Hellobee Boards

I don't get it either. I think there's been some out of context reading that contributed to the culture. I don't really think it's biblical.

I wouldn't attribute it to all of Christianity, it's mostly the more conservative, fundamentalist Christians who believe that way.

Not sure what the specific connection is, or if there is one! Honestly, out of my group of (Christian) friends, there's a pretty even split on those who spank/don't, CIO/don't, etc.

Well, I don't think it's a secret. The Babywise books were written by two Christians who founded a for-profit Christian organization and were originally explicitly aimed at Christians and marketed as Christian teachings, though secular versions are now published.

The merits of the author's somewhat dubious biblical education aside, they are and were marketed as "Christian" parenting books within a fairly mainstream faction of Christians, especially evangelicals.

i didn't know there was a connection. we read and followed some babywise ideas but we don't spank.

It was certainly marketed at first to Evangelicals but I wouldn't say all Christians parent the way the Ezzos teach. I'm a Christian and I certainly don't!

As for spanking, yes, there is a Bible verse that says not to "spare the rod" but there is also another one (Psalm 23) that refers to God as a shepherd says "thy rod and staff, they comfort me." It is my understanding that the meaning of the word rod is the same in both of the scriptures. As such, my husband and I believe that the "spare the rod, spoil the child" passage is referring to the rod a shepherd would use to help keep his sheep from falling off of steep cliffs and to help corral them. A shepherd who was comforting his sheep and keeping them safe would never use a rod to beat his sheep, only to help safely keep them on the straight and narrow so to speak. In that same vein we believe instructing and guiding our children and creating boundaries for them is, in effect, using the "rod."

@coopsmama: That's a neat modern day interpretation, but I honestly think it's pretty unlikely that the ancient Hebrews--a Bronze Age society that regularly slaughtered, enslaved and/or raped surrounding tribes--did not spank their children.

Also, they used the word "rod" to specifically talk about the parameters for beating slaves: http://www.religioustolerance.org/sla_bibl1.htm

"And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money [property]."

@anandam: I'm always a bit mortified when people assume we follow the "To Train Up a Child" Michael Pearl model of parenting, or similar texts, because we are Christian and live in the South. There is a lot of stuff out there that hides behind the justification of Christianity for it's teachings, when in reality, they're anything but. Our church parenting groups focus on books like Grace Based Parenting.

@Boheme: I grew up thinking Mike and Debi Pearl were a gift from God to parents! Ha!! They actually came to my childhood church and spoke over the course of a few nights. As an adult I am beyond horrified by many of their teachings. I am so grateful that my parents disciplined the way they felt lead (and yes, that included the occasional spanking) rather than trying to break our wills and spirits like the Pearls teach.

@Skadi: I don't think it's a stretch at all to imply that early childhood can effect the future of that child. I prefer to take advice from people whose children are happy, healthy, well-functioning adults who have a good relationship with them - which is my long term goal (and far more important than having an easy child).

@blackbird: I agree. I think it's completely logical to assume early childhood affects adult behavior.

No one would be commenting on the Ezzo's relationships with their children if they didn't set themselves up as parenting experts, especially "experts" that promote extremely controversial methods that are criticized by many pediatricians and psychologists.

@Skadi: An ad hominem attack? Really? I think you're taking it overly personally because you're pro-BW/pro-spanking. Your private life can totally discredit your professional life if the two are intertwined, as is the case here. It's been widely confirmed that they are estranged from their daughters. Not wanting parenting advice from someone who has no relationship with their children seems fairly logical to me. By the same token, if I was looking to buy a book about improving your marriage, I probably wouldn't choose one by an author who had been divorced multiple times. No, I don't know the details, but that person still isn't the kind of 'expert' I'm looking for.

But really, none of that is on topic, because none of it answers OP's question. I believe @yoursilverlining: addressed that already though.