I never ask anything like that when I find out a friend is pregnant.. I figure if they want to tell me it was a surprise or planned....they would let me know!
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No! I've hated it when people have asked me. I think it's a rude question.
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Never!
@Andrea: why are you up?!I'm so starvingyggggg
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Never! I think it's so rude! I can't believe people ask those kind of questions!
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No! I've been asked that so many times and countless other rude questions. Some people are just so unaware.
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@chopsuey119: uuuuuugh, been sleeping like poo. Watching the Real Housewives now!
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I hate it! ( just because DD was kind of a surprise lol ) Still..MYOB!
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They probably hate it but yeah, I ask, if it's a friend. I've been asked a million times, before, during, and after.
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No, that's incredibly rude!
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I would NEVER ask that!
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Never! I think it's rude. I wouldn't even volunteer that kind of info in a casual conversation (unless it's with my close friends). However, I met a relative of DH that kept repeating, "enjoy it" as in enjoy the pregnancy ... She just kept repeating it over and over and found it so odd that I almost told her it was planned. I figured she probably thinks I'm younger than I am (I'm older than she is)!
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Definitely not!
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No, that is so weird! It's like "Let me ask you about sex with your husband and what's been going on with your vagina!"
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Come on...if its my best gf, then yes! But my gfs tell me everything ahead of time so I'd know if it were planned or not (we literally know each others cycles)
Anyone other than my 2 best friends--no. Not even my sister (because she's younger than me & that's awkward). -
Nope. Ot asked all the time with my fourth. I know it's because people thought we were crazy but still, don like to have to explain all my life choices
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@autumnlove: No, I don't. I don't even understand why someone should ask; who cares?
Every single person we have told so far has asked us, and it's making me wonder - do people think we aren't equipped/ready to have children, or something? We're both appropriate ages, have good jobs, and many of our friends have children. It's extremely disheartening.
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Nope, that's a rude question.
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I have always known who was trying and who wasn't!
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I would never ask someone that...totally rude! I have been asked, several times. Ugh.
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I never ask anything like that because I think it's rude. But I am always curious to know (but never ask) how long they've been trying (if they were actively trying).
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I had a friend get unexpectedly pregnant and she called me sobbing (this was years ago.) I asked her "how do you feel about it," because it was the best, non-judge mental, open question I could think of. (And for someone who tends to blurt things out without thinking, a major accomplishment.)
But no, I would never ask if it was planned.
I had a friend of DH's family ask me "how it happened" when he heard we were pregnant and I laid it out for him. (Almost 2 years of trying and 2 miscarriages, so it was done by a reproductive endocrinologist with lots of drugs and a syringe full of DH's contribution, thanks!).
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I did it once without thinking and then immediately felt awful about it. That was three years ago and I''m still like, oh my God, why did I ask that?! So rude. I'll never do that again.
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Nope, that seems pretty rude to me. I might tease a friend about it, but that's only if we're close
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No, never! A co-worker asked me right in front of my boss after I announced at work. I was super uncomfortable.
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No!! And please don't do this! I just wrote a blog post about this. I had a miscarriage back in march and I found these types of questions really awful, since I didn't exactly feel like telling everyone about my loss.
You just don't know what others have been through.
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No, because it's not my business. I got asked this a lot at work by patrons (I'm a librarian) and it was super awkward. I wasn't sure if they thought I didn't know how to use birth control or what...
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No, I would never, ever ask that!
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Nope, I've never thought to ask if it was planned. I have to admit it may be a passing thought in my head though, if she is very young and unmarried or got married after getting pregnant.
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No I dont ask that. I thought it was really rude when people ask me that.
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No, no, no. So rude! If she wants to share that with me, fine, but I would never initiate that conversation!!
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No! But people have asked me that
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I have (duck and cover)... I've asked my one (and only) friend who is pregnant, but I think it might be different based on the relationship I have with her.
We're super close, blunt, sarcastic, and to the point (in other words, super likable people...
)--they were VERY vocal about not having kids, and it was something we frequently talked about. We actually had just had a discussion on a Monday about how she couldn't imagine having a baby, blahblahblah, and on Wednesday, she told me she was pregnant. So yes, after blankly staring at her, asking if she was serious, and saying "no way," the next question was if they were planning it. That then led into a 30 minute freak out of how no, they hadn't.
Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't walk up to a random person or acquaintance/someone I am not as close with and ask them that...I do have SOME social filters...
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Never! I DO have 2 friends whose first pregnancies were unplanned (as in, a few months pregnant at the weddings they had been planning for a year.) They are both open about it being a surprise, but even though, though I would have assumed, I wouldn't have asked. If someone tells me they are pregnant, generally that means they are happy about it, so that's all I need to know.
I do wonder sometimes, but really, I'm 31, most of my friends are in the early 30s, somewhat recently married, so I just assume it was planned. None of my business if it wasn't. Asking if it was planned does seem to imply that you don't think this is a good time for them to be pregnant or that they don't know how to use birth control. I'd be offended if someone asked me. -
@ms.janedoe: OK that's a different situation. I'd ask then too-- it's just that none of my besties have said they DON'T want kids. So I'd have no reason to ask anyone I am close enough with to ask.
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The only person I EVER asked that question to was my sister, because her pregnancy came as SUCH a shock to me. I didn't even think they wanted kids, let alone that they were trying. Otherwise, no, I never ask. I think it's rude.
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I have been asked this question so many times, and I hate it. I've volunteered this information to close friends and family, but I still hate the question from acquaintances or, you know, SO's mom, ugh.
I do think it depends on the relationship between the pregnant person and the asker - I don't think it's always inappropriate.
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Nope. Never. RUDE.
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No way! I think it's really rude! Usually if they are a close friend they will tell me anyways or I can usually tell by the way they acting about being pregnant.
I got this question a lot when I was pregnant bc it was only 3 months after our wedding. I hated it!
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@meredithNYC: i did this also several years ago--i just blurted it out. i don't know what i was thinking (well, clearly i wasn't thinking), am so embarrassed about it, and would never do it again!
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No never.
Anyone I'm really close with, I'd probably just know if it was or wasn't planned and even then I wouldn't ask. Anyone else, I would never ever ask.
)--they were VERY vocal about not having kids, and it was something we frequently talked about. We actually had just had a discussion on a Monday about how she couldn't imagine having a baby, blahblahblah, and on Wednesday, she told me she was pregnant. Subscribe to our newsletter
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