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Which would you choose - overbearing or hands-off grandparents?

  • poll: Which would you choose?
    Overbearing grandparents : (81 votes)
    57 %
    Hands-off grandparents : (62 votes)
    43 %
  1. loveisstrange

    pineapple / 12526 posts

    Well, C only has one set of grandparents as my DH's parents both passed away before I got pregnant... so overbearing.

    My parents are very involved, babysit all the time, and bought a house 5 blocks from us. They were the kind of parents that came to every school event, concert, play, etc when I was a kid, and they're already doing that with C too. My mom borderlines overbearing sometimes, but mostly they are pretty chill.

  2. alphagam84

    persimmon / 1095 posts

    @SweetiePie: You sound exactly like me! My IL's are nearby and super overbearing but they also offer terrible unsolicited advice. My parents live out of state and are great at not bothering us-although we all text almost daily and I send them pictures of her (unsolicited).

  3. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    Hmm it depends. Overbearing is preferable assuming they respect your decisions. If they don't, then forget it I'll take hands off.

  4. lemondrop

    bananas / 9118 posts

    Definitely overbearing. The kiddos adore their grandparents and I want to keep that relationship as happy as possible.

  5. Cherrybee

    papaya / 10570 posts

    My inlaws are overbearing by your description. In fact, they're a little more intense than your example - they have a key to our house and pop over when we are out to *help with something*. I come home to dishes in my sink. My MIL tried to call us three times in an hr a few Saturdays ago and, when she couldn't get us (we were out having breakfast), she decided we had died of carbon monoxide poisoning, turned up at the house and then started knocking neighbours doors to see if anyone had seen us. We have to keep them in the loop with every tiny thing we do. Its really suffocating. But the trade off is they're always there to help and they genuinely care about us and E.

    My mum is much worse than your example, in that she wont babysit at all, but its really the disinterest that bothers me. She likes to have pictures of her granddaughter smiling, but doesn't want much to do with the reality.

    Id pick the overbearing ones in a heartbeat.

  6. SugarplumsMom

    bananas / 9227 posts

    Hands off. I can't handle overbearing.

  7. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @alphagam84: exactly, I would be much more inclined to send my MIL pictures and stuff if she wasn't so obsessed. I know that sending her pictures will just open a whole new can of worms for me.
    We have an agreement - I send my fam pictures and my husband is responsible for sending his fam pictures. That way I (mostly) don't have to deal with them asking all kinds of questions and requesting pics anymore. I got so sick of it.

  8. skipra

    pomegranate / 3350 posts

    The hands off grandparents sound like a dream. Your description is way more involved than my in-laws. I wish they showed enough interest to stop by for even important events. They barely even show for our los' bdays.

  9. Happygal

    pomelo / 5000 posts

    Hands off all the way. I've always been independent and private, so that works best for my personality.

  10. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    Overbearing. I had hands off grandparents and truth be told, I missed what I didn't have because a lot of kids around me had grandparents and I knew what I was missing...hello grandparents day. I never had anyone to bring.

  11. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    My inlaws are here. Again, I confirm, hands off. 😂
    They are constantly in his face and pulling him in for a hug and he is squirming and I just can't even.

  12. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3706 posts

    Having had experience with hands-off, I'd choose overbearing for sure. Being uninvolved is very hurtful. Luckily they've come around in the last year and are the right balance of involved.

  13. csross217

    kiwi / 554 posts

    I'm pretty sure I would choose overbearing! I *think* we'll have a set of each... So far, my mother has been very hands-on and helpful, and she's good about not giving advice unless I ask. DH's parents, on the other hand, are very hands-off and always have been. It's really stressful for him that they'd rather not be involved, and there have even been a few times recently that they've said very hurtful things to him (the latest was "we're not rearranging our lives or schedule for you" when asking if they'd like to stop by and see the nursery). I guess we'll see if things change in May when baby girl arrives!

  14. rachiecakes

    coconut / 8279 posts

    Overbearing. Our parents have never babysit, they don't come out to visit us ever (once after he was born...he's 4 now), even when we ask or desperately need someone. They've cancelled on attending birthday parties and in the rare chance they do attend they make a big deal of getting there/getting home and make it all about that. It's stressful and makes me a little sad.

  15. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    Hands off! Stay out of my business!

  16. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    @Cherrybee: my overbearing MIL does similar stuff. And if we have vague plans to see her anytime that day she shows up any time. Sometimes she shows up hours early. And because of when I was sick (about a year ago now) and she was helping us she has a key. I've come home to her in my place quite a few times. It can be a lot but she also brings dinner a lot, so that's nice. I'm glad she cares but sometimes I wouldn't mind her caring a bit less, lol. Plus some of it she does I'm pretty sure because she wants our kids to have something done her way not ours. Luckily dh has gotten pretty good about setting better boundaries!

  17. jetsa

    grapefruit / 4663 posts

    Overbearing. I want my kids to love they're grandparents the way I loved mine and that means time with them without us.

  18. NovBaby1112

    grapefruit / 4066 posts

    Overbearing for sure!

  19. Kbee

    kiwi / 560 posts

    I voted overbearing, as much as it hurts. My ILs are the definition of overbearing. Prime example: when my DS was 4 months old we visited my ILs, SIL, and BIL the weekend following the first week that DS was in daycare (i.e. it had been a hard week for me). My FIL said multiple times that I was not allowed to hold my DS because I saw him all the time. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. However, my DS loves spending time with them and I know they will be very loving grandparents. My parents are not in either category, they respect us being our own family, but also love DS to pieces and love spending time with him. I'm more inclined to send pictures, invite them to visit, etc. because they don't give us guilt trips like ILs do.

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