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@DesertDreams88: would it be too late to have a sip and see in June when you go? While I do think it would be nice if you could go sooner, it sounds like t would be really inconvenient and stressful. I most definitely do not think you should go against doctors wishes on when to fly. I flew at 30 weeks (with midwife blessing) and it was pretty darn uncomfortable.

i think you should talk about it openly with her but just explain how you have been trying to figure out how to make it work and you just can't see a way. Maybe she will be happy to have a meet the baby party in June.

It's not about her it's about you! If you're not feeling up to it, tell your husband to attend in your place! It's his mom, so he can deal with it!

Fwiw, my mom wanted to host an out of town shower later in my pregnancy and I refused because it wasn't convenient or comfortable for me. And that was my own mom!

This is so tricky, especially as you don't sound keen on going.

I would love if my MIL suggested such a thing, but it's not really her style. She sort of hung back a bit and didn't really get involved. To be fair, she lives interstate so I wasn't expecting anything like that at all. While it didn't upset me at the time, I think it would have been lovely to have both grandmas involved in celebrating the pregnancy together/separately.

If it makes a difference, I did a bit of flying around that time, and it was no problem at all.

But you definitely shouldn't do it if it will cause you to be stressed or worried. Maybe like others say, you could try for a visit when baby is born? But I personally would prefer flying pregnant than with a teeny baby.

Good luck with what you choose!

@DesertDreams88: I visiter my family across the country the week before my mat leave was up. It was actually really nice! He was three weeks old and had shots, I felt a little competent at taking care of him by that point, and it was great to take a vacation without having to take any extra time off! That's the route I would suggest.

Alternatively, you could have your DH fly out and have a man shower.

@ladybee: I totally agree with you.

The whole situation feels like you are very much favoring your family at the expense of your DH's and I can totally see how that would be hurtful to both MIL and DH. I think you ought to fly out Friday after work and fly back on Sunday so you can do a shower with DH's family. Do it in late September if you don't want to fly twice in October.

Both sides of the family want to celebrate this new baby and to make sacrifices to celebrate with one side but not be willing to make sacrifices to celebrate with the other side really isn't fair or right, IMO.

Showers are not a big deal at all in England so I don't fully understand the fuss/obligations/culture connected to them, therefore take this with a pinch of salt. But, I think what you have said to your MIL so far is fine. You invited her to another shower, said she could host the next baby's shower and are quite reasonable in not wanting to fly out. I don't think you need to do anything else to make it work. I also don't think you have any obligation to celebrate the baby with anyone. You are pregnant, your only obligation is to do what you need to do to be happy and healthy through your pregnancy and I don't think people should be trying to guilt trip you. And to your MIL's credit, she put a brave face on it and may not realise your SIL is interfering.

@DesertDreams88: As soon as I told my mom we were pregnant she offered to throw a shower and promptly said she'd ask MIL to co-host (MIL lives 4 hours away). Was this ever considered by your mom (or suggested by you) given that both grandmas-to-be are OOT?

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree that this question should be considered(?). My sister's MIL pretty much had her shower planned and didn't feel to let us know. Not that we had to co-host but to coordinate so we don't pick the same weekend or something. Plus, my sister wasn't sure if our family was planning one. My sister was also getting uncomfortable because her MIL would ask her about our plans and my sister felt weird asking us details about her shower. (My sister wanted to stay out of the planning process for obvious reasons. It was just weird that my sister was the middle woman for a little while. I had to reach out to the MIL.) The MIL and our families live in the same area, too. Turns out the MIL had some issues with our family and she pretty much thought she was better than us. Yeah, lots of drama. I'm so glad that I asked my mother and sisters to reach out to my MIL. Made things so much easier. I'm sure it's hard for anyone to host a shower and for all hosts to all agree but in the end I had an amazing shower and I'm so happy that it was a great success.

I would either do a weekend shower or a sip and see later. Your MIL is excited - she wants to celebrate that excitement. She wants to celebrate with not just you, but her family too. I think the inconvenience isn't about hers - it's that all of the guests she wants to invite also. And I totally get that. Plus,. she probably has all of DH's family asking her when the shower is, and is probably heartbroken to have to tell them that she doesn't get to throw one.

Just a different opinion here: So I went to both my Mothers and MILs baby showers. They were both stressful and the long plane flights were REALLY uncomfortable. After MILs trip I got shingles. Shingles! Seriously...Stress induced break out of that old chicken pox virius that lives in us all...shower was NOT WORTH THE STRESS.