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Life is too short to be unhappy.

Kids are smart and they pick up when something isn't right with Mom and Dad. I have too many friends that are horrible in relationships because they don't know what a healthy one is and how to have one because their parents didn't. So they grew up thinking fighting, unhappy, parents are normal.

ugh, geez. Sure, marriage is work, but nobody has the right to be miserable, either, if they don't love someone anymore.

this is totally one of those areas that people love to say divorce isn't an option, i would never get divorced, etc etc, and yet....years later, you never know what happens. 50% of people get divorced, and it isn't because they're all lazy suckers who won't work on their marriage. I've had a few friends get divorced, and they're so much better for it.

Of course, the demographic you're speaking to is all relatively newly married, with new little babies. When those babies are 15 years old, it'll be interesting to see how the responses change

@blackbird: agreed

I hate Dr. Laura...I think she's divorced herself, actually.

I was divorced...I grew up in a home where it was taboo. "Death til you part"...but once my ex cheated and acted like an ass, I found myself wishing he were dead so I could be out of there. Once I realized that was a horrible way to live, I left. I was SO miserable, and he didn't want to work it out. He's still a miserable person.

I am SO happy with my DH now. I couldn't dream of ever being away from him, and THAT's how marriage is supposed to feel. I shouldn't feel trapped.

DS has never acted like it was an issue. He was young when we split...18 months. I just told him we're going to gramma's house...and then we never left, lol. He didn't care, as long as his Mama was with him. His dad is a dead beat, so he doesn't have much long lost feelings for it. He now sees his dad every other weekend, and I encourage it, but he can see his dad for himself, now, and knows that he and I are way better off with DH.

Dr Laura is bat shit crazy and the worst hypocrite I have ever seen ... She's divorced herself and yet is so "morally" against it for everyone else?

I agree with it. I would never believe someone shouldn't get a divorce if that's what they felt was right.... BUT married or not, I do sometimes feel as though couples split up a bit too easily, either at the first sign of a problem or because one/both of them feel the grass is greener. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just maybe it could have been avoided.

I remember both of my parents telling me, on separate occasions when I was younger, that they stayed together for us kids. Now they have been married 45 years and still going strong and things are much less stressful than when we were growing up!

I would obviously try to repair the relationship to the best of my ability before I bailed, but I've had friends grow up in homes where their parents were only together "because of the children", and it was miserable. Unhappy parents are going to make for unhappy kids. Life is too short, and not everything is fixable.

I will honestly say I think my parents should have gotten divorced. I grew up in a home where my parents constantly screamed at each other. I screwed me up, emotionally.

Yes, I think you should work on your marriage before you get a divorce, but I also think that you should get divorced if you are truly unhappy and cant make it work.

People who say divorce isn't an option are naive or masochistic . . . or both.

@septca: Very well put. We have a lot of control over our own mindset... sometimes it's more that than the other person!

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

I do think people give up too easily, but many also get married for the wrong reasons too. People do change over time, they do forget why they fell in love, they forget to nurture the relationship with the one person who is their teammate.

We took the idea of marriage very seriously, we didn't make that move until we were absolutely sure we were ready- it took us 8 years. That's just us though. My parents knew each other for 3 months before they got married, I swear they have the strongest marriage I've ever seen.

Everyone is different, again I don't see a right our wrong answer, it just makes me sad when couples don't try to make it work first. Everyone has rough patches, everyone takes their spouse for granted at some point or another. Man, we need a date night, I've definitely been neglecting my husband this week!

I disagree. I dont think any couple who considers divorce doesn't at least try make an effort to try and make things work. I see a lot of couples stay together 'just for the kids' and are usually completely unhappy. They fight all the time, sleep in different rooms, one is always away working, and/or living a whole other life. Why put your kids through that? That is way worse than separating and beginning a new life. I grew up in a divorced house. It was rough but watching my parents fight all the time would have been much worse.

Every situation is different.

In general, I believe in "as long as you both shall live," and I think that there are some people who walk out of marriages too casually. On the other hand, a bad marriage makes *everything* harder, especially if both parties are unequally committed. In that case, who am I to say that there shouldn't be a way to get out?

For us personally, we view our marriage as a sacrament, which is not something to be taken lightly, in our eyes. I can't say I would *never* divorce DH, but we would have to try everything, and it would have to be *really* bad, for me to consider leaving. I know that he feels similarly.

I don't agree with the advice she gave that woman but I do think that marraige is something that needs work. I think a lot of people take it too lightly.

I think if you got married you kinda have an obligation to try to make it work.

@Weagle: Pretty much. Both of your examples fall squarely into one or both categories previously identified.

And people who get divorced aren't any less religious or moral than those who stay in a marriage. (Although you didn't say this, your comment implies that those with superior morals/religion are above divorce.) That's nonsense.

@LovelyPlum: Totally agree! Not saying divorce is a no-no, but should be the last resort when you both know you've done everything you can. The other situation is when only one person is trying and the other completely gave up. But I think as long as both sides are willing to communicate, then you can't throw in the towel so easily!

@Weagle: I think we agree? My only point is that when we make a public and spoken vow, ideally it is a promise that we feel comfortable committing to in our hearts. If there's a mismatch between the vow in our hearts and the vow we speak, then the spoken vow loses some of its power.

In any case, I agree that vows aren't the issue here... it was just a side thought. I support divorce, as I mentioned above!

Divorce is generally a huge, expensive, upsetting hassle even if both parties agree, and if you have children there can be a lot of guilt involved and the continued stress of trying to work out a coparenting relationship with your ex-spouse when you have abandoned the marital relationship. I doubt anyone takes it that lightly. Of course it is not the first option when a marriage is struggling. Of course you have an obligation to try to work on the relationship. But sometimes you can't fix things. How can you be the best parent you can be when you are terribly unhappy? How can you teach your children what a positive marriage looks like when your spouse is completely selfish and unsupportive and unwilling to change? And even if you don't have children, don't you owe it to yourself to not settle for relationship that is unhealthy and unfulfilling?