped to understand them. For my sons (both hit a lot), it would come and go. It was just how they were. Nothing I did helped the situation. NOTHING. But they are both super sweet, well adjusted kids (who went to kindergarten and don´t hit there!)