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@FliegepilzHut: it's pretty normal after losses. I lost my first pregnancy at 5.5w, with the second one, I just wanted to make it past that milestone, I did felt slightly more relaxed and found out it was twins, with no heartbeats at 9w. At that point I talked to the OB that did my D&C and he put me on baby aspirin and progesterone as percautionary measures.

Cue 3rd pregancy this year, super nervous for the first 13w. Had a 6w, 8w, 9.5w and 11w ultrasounds (some just quick at the OB's to see the baby and heartbeat again others full ones at the proper clinics). The first 12 weeks crawl by. Every twinge I was nervous. I'm now 23w and only just started feeling movements in the last week. I was still nervous at my 20w ultrasound but less so. Now i'm just trying to enjoy it.

The best thing you can do it be as busy as possible and distract yourself with other things. The days i was busy flew by, the days I had time to get lost in my thoughts dragged and I really worried. I wasn't super optomistic, I found with the first two I was so excited about the future it's all I could think about. This one I pulled back until 14w at that point I really let myself dream a bit more about it.

Good luck!

@FliegepilzHut: I wish I could give you comforting words of advice, but I often feel the same way you do. With LO, it was tough going to the first ultrasound. I was a nervous wreck which couldn't have been good for him, but I had 2 losses prior to him...how could I not be?

And now that the loss count is at 4, I can never go to a scan without that worry. I'm not currently pregnant, but I have been in your shoes, and it's an awful way to feel. I often wish I could have had that carefree feeling I had with my very first pregnancy and my very first scan...but it ended in such sadness that I can't ever have that excitement again. Long story short, sending lots of love and hoping that everything works out next week.

I think it's normal to feel this way after a loss I wish I had some good advice, but I'm still struggling with the same thing. I'm 10 weeks today and it still feels like a waiting game, and I'm in this ridiculous position where I'm sporting an obvious gas baby belly most days, but still don't feel comfortable telling anyone.

Thank goodness for busy days at work - there's nothing better to take one's mind off things than crazy clients and impossible deadlines! So there's going to be more waiting for appointments and ultrasound, and lots of worrying in between, but just take it day by day and try to keep your mind on other things as much as you can!

I dealt with very similar feeling when I first got pregnant from IVF. I feel like my first trimester was just robbed of any joy and excitement after getting horrible OHSS, having my good friend loose both her twins at 18 weeks who also had IVF right after I found out I was pregnant with twins and then loosing one twin myself. The days dragged on and I wondered if I would ever get excited or optimistic or allow myself to believe I was pregnant. It is such a strange feeling to have wanted to be pregnant for so long and go through so much to finally be pregnant but not be happy. All I have to say is that it will get better, at least it did for me. Somewhere between finding out the gender, having a growing bump, feeling kicks and having a good anatomy scan I have allowed myself to believe I am actually going to be a mom at the end of this and have been really excited and less scared and now the weeks are flying by. (Thank you Holidays for helping with that one!)

Hang in there, praying your US is super reassuring but what your feeling is so normal for what you have been through.

@FliegepilzHut: hugs to you. I was definitely anxious after my loss earlier this year when I got pg again. And when I bled quite a bit right at 5w while using the bathroom, I cried & begged & pleaded that it wasn't another m/c. I freaked out & called my DH & the RE & was certain I was losing our 2nd. I got a few more betas drawn & was able to get in for both a 6 & 7 wk u/s. Each step was good news & made it easier to break the time into smaller blocks until the next milestone. I'm now 17wks & while at least once a week I still wonder "am I sure I'm still pregnant?!", I've gotten nothing but good news at each appointment & feel mostly happy & excited now. I'm hoping & praying for you that this is your take-home baby, & while each day may drag on until you get to your scan, hopefully you can focus on other things & just try to have faith that all is well until you can know for sure.

I think it just takes time. I am 12 weeks and 1 day and while I have relaxed a bit, I am still nervous about a missed miscarriage since I haven't seen the baby since 9 weeks. I just have to remember that my body was designed to do this and my previous losses have no bearing on this baby whatsoever. My MIL announced to family and friends yesterday (under the condition they keep it off Facebook) and now I feel so exposed and some pressure. Feelings are not truth and I am just worrying-- like a mother is apt to do. But, yes, I know the feeling well.
Like you, all my previous ultrasounds were heart-wrenching and so I was SO SCARED that this one would be the same. It was my only reference point, but little baby was wiggling it's arms and it was a beautiful, beautiful experience. I UGLY cried, it was so many emotions wrapped into one moment.
I can't wait to hear about your amazing ultrasound.

@FliegepilzHut: Your office sounds fabulous!!!! I hope the reassurance you get today helps carry you through for a couple more weeks. Honestly, frequent scans were the only thing that really helped me

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you don't mind me posting because although I haven't experienced it, I know my sister experienced very similar feelings after her loss. Her successful pregnancy after her first MC was much different then her successful pregnancy before MC. She has talked to me quite frequently about how much more stressful the post loss pregnancy was and she wishes she hadn't of worried as much so she could enjoy it more, but also that she doesn't know how she could have not been so worried. (She also had low betas and lots of scary spotting at the beginning of her pregnancy after her loss that obviously worried her but it all ended up being just fine.

Sending you good thoughts for a healthy, sticky baby!

I stay guarded with M up until he was breathing in my arms. I don't think it ever really goes away.

@FliegepilzHut: Crossing all the fingers and toes!

@FliegepilzHut: congrats on seeing the little flicker! Glad you got some good reassurance

@FliegepilzHut: I am so happy you had a great ultrasound!

@FliegepilzHut: Yay for a little blob and a little flicker! This has made my night, so happy for you!

@FliegepilzHut: yay for your flickering blob!! Great news & I'm so glad you got some early reassurance.

Oh boo, I noticed my post did not go through. But so glad to read your update! I would just add that I continue to have the IF anxieties but it's getting better with each passing week. Something that helped keep me sane was being able to see my acupuncturist between appts. Her treatment focused on needlepoints to hold & support the pregnancy while also helping alleviate some of my worries. Looking forward to seeing you on the pregnancy after IF thread!

@FliegepilzHut: hi! just noticed you posted this thread! i also had an US today and saw a flickering blob! i've been so nervous, but it def. feels a little better seeing that. i have moments where i feel really nervous throughout the day, but just gotta have faith that everything will continue to go well. i hope you're doing ok, i feel like we haven't "talked" in so long!