If you offer to throw a shower for someone and they tell you what theme they want, is it appropriate for them to ask to see the invites before they go out?
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I think if phrased nicely it could be OK but it has the potential to step on the toes of a host who is already doing a lot too.
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It's not honestly something I would even side eye at. I wouldn't even think to be offended or think it's rude.
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I don't know if it's rude, but it is a little controlling.
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I think it depends why they are asking. I might ask out of excitement and anticipation, not to change the invites. But if they want to see them to approve or veto them, that's weird.
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It would probably be rude if they wanted changes made to the invite or something like that but I don't think just asking to see it by itself is rude.
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I don't think it's inappropriate. It's one thing to want be in the know and another thing to want to direct. The mom to be may very well be excited and grateful that you throw her a shower yet still have solid ideas about her dream shower. Besides carrying out her wishes that may completely conflict with yours I don't see the harm in getting a little input from her.
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We're throwing a baby shower for SIL, and her FI texted DH asking to see the invite. I got the impression they wanted to "approve" it, which I found kind of rude.
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I would just assume she was excited but I guess it depends on the way it is phrased, etc.
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I think it is rude.
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@ShootingStar: I think that's fine.
But everyone takes a different approach at throwing showers.Personally, when I threw my friend her baby shower I asked her input for lots of things because I wanted to make sure it would be something that she would enjoy.
It's a big commitment to throw a party for someone and if I'm going to spend a ton of time and money on something I want to make sure it's enjoyed, and realistically the only person who cares about all the details is the person the shower is being thrown for. -
@WinterBee: this! +1000
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@sorrycharlie: Agree completely!
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think you don't get to have a "dream" party-that-someone-else-is-throwing-you. I realize that might not be a popular opinion on a site full of new moms/ new moms to be. You (general!) can have an ideal in your head but it's rude to be pushy about it IMO. But disclaimer- I am totally judgy of attention grabby pregnant ladies! So it may just be me thinking this!
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I don't think it's a bad idea she see the invitations, even just to double check them. Mine went out with a terrible mistake which if I had been shown them first could of been avoided.
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@AprilFool: I have to ask! What mistake!?
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@BabyPenguinXO: Wrong day and date! We had to ring everyone and tell them the right one.
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@2littlepumpkins: I'm with you that if someone is nice enough to throw you a party, it's not about whether it turns out to be your "dream party"...
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I think if it is asked nicely and in a way that expresses excitement, not a desire to approve, it's fine.
I'm glad my MIL offered to show me the invitations to my shower because I did have some feedback on the wording (having to do with the hostesses) and she was thankfully very open to it and gracious about it.
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It wouldn't bother me.
I had a shower thrown for me where the hostess indicated "SapphireSun has requested only cash donations". I was mortified when my co-worker showed me. If that had been run by me before they were sent out I definitely would have edited it. I think even if the guest of honour isn't throwing the shower, it still reflects on them to some extent, so I'd be ok with them wanting to review any correspondence I was sending out to their friends, family and co-workers.
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i don't know why you wouldn't show an invitation to the guest of honor?
My MIL accidentally sent out a few blank ones, one in particular to my mom.. Kind of hilarious.
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@WinterBee: Agree completely.
I can't imagine throwing a shower for someone else and NOT running the invitations by them. People will likely assume they saw and approved the invitations anyway, or at least gave you the information for the content, so if there is something on there that they wouldn't want (such as the wrong date and time or the "cash only" examples above), that reflects on them as well.
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I think it's rude. I did correspond with the hosts of my shower, but only because i wanted it to be a gender reveal (which they were excited about) and i wanted to contribute. They picked the invites, decor, favors, etc all i did was buy the cake. I saw an invite after they went out and was a little embarrased that they put the registry info on it, but i didnt say anything.
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I wouldn't find it weird. If I am throwing a party "for" someone, I'd rather have her input than try to predict what she wants.
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I really think it depends, haha! I wanted everyone to bring a book to the baby shower instead of cards, and I didn't want a shower where it looked like the Party City baby section had threw up, so even though my MIL hosted, my friends, who knew my wants, decorated. Yes, that seems a tad controlling but I know that about myself
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If they just wanna see it, then no. But if they request changes, then yes!
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I don't think it's rude at all. I've thrown a few showers now and all the details were run by the guest of honour in the planning process. For the most part it's exciting to kibbitz about this or that. The bride/mama really enjoys being a part of it in my expierence
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I don't think it's rude at all.
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@Alivoo01: agree!
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I wanted to see my shower invitations - because I wouldn't be receiving one in the mail
I just wanted to see what they looked like, not to judge or 'check' or anything. I also asked for one for the baby book.
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I don't think it is rude to ask to see it!
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It's so hard to decipher tone from text. My mom was so excited, she asked me did I want to see the invite. I wanted to see them because I was excited, but had no intentions of "approving" them!
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I found it kind of annoying because we had gone to the trouble to pick out the invite and to carefully word it. We had already consulted with her on the theme, the content of the invite, and we chose the timing based on a lot of factors. So I didn't really want to open it up for critique. I told DH to tell the FI that they'd be getting one in the mail, but DH didn't like that so he sent them the proof and told them we'd already ordered them.
I think I'm just annoyed in general with this party. We had to time it around FIL's schedule and his tendency to be late, and a church clam bake that half the family thought was more important than the shower. And SIL sent us a guest list of 75(!) people.
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@ShootingStar: that's a big shower! What did they say after seeing the invite?
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@ShootingStar: yikes, 75?! And I think the term "approving" it is definitely rude, but I can understand them wanting to see it.
My friends are throwing me a sprinkle, which is more than gracious, but I feel a little awkward after we had a shower for our first LO a few years ago. Granted, it's a different gender, but I did want to make it clear to people that this party should be more about just celebrating the baby and being together as friends than gifts. I didn't do a registry, and wanted to make sure the hosts got that. I didn't get a chance because I didn't want to step on toes, but now I am worried that I'll have this nagging guilt that everyone will think I'm gift-grabby.
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@ShootingStar: i agree that it depends, and if the guest of honor was already annoying me, yes i'd be annoyed! it sounds like they are trying to micromanage a little and for the most part do it after the fact, which is even more annoying. So i don't think it's necessarily rude generally, but i think it would annoy me if i was trying to throw someone a party and they were trying to basically throw it themselves after i'd put a lot of effort/money into it.
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I designed my invite because I'm ultra picky
My host was more than relieved. I can understand asking to see because you're excited but after reading about all of these invite mistakes, I can see why someone would want to proof? The more eyes the better IMO!
It just sounds like this shower is out of control in more ways than one.
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@blackbird: on purpose?
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@Sapphiresun: Oh my God, I would have died!
I don't think it's rude, necessarily, but the controlling nature of it would make me roll my eyes a little, and I would for sure bitch about it to my co-organizers
. Then again, I'm another one who finds the need for everything to be "Pinterest-perfect" a little tiresome.
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Both of my showers the host sent me the invite to proof/give feedback. I would not have asked.
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@BandDmommy: nah, she brain farted
I just wanted to see what they looked like, not to judge or 'check' or anything. I also asked for one for the baby book.
. Then again, I'm another one who finds the need for everything to be "Pinterest-perfect" a little tiresome.
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46 comments