You wonderful people on HB have been telling me I have PPD since E was a teeny, tiny newborn but I refused to accept it. I kept thinking "Its normal to feel this way" and "I will feel better soon". But I don't. I feel worse every day.

Following yesterday's running out of the mums group in tears incident, I took E to have her vaccinations today and ended up crying in the waiting room. E had screamed the place down and I was giving her a bottle to calm her down. Another patient started talking about me to the woman sitting next to her. She said "Look at that. She should be breastfeeding that baby. It is the best thing for them". She then went on to explain how her daughter had breastfed her baby until he was well past 12 months because she wanted the best for him. I looked up and said, weakly, "I wasn't able to". She tutted and said to me "Well that's a real shame because its what's best for them". You guessed it, I started to sob, clinging onto E (and whispering "Im sorry" to her over and over.

Anyway, Im tired of pretending now. I'm depressed as fck. I have made an appointment with the doctor to get help.