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WOHM/WAHM in Hetero Relationships: Do You Make More or Less than your DH?

  • poll: Where do you stand?
    I make more money than my DH : (70 votes)
    19 %
    I make less money than my DH : (98 votes)
    26 %
    I make the same amount as my DH : (16 votes)
    4 %
    I make more money than men/co-workers in my field : (9 votes)
    2 %
    I make less money than men/co-workers in my field : (25 votes)
    7 %
    I make the same amount as men/co-workers in my field : (50 votes)
    13 %
    I have no idea what other people in my field make. : (46 votes)
    12 %
    I want money, lots and lots of money, I want the pie in the sky : (60 votes)
    16 %
  1. Ginabean3

    pomegranate / 3401 posts

    When I used to work, DH made way more than me. He's in finance while I dabbled in teaching and then marketing. We both have graduate degrees.

  2. MrsKoala

    cantaloupe / 6869 posts

    My field is female dominated and very poorly compensated so I'd be shocked if a man made more than I did mainly because we don't make a lot and I don't know any men who work in my field.

    That being said, I make significantly less than my husband but he is in a higher paid industry and has been in that industry for 8 years whereas I have only been in mine for 3 years.

  3. mrs.shinerbock

    pomegranate / 3779 posts

    I make less than DH. We have degrees in the same field, but he has a PhD and I have a BS. We are both underpaid. Him because he has chosen to put flexibility and job satisfaction over $$ and me because I have no confidence in myself and did not negotiate my current salary. I know my male colleague, who works in the same position, but has less experience and a degree in a different field makes more than I or my other female colleague do. Now that I am here, I realize that I had much more negotiating power than I thought I had, I should have asked for a lot more.

  4. mediagirl

    hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts

    Well, he's not working now so I make more. He will potentially be making more than me by mid next year. I look forward to that day.

  5. mauxie

    persimmon / 1043 posts

    DH makes way more than me.. I have an MA, he only has a BA. We started in our current positions around the same time and while my pay and position has grown, it is definitely not to the magnitude DH's has.. But he is a "go-getter" type and has demanded/negotiated higher pay a few times now.. I now realize I should have negotiated my starting salary with my current employer from the start... but yeah.. sigh.

  6. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    Laughably less than my husband (attorney). We both have graduate degrees, but teaching just isn't lucrative (to say the least!). This was comparing full-time position to full-time position...I'm only part-time now.

    As soon as I did the math and figured out it would likely cost me more to have our future kid/kids in daycare/with a nanny full time than I make as a teacher, staying home a majority of the time was an easy decision. I also have a small tutoring business and work part-time at a local school, so we'll be able to have a nanny a few hours a week and I'll still come out ahead.

  7. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    DH makes a ton more than I do, but it was by design.

    We are both attorneys, but I chose a low-paying government position that was super stable, allowed for part-time/reduced hours once we had kids, really cheap/great benefits, and pretty regular hours aside from 2-3 times a year when its SUPER busy, but predictably so. I also got put into a unit where almost everyone is a working parent to young children (mostly moms) so there are a lot of part-timers and we're always covering for the parents who are out because of sick kids. That was tough to deal with when I didn't have a child but now that we have a baby I wont feel bad if I have to call in sick or go to reduced hours. Our bosses also have kids and know who they are managing, so its not Earth shattering to call in sick if your kid is ill.

    DH started in a government job too while building his private practice. We made it a point to build his business and maximize his earning potential because we wanted to pay off our student loans ASAP and because we wanted me to be able to stay home if I wanted to. We also wanted to build DH's career so that he could have the flexibility to be around a lot more for our kids too. He ultimately left his government gig to be a professor at a college, so he does both right now. He teaches 2-3 days a week from September to May and has summers and winter break off. He runs his practice the rest of the time from home. Hours-wise, he works a lot, but there's a lot of schedule flexibility.

    I'm currently on a 1-year leave of absence from work (another perk is that they will hold my job for a year) and with an 8 week old, even if DH is super busy working in his office, its SO NICE to have him around 4-5 days a week to hold LO for 10 minutes while I shower or just be supportive while I go through this newborn phase. DH is happy I can be at home with our kiddo while he's super young and not worry about what kind of care he's getting, especially since we have a colicky reflux baby that has been, until recently, a nightmare baby.

  8. My Only Sunshine

    persimmon / 1129 posts

    When I worked full time I made more than my husband. Once I had my daughter I dropped to 30 hours a week and now we make almost exactly the same salary.

    @Rockies11: I'm also a private practice lawyer and feel the same things you said. It's frustrating to work in a profession that still sometimes feels like a 'good ole' boys' club.'

  9. MrsSCB

    pomelo / 5257 posts

    I make way less than my husband but I'm a journalist and he's a database engineer so.... haha. I actually don't know how much a male in my position would make and whether it's the same because my office is all women except for the very high level people (which kind of makes me go "hmmm...")

    ETA: I do think that a large part of the pay gap is that women are less likely to negotiate. I know I am when my DH got his current job, he negotiated his salary $15K higher than they offered. I don't think I could do that. Although he is not making the most he could as a database engineer because he works in a niche that pays less. He loves it and is really passionate about the work so I'm happy, but I know he feels bad sometimes that he could make more.

  10. plantains

    grapefruit / 4671 posts

    I make about 40k more than my DH bug that is because he is a teacher and grossly underpaid. I am on par with the men in my office because we have a salary step system and thee is no negotiating around it. Thank goodness for that too.

  11. dagret

    grapefruit / 4235 posts

    I currently make more salary-wise, but he's in sales so he has the potential to make more than me. He might not hit his target this yr but def. will next year.

    I've made more throughout our entire relationship, but I was 3 yrs into the workforce when he graduated college. My career is fairly established and he has really only found his groove in the past 2 yrs. Last year was the first year he ever made more than I did.

  12. MrsH

    honeydew / 7667 posts

    I make more than my DH but I also have more degrees and work in an entirely different field.

    In my field, I am sure there is still a pay gap between men and women.

  13. getjazzy

    persimmon / 1179 posts

    I make more, but hopefully one day he will make more, when he gets to where he wants to be career wise.

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