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So I was not really in this situation, since I was laid off while I was pregnant, and never really looked for work after LO1 was born. But, what I do wish I had thought about before becoming a SAHM was how it would affect my career in the future. I also would have probably been working just to pay for childcare, which sucks for sure for those years. But I wish I had thought of it more as an investment into my future career-after being at home for 3 years, and probably at least another 2-3 years with LO2, I think it will be really hard to get back into the working world, and I worry about that especially once all LOs are in school--I'll want to work, but I'm worried I won't be able to given my large employment gap. Not sure how long you would plan to SAH if you did end up doing it, but just something to consider. SOrry you're having a rough first week back

I got laid off while I was pregnant with my second and toyed around with SAH-OMG. What I came up with was

1) there was entirely too much stress on my husband to be the sole financial provider. I also make more than him.
2) financially we were barley making it. If I stayed home it would mean no vacations, ever.
3) SAH-ing is really freaking hard. Especially with two. My younger one is SO extremely clingy right now. After the holidays I was so ready to be back at work!!!!

I remember when I finally found a PT temp job after baby 2. It was so crazy hard getting both kids out the door. When I started my new Ft job it was even worse. We were waking the kids up early. I was up till 11pm the night before prepping the next day's dinners, cleaning up from that night's dinner, etc. and this is all with a husband that is very involved at home!!

I think ultimately for me, it was just too financially stressful for us on one income. My husband has health issues that having a high blood pressure is dangerous. When I was laid off, unemployed and pregnant, he basically had high blood pressure the entire time.

Others may disagree, but I am of the opinion no one is "cut out" to be a SAHP. It is hard work, on multiple levels. I never thought I would be a homemaker! (I prefer that term.) That being said, I do it because it is the right thing for us. DD is only small for a little while and the time is going so fast. There are a lot of things I miss about what I do, and I still try to create work (studio artist) and participate in my field as I am able. I really think me being with her is the best thing for us. That doesn't mean it is easy, but we don't do things because they are easy. The sacrifices to me are worth it.

I also planned to have family watch LO, but that person has since passed. My situation might be different if I had an amazing family member to watch LO.

I think the decision is a difficult one, I know for sure I had a hard time deciding and then when I did, I felt like I had remorse about the decision I made. I agonized about leaving work, but the decision to return was actually more difficult, truth be told. It took a lot longer for me to get into a groove when I returned than when I left work.

Bottom line, though, the hardest thing for me is to rely on one income. I can't put the entire burden on my husband's shoulders, we both want to retire at some point.

with DS1, i got my first full time job when i was 7 months pregnant, so i felt compelled to go back to work after my mat leave (i took the full year i was entitled to as well). And financially we needed it for what we wanted (to buy a house eventually). but i've absolutely hated working full time. it's been just over 2 years and sometimes i regret it as i will never get that time back with DS1. I decided a while ago that after my next mat leave, i will only go back part time. And even though i like my job (for the most part), being home more with my kids is more important to me.

I do see the benefits of daycare/preschool, but i don't think full time is necessary at such a young age and is even too much so i've felt guilty about that too. so for me, part time is the perfect compromise. If my job doesn't allow it, i am fairly confident i can find another part time job elsewhere.

I struggled a lot with this just before starting work back after LO2 (I just started back 2.5 weeks ago, but the decision was weighing heavily on my mind my whole mat leave. For me, there were pros and cons with me working. These are all totally specific to my situation.

Pro:
-My marriage is better. This is entirely dependent on my particular situation, but my husband is much more of an equal partner at home when I am working. Even on my summer breaks, I feel like he becomes a little too hands-off with kids and household chores because somewhere, subconsciously at least, I don't think he considers SAHMing to be a legitimate "job", so he expects me to take on all the house duties since I have "so much time at home". That causes strife in our relationship. And he's just naturally way better about all that stuff when I'm working.
-my health insurance is really great as a state employee, and the whole family is on my plan. A family of 4 on DHs health insurance would cost us substantially more for fewer benefits
-My own pension/retirement. In the event something happens to DH or to our relationship, I have something of my own that would hopefully be immune to divorce proceedings, etc.
-my future plans. I know for sure I don't want to be a SAHM forever, so I had to weigh the cost/benefit of leaving my job to find another one that I would potentially like less later
-tenure. It's my tenure year, and if I leave I have to start the tenure process all over again after finding a new job in the future.

cons:
-I don't get to see my babies as much. This is a BIG ONE. I really, really enjoy being home with my babies on my summer breaks and mat leaves. I'm not the type that is itching to go back to work, at all. Also, at work I work with kids all day long and my lunch break is spent pumping, so I don't have a job where I get "me time".
-My babies are cared for my someone who isn't as good as me But seriously, I feel like I do a great job with them and I'm always skeptical of how well other people are caring for them
-childcare is crazy expensive in our area, so I'm basically just working to pay childcare plus pay students loans. And that sucks.
-it's a LOT more work for me and my husband when I am working. We have to pack so many lunches and snacks and bottles and blankets and diapers and wipes and clothes and pacis...it's never ending and cleaning all the dishes and bottles every night to repack is a giant, giant chore. Just creating the foods to pack is a giant chore.
-I have to wake up at 5:45 and leave at 6:45 am when working. = less sleep for me
-more illnesses for the LOs in daycare. That = even less sleep for me.

