I feel so bad. When my daughter was born she was the center of my universe. Now I have a newborn and it is soooo hard raising him with as much love and attention while still being totally present for her. I seriously lost it today when he was screaming to be breastfed and she was supposed to be having independent quiet time. I literally watched her work herself into a tantrum to compete with his hunger cries and I just yelled "stop it!", which set her off for reals. I tried to explain he needed mommy and I need her to be a good big sister, but finally just left the room to feed my poor newborn. My DD eventually quieted down so I got to BF for 10 minutes before calling down that she wanted quiet time to be over. I lugged the semi-asleep and content newborn up to her room so we can lay in bed for her so she'll nap, waking him completely in the process. Now I'm Bfing in her bed with her hugging my arm and me sternly telling her to close her eyes and take a nap. She finally fell asleep. He fell asleep. I had a coffee. But I feel soo guilty about being so stern with her. She's only 3. I'm afraid she's going to hate me and I'm going to be a mean mommy.
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I'm sorry, that sounds really rough. I have had quite a lot of moments like that with my 2 year old and I'm still pregnant with baby sister. I'm trying to at least apologize when I lose my temper. And I tell myself she won't remember those rare moments.
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Oh yeah, it's hard. I had such a hard time and felt like a failure every day. It gets better and now it's so good most of the time. But it is so hard.
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Just apologize/explain and don't beat yourself up.
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I went through the same when both were at home with me during the summer. It's so hard and plus you are tired all the time!!
I also apologize quickly and give her a hug, and try to explain briefly why I'm upset. It won't be this way forever and you'll find your groove eventually.
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It's hard in the beginning but it gets better! Hang in there!
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Going from 1 to 2 was (and still is) so hard. Much harder than going from 0 to 1. I struggle with the attention thing daily. You're doing everything right - give yourself a break.
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Thanks everyone. She's up now and we're having cuddles. I really hope she doesn't remember these episodes. It's a short time while the baby is so needy, I just hope there aren't lasting effects where she doesn't feel like I'm there for her.
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SO MUCH YES. 2 is so hard, and not because the newborn is hard, but because the toddler is so needy!!! I want to rip my hair out multiple times a day. You are not alone!
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It is extremely hard. So many people say that the 1 to 2 transition is easy, but I really did not find that to be the case at all. It does, however, get easier - or I think you just get used to the chaos?
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Awwww. I have been there many, many times. Believe it or not, I have lost my cool then apologized to my 3.5 year old later. I feel so bad afterwards. Sometimes when I know I'm getting to the point where I want to scream, I leave the room.
She's not going to grow up to hate you. Promise. And neither is your son.
Both my girls still have mommy preference.
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I know it's hard, but please let go of the guilt. Honestly, this will happen more than you think it should but remember, it's an adjustment for everyone. Your 3 year old needs to understand that (at this time), the baby is going to need you a little more. The newborn will learn to wait a little, and you will learn to do it all.
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Give yourself grace and let it go, Mama. Balancing two is tough and will get worse before it gets better but once you find the balance you'll be awesome!
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I read something on here once that was eye opening. I can't say it worked for me all the time but it's something to consider. Someone suggested tending to your older first and letting the baby cry/fuss for a minute. The minute it takes to get your older settled with a snack or activity will be worth it when they stay patient while you are with baby. And the older is used to having a quick response from you while the baby doesn't have any pretense.
I know it's hard to let your baby cry and I'm not sure this would have helped in this specific situation, but give it some thought.
And yes, two is hard. But it will be worth it one day when they busily entertain themselves and plot their revenge against the parents
I've been there (am still there as my little is turning one and the four year old is still jealous).
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The transition to 2 was so much harder for me than 0-1. I promise, it will get better and easier. Be kind to yourself, mama. Your babies, and you, will be just fine. For now, do whatever you need to, to make it work. Hugs
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This exact scenario is the reason i let my three year old quit napping. It only ended in tears and yelling. We moved bedtime up and life is much easier (well, at least on the map time front.
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@Golden: hugs mama. I constantly feel like my kids are short changed. My toddler doesn't get attention because of the baby, and vice versa.
Drink all the coffee, try go easy on yourself. -
I'm with @Rockies11: give it some time at 6 months and 26 months things are pretty great and I feel like I'm mastering things again. It happened with J too it took me a little while to feel on top of it so while I didn't expect it this time, I think everything just takes time
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Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the kind words, and to know I'm not alone!
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@OhCaptain: I would consider dropping nap but she needs them, she still will sleep 2 hours at nap and moving bedtime any earlier won't work with our schedule. If I could I'd make bedtime 4:30
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@Golden: word. Mine are 18 months apart and I feel awful that DD1 just doesn't understand
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I am there with you.the baby is 6 weeks old and my 3 year old is so needy now. Constantly wanting cuddles right when I have to mute him and showing up in our bedroom at 2am crying because she specifically wants me and waking the baby in the process. Awful. It will get better though, it has too!!! I can't believe I ever thought a newborn was tough, they are so much easier than toddlers!
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@Golden: I only do mornings on my own so far and I get frustrated too! It's tough, hang in there. I just keep telling myself in the tough moments that lo1 became three in the blink of an eye and before I know it they'll go from newborn and three to three and six. It helps but I roll snap at the three year old because she can be SO defiant and talk back and argue and constantly negotiate EVERYTHING.
I also think that not the snapping but the not having constant attention is in the long run going to be a good thing for the older kid.
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This is what I worry about when we have a second. She won't go to bed without me by her side, but when we have a newborn, that won't always be possible, and with daddys job, he won't be home most nights to help.
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Ugh yes! My 3 mo is very difficult and my 2.5 yo is so emotionally needy the past couple months. I keep reminding myself that baby will only be a baby for a short time and it's rough, but it doesn't last that long. But....I just want to sleep!!!!
I've been there (am still there as my little is turning one and the four year old is still jealous).
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