Hellobee Boards

My dad said something similar to me...my mom was feeling left out since she lives 6 hours away and she was convinced I was sharing more with my MIL that lives nearby. He asked me to call my mom more and let her give me advice, blah blah!

No babies yet, here, but my MIL was like that while we were planning the wedding. Once we'd bottomed out the venue, there wasn't really much going on (the wedding was a year away). FIL told us on the quiet that she was feeling excluded and was upsetting herself that we were planning it all with my mum and not involving her. I found that a weekly email or phone call - in which I'd say that we hadn't planned anything that week - was enough to keep her happy. Later, when we were planning things, I'd call to ask her opinion on things (knowing full well I wouldn't follow it). That was enough to keep her happy - it stopped her imagining all the planning we might be doing without her!

That sounds tough. Maybe you can ask her to do things that she can do on her own time to help you - like ask her for a list of her top ten newborn must haves, or ask her to compare prices for some car seats. I don't know if she'd enjoy tasks like that but it might make her feel useful even if you don't use/rely on the info you get.

That's a very difficult situation to be in. My advice would be to ask her questions about her pregnancy(ies) and raising you (and your siblings). It seems she's feeling needy, and instead of talking about yourself when there is nothing to say, play into her ego a little and let her do the talking. She'll feel like she's passing on wisdom and participating and all you have to do is listen.

@blackbird: Is it possible to bear through the discomfort? Otherwise, you may keep getting those monthly emails!

I just wanted to say when I saw the title of this thread I thought "Ooh I hope @blackbird saw this one"... derp derp.

@blackbird: I actually don't think that's that weird? But I probably wouldn't talk about that with my kids, unless they asked about it.

Sometimes with parents though, it's about picking your poison... either you are uncomfortable now, or you're uncomfortable later when they tell you they're upset.

@blackbird: I think we all want our parents to be normal! Let me know if you figure that one out, and I will be taking careful notes!

@blackbird: I think a bunch of sewing projects is a great idea! Also, maybe you could tell her you're really busy, so it would be super helpful if she'd research ____ (strollers, car seats, whatever) to make her feel like you need her.

Yes. Things got very weird between my parents and I when I got pregnant. I was not prepared for how sensitive of a subject it would be and anytime I wanted to protect the flow of information in regards to my pregnancy, I was accused of robbing them of the joy of becoming grandparents. It has been a total mess in regards to this topic. Things are better now, but we had a huge blow up and didn't talk all summer because of it.

@blackbird: Ahh! Stockpiling! That's tough. One good and easy sewing project is burp cloths. They're simple and quick to make and you know you will actually use them, so she can go crazy and make a ton. They are still my favorites, and some are soft flannel so LO uses them (clean ones!) as lovies.

A quilt or blanket is also good because LO can use it for a long time. My mom made us a quilt so now I spread it out for LO to play on and send my mom pictures. I think it makes her feel good to know she made LO something she uses every day.

Ugh I hope you guys can work it out. My mom is just being kind of weird and giving me advice like I've never heard of pregnancy before. Like "don't worry if you get a little nauseous". Um, thanks?

@JoJoGirl: Yesss this also has been happening to me. Yesterday she started talking to me about toughening up my nipples for breastfeeding and I had to be like "I'm sorry mom, they don't recommend that anymore in the slightest"

@highwire: YES! All the advice has been freaking my mom out, like no deli meat, no lying on your back during exercise after 16 weeks.. she's just lost. "Wow things have changed. Make sure you keep some crackers by your desk for if you get nauseous!" Okay I'll get right on that, mom

@highwire: LOL ok i won't hold out hope.