I'm a tad mortified and didn't/don't know what to do. My darling sweet 18 month girl loves music class. She loves one particular drum so much that she's had a hard time lately giving it back to the teacher. Today, she did a little tantrum and then she THREW the drum across the room!!! It almost hit a younger child. What would you have done?? This is new and I'm not sure how to handle it. I don't know if she fully understands me when I try to tell her "no, we don't do that".
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I would go through these steps:
Stop her physically (calmly) and say "Drums are not for throwing." or "I can't let you throw the drum. I'm worried it will hit someone and hurt them."
Then describe her feelings: "You love to play that drum! You aren't done playing with if! It makes you mad to say goodbye to the drum."
Normalize the feeling: "I feel mad sometimes, too "
Support the emotion while setting the limit; "It's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to throw the drum."
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Don't be mortified. She's 18mo. 18mos do things like that. They are impulsive and still learning to communicate.
They also understand the word no. Her receptive language is probably better than you realize.
This is the kind of behavior that will probably repeat, and you just need to reinforce each time that it's not ok, and why. Eventually the lesson will sink in and she will grow up enough to change her behavior. But she will have to outgrow it to a certain degree.
My son was a playground disaster at 18mo. Total jerk to other kids. At 20mo we put him into daycare for two mornings per week. His behavior eventually improved. I don't know if it was due to age or if the group environment helped.
It helps to remember that most of this stuff winds up being just a phase. Be patient, respond appropriately to encourage good behavior, leave the situation if it is getting out of hand, and don't overthink it. Every child does things like this.
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I agree that she probably understands more than you realize.
I would have immediately said “LO, we do not throw things” so she can immediately associate my words to her action, and then taken her to the side/away from group to have a slightly more detailed conversation like woolly mammoth said.
If it continued or happened again, I just leave/remove.Don’t be embarrassed. I’ve definitly left a music class or two because my 18-24mo (at the time) was acting up. It happens, and I think other parents and caregivers know that. They are looking more at your reaction I think - if you ignore or smile like it’s funny or don’t even notice because you’re on your phone, that’s more of an issue (to me and other moms I know) than the child’s actual behavior. I probably would have also apologized on her behalf since she can’t yet. Just so the teacher also knows that I know it’s not ok.
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I agree with most pp. This age is when they start doing things like that. Most moms will just look to how you react instead of what your child did. You have to just figure out how you want to react/ discipline to it. It is also a phase, but they transition to other things that will embaress or push your buttons.
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@Woolly Mammoth: I totally agree with all of this, except adding in that if another child is hurt, telling lo “let’s check on x’s body, are you okay? What can we do to make you feel better?” Ie getting ice, giving a hug, etc. They do this at my daycare, I think it teaches empathy plus shows how actions have consequences for others
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@nana87: Yes, that's another good step if someone is hurt or scared. Daniel Tiger has a nice take on it: "Saying I'm sorry is the first step, then how can I help?"
At 18 months, my son was easily overwhelmed by his emotions and it was clear that he didn't know what they were - like he didn't understand why tears were coming out of his eyes or he was feeling hot. Labeling them and reassuring him that emotions were normal and that I experience them too was key to getting him to calm down.
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@Woolly Mammoth: @nana87: @Eko: @SweetiePie: @ElbieKay: Thank you, girls, for all your suggestions. I think I handled it in line with what you all are saying. I'm praying next week goes better for my sweet girl.
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It's all a part of learning and growing. She did something totally normal! Everyone's suggestions are great. It's never fun being the patent of "that" toddler. But we all go through it. Stay calm and supportive as your guide her.
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Its totally normal and your response just needs to be consistent, whatever it is. 18 months is a rough time, but putting in the time to be super duper consistent with the phrases, rules, boundaries, and consequences REALLY pays off and soon. DS2 is 22 months and he had a rough go from 16-18 months - just a jerk bag all the time - but really in the last month we've seen a lot of more development. He understands what timeouts are now, will go put himself there if we tell him to, he can repeat our nags like "we are NICE. NICE." while gently patting someone on the arm, he says "no thank you!" (angrily) when he doesn't want something or want to be touched or bothered, has learned to share when prompted, claps for himself when he does something good like put away toys, and has come a LONG way in taking turns on toys with his older brother. And he will say "sorry" and hug you if he knows he's done something wrong. That's not to say he doesn't have tantrums anymore, but it just shows he's aware of what the boundaries and expectations are.
In your shoes, I would have said "NO, we do NOT throw toys, that is NOT NICE " (its a standard chant in our house). We are NICE to our friends, we are GENTLE." We would walk over to the friend who almost got beaned and say "Can you say sorry to X? Say sorry." If we knew the friend, we might offer a hug or a high five. If our kids were just flipping out about it, we would remove them from the classroom and hold them until they finished their fit and then return. And I would do that every single time until they learned to pull it together and understood that I will peace out if you act like a jerk in class.
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Well, we're still struggling with my son throwing things when he gets mad and he's 2.5, sooo... I'm probably not the one to ask
He's been doing it since that age, though. We call it his "Hulk rage" - he's like not in control of his emotions and his instinct is just to throw whatever he can grab. If I see it coming I try to ward it off or physically stop him from throwing (which makes him FLIP OUT even more). When he throws a toy or something, I pick it up and say "No throwing toys. I can't let you throw toys. I know you're mad." And I take the toy away until he calms down. Unfortunately NONE of this seems to have deterred him in any way from throwing things when he hits that "out of control" stage. Interestingly, he has NEVER thrown anything at daycare, only at home! So I think he knows "the rules" but just feels more comfortable in his emotions at home. I am just trying to be consistent and have patience - he is so little and his feelings are so big. I am hoping he'll grow out of it as he gets older and learns to control his feelings a little bit more. This morning he was STARVING (he eventually ate a big bowl of oatmeal, a whole yogurt, a whole grain waffle, and a pancake) and he asked for a granola bar and I apparently opened it the wrong way or something (?!?!) and he started screaming and grabbed a tupperware container and just chucked it as hard as he could while wailing and crying. Uggghh.
But once he ate, he was fine.
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At 18 months she definitely understands a lot and knows what "no" means. I would have taken her aside and talked about what she did and how it was wrong. If she still acted up, I would have left class early.
He's been doing it since that age, though. We call it his "Hulk rage" - he's like not in control of his emotions and his instinct is just to throw whatever he can grab. If I see it coming I try to ward it off or physically stop him from throwing (which makes him FLIP OUT even more). When he throws a toy or something, I pick it up and say "No throwing toys. I can't let you throw toys. I know you're mad." And I take the toy away until he calms down. Unfortunately NONE of this seems to have deterred him in any way from throwing things when he hits that "out of control" stage. 
But once he ate, he was fine.
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