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Would you consider a temporary long-distance marriage?

  1. Minnie_Girl

    persimmon / 1453 posts

    Indefinitely? Heck no. Our family is more important than work, so we'd have to find a way to stay together. I'd not leave DH's side for long, children or not. I'd be miserable without him!

    *tiny digital crowd cheers "USA! USA!" to @Rubies*

  2. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    I might, but only without children. You can't get that time back.

  3. mrsjyw

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts

    Sounds like a great oppty, but I couldn't do it indefinitely. I could def do it with a length of time associated with it, but not potentially "forever."

  4. PrincessBaby

    cantaloupe / 6610 posts

    So I have a different perspective, because my husband works offshore, and so he is gone a lot.

    If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would get married and only see my husband half the year, I would think that would never happen!

    DH works offshore on an oil rig. He is second in command to the Captain, and will be a Captain himself within the next year and half or so. He has nothing to do with the drilling or oil. He is strictly in charge of the movement of the rig, as it is basically a very large boat. He is gone for 3 weeks, and home for 3 weeks.

    Financially, this means huge things for us. I still work, simply because I'm in medical device sales and my job - while difficult and competitive - is pretty cush and I make good money and get a lot of perks like a free company car. BUT, if Harper gets here and I can't handle everything on my own, we will still live very comfortably on just his income. So I think that you have to consider HOW GREATLY it will impact your financial situation. Is it enough to give it a try? I grew up in a household that always struggled financially, and I have come to appreciate, without hopefully sounding like a spoiled brat, that living with absolutely no money worries and pretty much being able to do what we/I want is MUCH nicer than having to worry all the time and be deprived.

    Secondly, we are ALWAYS on a honeymoon when DH is home. No one can really understand a married life with so much time apart until they have done it (I certainly couldn't!), but we are so grateful and so appreciative of every second together....We truly cherish it. And our friends that are together every day - they don't get that every day honeymoon that we have. They get in a routine, and maybe get "used" to each other. Every time DH comes home, we are just GIDDY for the entire time he's home.

    It was a very tough adjustment at first. This started about 1 year into our relationship. But this is our normal now, and I have come to appreciate time to myself to get to the gym/yoga, do decorating projects in the house, get my hair and nails done, and quite honestly - I go shopping a lot for the baby and myself now that I need maternity clothes. The time actually flies. And then DH comes home and his house is perfect and his wife is well-groomed and well-dressed and we have a blissful little perfect life for the time that he is home. When he leaves again, the cycle starts over:)

    So I think that anything is do-able. It just depends on if it will impact you financially enough to try it. You can make it work if it can, and what is not normal to a lot of people, can end up being your normal and can make you perfectly happy:)

    Just my two cents;)

    ETA: This has been our schedule for the past 4 years, and will continue to be so. He will always drive boats, and there is no boat-driving job with his caliber license that operates 8-5. Right now, another option would be for him to drive cruise-ships, but that schedule is not set, so at least we know his schedule (as you would) and that makes it a LOT easier!

  5. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    I don't think I could. Maybe try it out for 1 or 2 months and see how it goes.

  6. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    I think I could, i'd miss him like crazy but I think I wouldn't lose my mind if I were alone for a little while, I like my alone time and I think it would make DH and I's time together sweeter.. Look at military wives, they do this all the time.

  7. sulli301

    pear / 1764 posts

    I think it would be a hard adjustment, but absolutely doable! I also can see how it could bring you all closer when you were together

  8. Alivoo01

    wonderful olive / 19353 posts

    Indefinitely?! Yikes!! A couple days a week, sure, but not M-F! That's rough. Unless you move with him, that's a different story.

  9. heffalump

    GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts

    Maybe before I had a LO, but now no way. I want him to be a big part of her life, and I want help with her!

  10. Rainbow Sprinkles

    eggplant / 11287 posts

    I couldn't do it. But DH and I are used to spending every waking moment together (literally) and we both would get separation anxiety. Unlike other couples, we aren't really super independent of each other and we don't have much "alone" time. We do everything together... I couldn't function with him gone! Props to those who can do it though!

  11. SugarplumsMom

    bananas / 9227 posts

    I couldn't do it, even if it was just temporary, even if it was just for a month I couldn't do it. With the baby here I need DH there for us more than ever. I know of some ppl that make it work, but for us, it's just not worth the sacrifice.

  12. Mrs. Pen

    blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts

    @Mrsdaredevil: haha same here!!! I have such a hard time when he leaves for work in the morning - and and three nights a week he teaches evening classes, and I tend to get very depressed when he's not home in the evenings...

    Since you have the option to move WITH him - I would totally do it!! I am always up for an adventure. It'd be a good opportunity to experience a few new places- spend some time taking your daughter to some places she'd otherwise maybe never see. 2 hours isn't that far from NY - you can do to the Bronx zoo, visit Boston or Cape Cod one weekend, Philly the next. It's close to SO MUCH!!!

    I would totally do it if my hubby had that opportunity.

  13. bienlivingdesign

    apricot / 275 posts

    I have a number of friends who are in relationships where one of them is gone Monday-Thursday/Friday (consultants, etc) and they work it out just fine. I think it's a personal decision!

  14. littlebug

    honeydew / 7504 posts

    I wouldn't be able to do it indefinitely, no. Cherry Hill is RIGHT across the bridge from Philly, and there is SO MUCH to do here! Tons of kid-friendly things, plus amazing restaurants and bars. NYC is only a 1.5 hour drive, or a super-quick train ride. You're like 1.5 hours from the beach, 2 hours from Baltimore...it's a great location!

    Have I sold you yet????

  15. Rescuemom10

    pear / 1965 posts

    I grew up with primarily seeing my dad on the weekends. It stunk I guess but its what my parents had to do. I dont think it was that bad. Then again I am married the to the Military and was prior Military myself so being away just is "life" to me.

  16. birdofafeather

    pineapple / 12053 posts

    i am doing it for about 9 months while DH goes to school 3 hours away. he'll be up there M-F to focus on school and then home on the weekends. there is NO way i could do it indefinitely though!

  17. Honeybee

    pomelo / 5178 posts

    We would like to relocate in the next few years, and DH and I have agreed that if we needed to we could live like this (DH coming home on the weekends only) for a few months. I don't think I could do it indefinitely, though.

  18. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    No I think long distance puts too much strain on the marriage. People make it work but its not for me.

  19. LuLu Mom

    GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

    If it were indefinitely then I would move to be with him. I wouldn't like to be apart that often, especially with young children who need their daddy. I grew up with a dad who worked nights, and it sucked not seeing him until the weekends when we were in school, it was his biggest regret and one he still talks about since he missed out on so much of us growing up.

  20. mrskc

    bananas / 9357 posts

    My parents did this and still do. My stepdad works in LA during the week and drives 2 hours home every weekend. It seems to work for them, and I think they cherish their time together. My mom says it also helps with communication b/c you can only talk on the phone during the week. You're forced to talk to each other that way! I don't know how my mom dealt with being a single parent to four of us during the week though. I don't think I could do it indefinitely.

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