Hellobee Boards


Pregnancy After IF Support Group #2

  1. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @NorthStar: Squee!!!!!!

  2. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts

    @NorthStar: Congrats!! Yay!

  3. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    A friend announced her pregnancy with her second child yesterday on social media. Her first just turned one and I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously, which surprised me. I am now 22 weeks with my second and everything is going great thus far so it was a confusing feeling. I guess maybe I was reacting to the closeness in age of her kids versus the age gap that mine will have... which strikes me as silly since I'm so thankful that I'm still pregnant and that everything seems to be ok.

  4. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @Shantuck: I've still had bad reactions to pregnancy announcements. It's like I forget that I'm pregnant too.

    But there are a number of people who had babies the year we had our first loss who are on #2. I think that's made things really hard.

  5. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @MaryM: Yeah, maybe that's part of it. I am used to just having that reaction that I don't even remember to be thankful for my recent turn of luck. My mantra during TTC was "you gotta do you" so I need to keep reminding myself that life is not a race....

  6. Amorini

    persimmon / 1132 posts

    @Shantuck: I had a reaction like that recently (and I'm still sort of dealing with it) when young-ish friends who were married last summer announced they were pregnant with twins (naturally). Just like that! Easy peasy. I know that rationally my AMA pregnancy is healthier as a singleton pregnancy and all of that logical stuff and spiritual stuff about things being meant to be, but it is a sadness for me that we'll only ever have one even though I feel so lucky to be having one at all!

  7. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @Amorini: Yeah, I feel like I have every reason to be thankful rather than jealous but I guess experiencing fertility issues really messes with you even after you are pregnant.

  8. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Shantuck: I am always so thankful for the IVF baby girl I'm currently carrying. And for the most part, I forget already that she's an IVF baby. But I still feel sort of negative (thankfully silent) debbie downer reactions in response to people who get pregnant quickly. Like the one friend who decided my announcement was a great time to try for a fourth child and just like that they are expecting a fourth very quickly behind me. So excited for them, but WTF? How is that even possible?

  9. mrsjd

    clementine / 777 posts

    @agold: @MaryM: @Amorini: @Shantuck: I just had a conversation like this with a friend. I am so grateful for and happy about this pregnancy but I still struggle with the announcements. A 24 year old family friend (married to a 23 year old) just announced they're pregnant. They're really sweet people who got married about a year ago. But I was like WAH! It's just tough when it seems so easy for some.

  10. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    @agold: @Shantuck: @Amorini: @MaryM: I hear you ladies and definitely agree with everything you have said. We our putting our DD in a new daycare this fall that is in our school district (an in home daycare). I told the lady that I'm due in Feb and wondering if she had an opening for an infant for mid-Mayish. Her response was that one of her 'moms' was trying and therefore, didn't want to give away that spot. I so wanted to say something because not all of us can just start "trying" and get pregnant like that! To be determined if we have a spot or if we will be between two daycares until one opens up.

  11. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I really hoping that I'll eventually get to the point where I can just experience true joy for people who announce they are pregnant just like that. I felt like I was there for awhile and then this jealousy came out of nowhere!

  12. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @NorthStar: That's ridiculous that they'd hold a spot for a baby not even conceived yet!

  13. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    @MaryM: I agree. Our difficulty is that we live in a rural area, but have one of the best school districts around. There are very limited options for daycare and this is supposed to be one of the top few that is in our district. So, we have no choice..

  14. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @NorthStar: That is just plain ridiculous.

  15. mrsjd

    clementine / 777 posts

    @NorthStar: That makes me all sorts of ragey.

  16. Amorini

    persimmon / 1132 posts

    @NorthStar: oh my...I'm speechless. (insert ragey emoticon and lots of swearing)

    @Shantuck: I think the hardest part is that the jealousy comes out of nowhere like you say. It sucks but hopefully over time it will get better.

  17. Mrs. Pajamas

    kiwi / 702 posts

    I'm not currently pregnant but love this thread and have been following along. As we are TTC #2 through IVF (DD is 20 months; IVF baby) I almost punched someone this weekend when I heard "I bet she's pregnant already" "Oh really why?" "well they really want to have kids". Yeah. If that were the case I would probably have 3 kids right now. I wanted to say so badly "uh it's not that easy for some" but held my tongue. People are so stupid and insensitive!

  18. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Mrs. Pajamas: I'm glad you chimed in here. I'm still pregnant with IVF baby #1, but I'm already thinking about baby #2. Did you try naturally for a while after having your first baby? When did you determine you would move ahead again to IVF?

  19. Mrs. Pajamas

    kiwi / 702 posts

    @agold we only tried naturally for 3 months before starting IVF again. And when I say "tried" there was no temping/opks, etc I just had my IUD removed. I got the IUD after DD was born on the insistence of my midwife since we decided there was no way we wanted to TTC before DD was 1. We had 7 frozen embryos from the fresh cycle that produced DD so we figured, why wait we know it can work, let's just skip the bullshit and move onto IVF. We also have insurance coverage so we only pay 10% of total costs. But then I had 2 failed FETs so I'm glad we started when we did. Awaiting PGD now on the remaining 5 frozen embryos and planning for another FET in August/September. Based on my experience I highly recommend planning well ahead for #2 if that's what you want. But more importantly, enjoy every second of your pregnancy and your infant after he/she is born. It's a magical time that I can't wait for again! I'm glad we waited a full year to even think about #2.

