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@Raindrop: It's 100% not your fault! Technically, it's your parents' fault, but in your case, it's no one's fault b/c they had to speak English to you so you could keep in up in school.
I don't count b/c I immigrated here when I was 13 so I was already fluent. My sister on the other hand can't read/write, but she's fluent in conversation, and can actually kinda read. My parents never did anything over & above... She didn't go to Chinese school, but we did watch a lot of HK drama's at home haha! And we did speak a lot of Chinese/Chinglish and went back to the motherland frequently. Also I think it's really the kid too.. My sister was very interested in her culture/language and made an effort herself.
With DD now, DH and I speak different dialects. We both speak Cantonese, he's fluent in Mandarin where as I am like 80-90%, and then he also has his dialect on top of that. I don't ever expect DD to even know dialect, since his family can all speak Mandarin. My mom speaks a lot more Cantonese to her than me. When she gets a little older I do plan to introduce Chinese books/music/videos and I plan to teach her Chinese myself without having to send her to Chinese school. I really want her to learn in a fun way (since all my friends that went to Chinese school hated it, but then regret not learning!).
But if she's just not into it, I'm not going to push her. I'll do my best to make it available to her, but in the future, I can't really say it's anyone's fault if I tried my best, and even if she isn't interested, I wouldn't say it's her fault either.
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@brownepiano: I think it really depends on the kid. My son was bilingual until 2 when we added a 3rd language. He mixed up his two main languages all the time until he was about 2.5. My daughter has been trilingual essentially from birth. It's fascinating to see the differences. Whereas, my DS would speak any language to any person regardless of what they spoke and speak sentences mixing 2 or more languages, my daughter has always made the distinction between which language she speaks to which person and very rarely speaks multilingual sentences.
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If you HAVE to blame someone, I would say it would be your parents. However, if it was causing issues in school, I think your parents did the right thing. I feel like it shouldn't be a kids responsibility to take it upon themselves to learn a language.
DH blames his parents for not teaching him Spanish as a child. He took it in High School and has used the app Duolingo to help teach him more. But it's definitely more difficult to learn a language as an adult than it is as a child.
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I'm not trying to sound like a d*ck I promise, but I'd be like who cares? It's illogical to blame someone for something like that so I wouldn't pay it any mind. But I deal with utterly delusional parents so I guess it's easier for me?
I don't think it's anyone's "fault" - it just happened. Your parents made a parenting choice to favor your English skills because they weighed the pros and cons and decided learning English was more important, but have remorse about losing your native tongue. The end. Perhaps your mom thinks it has something to do with you because your other siblings speak Cantonese better, but again, like there's no logical way to "blame" someone for that. I naturally pick up languages better than my brother, but it's not a fault per se in my brother, it's just how we're built.
In Asian cultures they DO tend to blame parents for everything "wrong" the kids do, so perhaps your mom is trying to deflect that "shame" onto you by acting like she tried to make sure you knew Cantonese but you were just unwilling to learn.
Again, illogical and stupid, so whatever, who cares.
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@snowjewelz: << since all my friends that went to Chinese school hated it, but then regret not learning!). >> Right here!!!
@lamariniere: that is so fascinating about your kiddos! DH was joking around the other night and suggesting that we move to Europe if Trump becomes president... He says he qualifies for an EU passport.
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@sunny: I don't blame you tho! I'm sure it was horrible to have to go to school on top of school!
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@snowjewelz: Haha Thanks!
I know it's not my fault, which is why I think I get upset when my mom blames me.
It's no one's fault! She doesn't need to blame anyone! Haha.
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Ha. I mean if your mom was so worried about it, she should have worked on it more with you! But I agree, its not anyone one person's "fault" - it just happened.
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@sunny: he he, come on over. But here, it's actually not much better. They just elected a far right candidate for president, but since he didn't get 50% of the vote, there's going to be a second round soon, so I'm not sure if he's going to be the actual president or not.
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My vote is that it's your kindergarten teacher's fault!
When we were kids, the whole English language learning landscape was totally different than it is now, so I don't *really* blame your teacher. But that sucks what happened.
What I do think helps people to maintain the language of their parents is having someone in the house who only speaks that language, or if you visit that country often enough. I think it's all about the kid realizing that knowing that language has VALUE.
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I would vote that its maybe everyone's fault a little bit (does that make it no one's fault?) Language is a tricky thing and it takes a lot of factors to learn it and more importantly keep it.
One thing that I still try to work out: my DH and 4 of his siblings were born in France, spent a few years in the US (except the youngest), then back to France, then moved here permanently. They were ages A-16, B-14, C-10, D-8, and E-1 when they moved to the US permanently. His parents speak French pretty much exclusively at home and expect their kids to do the same. Everyone is fluent in French apparently some of them now sound like French is their 2nd language, when it isn't. According to his mom the best are A and D, then C, and B and E are the worst. Doesn't make any sense from an age/development standpoint. *BUT* I feel like "being French" is a stronger part of A and D's identities, so it makes sense that they might have put in extra effort to continue to speak like a native. Just 1 interesting observation.
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My situation is different than yours. My mom is English speaking, my dad is bilingual (Spanish/English), and I didn't live with my dad year round because before before my parents divorced, my dad traveled frequently and for long periods for work, and then after age 7 I usually only saw him every other weekend.
So, I blame my dad.
I know it would have been harder in that situation to teach us Spanish but if he wanted to, he probably could have. He has two younger children with his wife now and they live with him full time and they also don't speak Spanish.I don't think my dad blames me but he has also made comments that my brother and I weren't "interested." It's probably hard as a parent to feel that guilt so it's easier to shift the blame.
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If anyone, it would be your parents for following the bad advice of the teacher, but I guess no one!
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This is a part of my every day life. I speak Greek fluently, but my mum's mother tongue is the Macedonian which she never taught me to speak (other than a few words/phrases that I picked up). She blames me for not teaching my daughter to speak Greek, and I blame her for not teaching me to speak Macedonian, which in turn she blames me for not learning! Uhhh hello, where was I going to learn it from?? The wind??
The best is that my husband does not speak Greek at all, even though we have the same ethnic background. A relative of his once blamed me for not teaching him how to speak Greek... are you serious?? His mother had him for 23 years before I married him, NOT my fault!!
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@FannyMae: lol I loved everything about your comment!! :). Sorry we have this in common.
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@Raindrop: crazy familes!
what bothers me most is that I feel much closer to my Macedonian heritage/side of the family, but I can't speak the language! I do cut my mum some slack though, as she didn't have very many relatives here that she spoke her language with, whereas we have a big Greek family and they dominated.
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