My college friends (like 25 of us grownups) have an annual Friendsgiving coming up. One of my friends also expressed desire to have a baby shower for #2 around that time. Most of us aren’t local and can’t travel twice so I suggested doing it at Friendsgiving. Now I can’t figure out how to do it. The party will be casual with lots of kids, traditional thanksgiving food, and beer. No set start or end time.
The expecting friend has been having an anxious and uncomfortable pregnancy and I think she sees this as a way to lift her spirits rather than a gift grab.
How do I pitch it to my friends? Is it weird to send invites to an event they’re already attending? Especially one that changes the focus of the party? Just send an email saying we’ll celebrate the mom to be while we’re all together?
Any ideas of food or activities that would blend between baby shower and Friendsgiving?
persimmon / 1365 posts
My mom's side of the family has an annual holiday party in mid-December and my mom rolled a small "sprinkle" into it last year when I was pregnant with #2 (I really didn't want this, but she wanted to do something for me so I just let her run with it).
My aunt was hosting so she just sent an additional email to the one that usually gets sent about the party and said that there would be a small celebration for my baby. Some of the snacks were baby themed instead of holiday themed (light blue m&ms, blue cake pops, etc) and she had a frame set up with some baby pics of DH and I. I opened gifts but mostly just my mom and a couple aunts paid attention, everyone else mingled like normal. Honestly, the whole thing felt a little weird to me but then it was over and the party carried on.
Maybe instead of a "shower" it could be more like a beer and diapers themed friendsgiving? Like bring a dish and a pack of diapers for the mom to be?
pomelo / 5563 posts
This is not really the point, but is the friend who suggested having the shower the same friend who is having the baby?
Is there somebody hosting the Thanksgiving event?
Honestly, I don't really see how you'd do this - is she envisaging a traditional shower with gifts, etc? Because are the men going to want to be involved in that? And if not, what is she imagining is going to happen to "celebrate" the mom to be? If she just wants a group of friends to get together to take her mind off things, that's already happening.
One thing I think you could do is email your group of friends and maybe organize pitching in to buy her a group gift, and present it at the Friendsgiving?
pomegranate / 3966 posts
I would also suggest more of a "baby and beers" or "baby is brewing" theme. I had a kind-of sprinkle for my 2nd where friends showed up to an already-planned event with a pack of diapers for baby. We didn't do anything else baby-related though.
Maybe some games that can be played throughout the night vs. everyone-play-right-now. These printables could be cute, https://www.etsy.com/listing/589568133/7-baby-shower-games-pack-in-gold?ref=pla_similar_listing_top-2 and then just have prizes at the end of the night?
grapefruit / 4492 posts
I would get ahold of everyone and see about chipping in on a really nice gift/splurge that she really wants but would never buy for herself kind of thing. Tell everyone they can bring a childrens book as a card, and you'll take care of the rest. So it won't be an actual party or anything, but still really nice. She would have a books to read her child that are personalized from her friends that she might not see often, and something really thoughtful that she might not have otherwise?
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@erinbaderin: that’s my question too... if the friend who suggested having the shower is also the expectant mom this does sound like she’s asking for a gift(s).
Honestly, all I would do is to plan to serve an extra special dessert that is clearly about mom and baby. I’m assuming all the friends know she’s having a baby. Those that plan to bring a gift will.
nectarine / 2433 posts
^^^ what she said
I think this would be so cute to do a little sprinkle and a Friendsgiving. I think she'd be appreciative. Or phrase it as "let's celebrate this little turkey!" (or nah?). I wouldn't do too many games or make it too structured shower-ish. Maybe just some baby decor and have her open something.
squash / 13199 posts
@Corduroy: I have the same question as pp, it sounds like the expectant is asking for the shower for herself? To me that would make it a bit awkward
pomelo / 5257 posts
The expectant mom is the one requesting the shower. She was planning on throwing herself one but I pointed out that between the holidays and Friendsgiving DH and I wouldn’t be able to make another trip before baby comes. I honestly don’t understand why she was going to throw herself one. She was dreading doing it. She’s not a baby shower person. I’m also not sure why having a casual celebration at Friendsgiving was preferable to having one that would include her family and other friends.
She mentioned she’s having a lot of anxiety and based on my last visit with her I think maybe depression as well. So I think it’s more trying to drum up positive feelings than a gift grab. She doesn’t seem to really want much stuff. I would totally be giving this post the side eye myself but I offered to do it so I think that the ‘should I do it’ ship has kind of sailed.
pomelo / 5257 posts
I don’t plan on telling my other friends that the shower was her idea. It is a little awkward and I don’t think it adds anything.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@erinbaderin: The event will be held at a friend’s house so he is the host. There’s another friend coordinating. I plan to explain my plan to them (once I have it) before communicating to the wider group.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@pachamama: I love the “little turkey” idea. I think that would work with my friends and keep it pretty casual.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@josina: I haven’t seen the baby or beer belly game. I think that would fit the crowd.
persimmon / 1141 posts
Hmm, I also don’t think you have to overthink it. As you say at this point, the “should I do it” ship has sailed and it seems your friend is a little down and anxious. I’d simply email either the entire group (or just the females if they’re the planner/helper types) and say it’d be nice to acknowledge the pregnancy and to have a mini shower at the Friendsgiving. I don’t think that’s weird at all, but would definitely make it clear that it’s casual, super low key and not the main focal point of the getogether. So like others have mentioned, pitch in for a group gift, collect books for the baby or do one very simple activity (write messages on diapers, well wishes for baby that can be turned into a book, etc.). Think the key is to make it low key and casual. The mom and pregnancy will be acknowledged and I’m sure people will bring gifts or diapers on their own accord and that’s probably all your friend really needs (and being surrounded by friends). I wouldn’t even do decor or favors. Maybe one centerpiece like a diaper cake or some fun baby themed nibbles. I think it’s a really nice gesture, kudos to you for heading it up!
persimmon / 1111 posts
So, I agree the "should I do it" has passed, but keep in mind that you're setting a presedent that all second babies get showers. If you're not willing to do that with everyone or if there are already second babies that didn't have sprinkles, I might reconsider. It can create really awkward dynamics.
But if you do it, I'd just send an email like "S is having a rough pregnancy. I'd love to celebrate her and the baby at the Friends giving. I'm going to get a cake and card. If you want to contribute towards a gift let me know". That messages that she needs her friends and takes a lot of awkwardness out of it.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
@Corduroy: I think the casual, email, little turkey thing is great. I also think it's really nice of you to do this. I never had showers or anything for lo2 and lo3 and although I'm similar and not a shower person, I had a rough time with #2 especially and #3 was just very uncomfortable with nausea and carrying very low and it just would have been nice to have someone inject some good feelings there, so I think this is just a really nice way to lift her spirits. I hope she has an uneventful last bit of her pregnancy and birth.