For me, it was really very even. I could see problems and benefits in either situation...in the end, what swayed me to come back to work was my husband agreeing to pay for $$ and get a nanny for at least the first 6 months, to cut down on all the stress of packing foods and washing bottles and getting LOs out the door at 6:45 am. I'm only 3 days into this new childcare arrangement, but time will tell.

I think any woman can reasonably take a couple of years off from work and go back--I think when you get up to say, 10 years off work, it will be harder to go back with such outdated experience, but 2-3 years is very easily explainable.

Good luck with your decision! It's so hard, either way.

I struggled with this A LOT when i was pregnant with DS. Childcare in our area is affordable and my salary was greater than DH's so it was really a desire to be with my child and see and influence his growth vs further my career and miss out on some of the fun. Thankfully when I decided to resign I was offered the alternative of working from home at my desired hours and we simultaneously started a family business that has me super busy, but still present with DS at home. It's a huge change. I am very career driven and need to keep mentally stimulated. Without the work from home opportunities I think I may have lost my mind a couple times (DS is 20 months old now). I think it really depends on who you are as a person and what is most important to you/works best for your family.

I always intended to go back to work after having my LO but as the end of my maternity leave approached, I struggled a bit with the idea of leaving her. We can afford for me to stay home but it was more a question of what would be best for me and LO. DH and I agreed that I should go back to work for at least one month to see how I felt. Honestly, it only took a couple weeks for me to realize that working was right for me. I had forgotten how much I needed adult interaction. LO has also thrived in daycare, so that helps too.

I was not in a position to decide because we moved, so it was really just not looking for a new job but personally my instinct told me that I need to be home with my babies for at least the first year or two. In our circumstances it works out better for various reasons but even though I am "losing out" on many tangible benefits, I will still have a solid 30 years to work when I do go back, so those sacrifices are worth it to me to be home for the early years. You seem to be more established in your work, so depending on how hard it might be to come back you could consider taking a year off and then looking for something new (if that's a possibility).

I struggled with going back to work after baby 2, which was in stark contrast to the first time around where I was 100% ready to go back! I even took extra time off this time too.

We were just in such a good groove so much faster this time around, DS1 is at such a fun age, it felt like going back to work was going to add an unnecessary burden.

Anyway, I've been back at work for two months now and while I feel like I'm not being challenged enough in my current role. I can't give it up because of the flex schedule. I work from home aside from a few meeting days at the office a month. DS1 is in parttime preschool and my mom watches DS2 (sometimes at our house).

Right now I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not 100% dedicated to work and obviously not 100% dedicated to my babies during work hours. But, I can't give up my lucrative career at this point, so I'm sticking with it, and thankfully can be around them.

Good luck in your decision, just wanted to commiserate that it was def a different feeling this time for me too.

It sorta sounds like your problem isn't with working per se, but the terms under which you are working. Specifically it sounds like you just wanted a longer maternity leave. I don't know what the economy or your industry looks like, but could you quit your job and stay at home while looking for a new job that could provide you with more flexibility? I don't think its always an issue of SAH or working full time, but looking for a new job? That could give you some SAH experience and if its not for you, you can go back to work.

I'm currently working 3 days a week after taking a year off as an unpaid leave of absence. Looking back I was ready to go back to work at 6 months, but we decided to buy a house so I spent the 2nd half of my leave dealing with that. I'm really glad I got to experience an extended leave because it helped me experience what SAH was like and figure out what I really wanted/needed. Right now, working part-time is a great balance for my family. I don't have a 5-day a week daycare/commute grind, I have time on the weekends to clean and shop and hang out with my family, and I still get to keep my license current and stay in the workforce.

So, I hope you can find a combination of factors that work for you. If you feel like you have to stay with this job, I would give yourself some more time to get into the groove before assessing whether you should stay at home full time.

I quit because my son got kicked out of daycare for biting. I HATED being a SAHM and it really hurt my career. I am a CPA and have to take CPE to keep my license. I'm now working part time from home and enjoy that.

@NovBaby1112: yeah, nannies are super expensive where I live, too. Like...incredibly, mind blowing expensive when you have more than 1 kid (our oldest is in school 3 days a week, and home with nanny and baby twice a week). But...the nanny is temporary, right now just till end of June. Next school year, we will probably be doing something else.

I struggled with this decision twice now and both times chose to go back to work. The first time was after my mat leave which was only 12 weeks and the second a few months after going back when DS was getting massive ear infections every time he set foot in daycare. It was a really hard decision, but both times the desire for long-term financial stability won out. I also didn't want DH to feel stressed about being the sole breadwinner. Not to mention I really don't thrive being at home with a toddler at all. Every time I'm alone with my son I find myself longing for a break! The decision was a little easier for us $-wise because we would need to have 3 kids in full time daycare before I was only "breaking even" with my take home pay. So with only 1 it REALLY makes sense.
Also I know this goes against what everyone else is saying but I've always felt like it would make more sense to stay home when the kids are in public school full time. Because then you don't have to worry about paying for preschool on one salary and I feel like that is an age where kids benefit more from parents being available during the day to get more involved in school activities, extracurriculars, etc. at daycare all kids pretty much stay until 5pm but at school most kids go home at 3!

I'm struggle with it still. I stay at home (well, I work one day a week and some weekends). My work is super flexible and I work per diem. They would like me to work as many hours as I could give them. However I KNOW that no matter how much I work or don't work the entiretly of the child care and house care duties will still fall entirely on me. It's not like a scale where the more I work the more DH helps out. He still won't or can't be home for bedtime m-f. He will still have to work some weekends and honestly he didn't help much around the house pre baby without lists and major prodding. So it's like, what am I gaining other than a little away from baby time? Ugh. I will still have just as much work to do but with less time to do it. Per diem is good money but not great after I pay the sitter.

I struggled with this a ton after LO was born (3 years ago). I was in a fortunate position where I loved what I did. but still felt so, so torn. In the end, I did go back and honestly can't imagine if I hadn't. Sure, it's hard... childcare costs are exorbitant in our area so I don't get all of the upfront benefits of bringing home the income I used to, but I have been able to really establish my career in my area and spend 3 additional years contributing to my pension (I work in public higher education) and providing truly amazing health and other benefits for my family. Getting out the door in the morning is still not easy and I am exhausted by the time I get home at night. But I know that being out of the home for long days with his caregiver and now at nursery school has been really, really good for my son. Of course he would have gotten different benefits being home with me, but I think we've been better off because of my continuing to work.

Are there days when I wish that I could have seen my LO grow and discover every little thing, every day? Of course. And this has been the hardest part for me as I often felt like I was missing out many times. But like a lot of other moms out there, I feel like my time with LO is so much better because we are not together all day long.

Good luck with your decision

@Modern Daisy: I totally agree. I'm working 50% time (three 7-hour days), but once my kids are in full day school, I'm thinking of moving to working 5 days a week, but just during school hours. DH works from home a few days a week so I'm confident we could coordinate pick up and drop off and field trips and activities. We want to be involved in their school stuff for sure!

My parents both worked crazy hours when I was a kid and I think my mom made it to two awards assemblies or music performances when I was in elementary school. My brother and I were total latch-key kids, which was fine to us, but then my mom tried to spend more time with us by being home after school when we were older and it was a disaster because we'd never had our parents around before. We fought so much my mom gave up and went back to working longer hours. I'd like my kids to be used to their parents being around!

My heart is with you! I struggled so very much with this decision for months and months after my 3-month maternity leave. I cried every day at work for several months. I still cried at least weekly six months back. But for me it got better when my LO was about 9 months old. At that point I feel like I would have been ready, or almost ready, to go back. By the time LO was a year old I was actually happy at work again and was not sad all day to be away from her. So for me, I think the answer is I need a longer maternity leave (Canada would be ideal!), but I am truly glad I didn't quit my job in those dark first few months back. I love my career (though I don't always love my job) and I am getting valuable years of experience right now and also supporting my family financially (along with DH). Not having to stress out about money due to my income is wonderful, and worth a lot.

I very very nearly quit my job several times over the first few months back from maternity leave, but always gave myself a goal a few weeks away to make it and then re-evaluate. That helped a lot. I never felt truly trapped, and had given myself permission to quit - which I think helped a lot.

Good luck in whatever you decide! It is soooo hard, and such a balance of so many factors. I just wanted to add one experience to show it is possible to be miserable at work and eventually come around to a good place. I was convinced I needed to quit and SAH for many months after returning to work in order to heal the gaping wound in my heart every time I left my LO in the morning--but instead, with time, the wound closed and I found a balance that worked.

I think you know my situation but here it is. I had planned to cut back to 24 hours/week when DS was born but then was laid off while on maternity leave (grant funded job) so I SAH for 9 mos until I found something even more part time at 20hr/week. I've been doing that for the past 2.5 years and it's been a great fit, schedule-wise, for me. I don't love my job because of the on-call hours, but you can't beat only working two days/week. It has allowed me to stay in my field and still be at home most of the week. I knew after several months home with DS that being full-time SAHM wasn't for me, and that was solidified after DD was born and I really struggled to take care of both of them alone day after day. I'm a much more patient, loving mother when I have a little time away from them every week, working alongside other adults whom I greatly respect. I know your DD was in preschool during the time you were on Mat leave with DS...how was it when you had them both for a few days at a time? Did it feel manageable to you? I was torn about wanting to SAH once DD was born but that was really because I wanted to spend one-on-one time with just her, as I had with DS, and that wasn't going to be possible as we would've had to give up our childcare. It's a tough decision either way, but I think you need to go with your instincts and, like others have said, maybe give it another month or so to see if things get better. You can always quit if it doesn't feel right going forward.