  20. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Mrs. Pajamas: Wow, so you did an IUD even though you needed IVF for the first? I was sort of thinking that I may never get on birth control again after all it took me to get pregnant with this girl I'm carrying. I'm very much enjoying this pregnancy and want to enjoy her so much once she comes. We just know we want more kids. I still plan to try naturally - like you did, without temping or opks - for maybe a year after she is born. But then I will head back to IVF. So you are actually doing a FET with remaining embryos from your first IVF cycle? Not a full egg retrieval again? I so wish I had left over embryos, but we will have to do egg retrieval process all over again.

  21. Mrs. Pajamas

    kiwi / 702 posts

    @agold Yes my midwife insisted on me using birth control despite IVF. Her reasoning, although clearly not applicable to me and DH, is that fertility can change especially since we are MFI only. I do have a good friend who had lots of tube blockage and got pregnant with #2 naturally (after #1 was conceived through IVF) and it does happen all the time to people who have faced crazy odds and taken years of IVF to get pregnant. We also were pretty firm that we didn't want to be faced with the difficult choice of an unexpected pregnancy before we were ready despite everything we went through.

    Yes we are doing FETs using embryos from our first and only retrieval. We were super lucky to have many to freeze. Although after our failures this year I'm not so sure there are any siblings in that batch but PGD will provide a bit more info on that question. If all of our remaining embryos are abnormal we'll do another retrieval.

    DD was definitely the best thing that happened to me and DH and she was absolutely worth all the money, time and heartache so I'm so so excited for you to get to that place. Enjoy every minute for sure!

  22. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Mrs. Pajamas: That all makes sense considering you were certain you didn't want another pregnancy before a certain amount of time. I hope your remaining embryos at all perfect babies-in-waiting! And thank you, I'm trying my best to enjoy all of this!!

  23. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts

    I know this thread has sort of fallen off but I feel the need to post and I don't want to be a Debbie downer on my due date board so here I am.

    I'm feeling very nervous and anxious lately. I am 9w4d and my next apt is august 11. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not pregnant... and yes we had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and everything looked good and we saw the heartbeat but I just am freakin out that I don't feel pregnant enough. WTH is that even?? I feel like we're going to go in at 12 wks and the baby will have stopped growing or something. I really thought that after the 8 wk apt I'd be calmer but I'm not Really wanting to know when I am just going to start enjoying this pregnancy and have faith that it'll be all good.

    Guess I need to start thinking more positively!!!!

  24. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @Ajsmommy: Maybe try calling to see if you can get in earlier for just a doppler/US?

    My doctor has said to call anytime I get really anxious. They'd rather work me in for a short appointment than have me sitting at home super worried/anxious.

  25. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Ajsmommy: I felt the exact same way as you. I really had almost no symptoms except for lots of bleeding. It wasn't until my appointment around 10 weeks that I started to feel more happy than dooms day worried. At that appointment, we had an ultrasound and I saw a big baby with arms and legs that were kicking and moving. Even though I couldn't feel her, seeing her fully formed with moving arms and legs helped my mindset. So hopefully your next appointment will do the trick for you!

  26. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    @Ajsmommy: I am in the exact same boat. I am 10w4d and was (well am still) going nuts all last week. I have zero symptoms, like nada! We luckily were able to hear the heartbeat on Friday and I am supposed to go back in 2 weeks for the maternit21 test, meet with Dr and do another doppler; however, my doctor is on vacation, so now it is going to be closer to 3.5 weeks! I need to talk to a nurse to see if I can just do the appointment with her instead.

    I feel like the apprehension will never go away and I am having a really hard time even letting my guard up. I haven't purchased one thing and am already 1/4 way through the pregnancy. I guess that I am saying all of this to let you know that you are NOT alone!

    Can you voice your concerns to your nurse/doctor and see if they can see you sooner? We could hear the heartbeat via doppler, but I was lucky as it was still pretty early to do so.

  27. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    I agree with @agold: that I got more excited when I saw the baby moving around at 10 weeks. But knowing that my next follow up isn't until 3 weeks after the NT scan...I'm thinking I may need to move that one.

    I'm not sure that for those who've experienced IF or loss that the worry every goes away.

    Last pregnancy, I was finally settling in enjoying things when we lost Gigi at 20 weeks. So I know this time, I'll be a mess until well past that point.

    I don't know that I'll ever have "faith" that it'll all be good. But having an understanding doctor that will reassure me as much as I need it, I'm starting to have more "hope" that it'll all be good.

  28. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @MaryM: I agree that the worry can't really ever go away. I'm 36 weeks right now and still won't take the tags of plenty of things in the nursery just in case I need to return them.

  29. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts

    @MaryM: @agold: @NorthStar: thanks guys. I think sometimes just knowing I'm not the only one thinking this way helps! I don't think i'll call to try to get in early unless my anxiety really starts getting to me. At lunch time today I poas again and for some stupid reason it made me calm down a bit. I am also slammed at work so I think that is adding to my stress/anxiety in general.

    Thanks for listening and commenting back

  30. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @Ajsmommy: I'm 25 weeks and still struggling with the anxiety. The baby kicks generally help but there are days like yesterday that the baby is less active for whatever reason and the doubt starts to creep back into my head. I'm guessing the baby just changed position but it still causes me anxiety. I'm trying to remind myself to just put one foot in front of the other.

  31. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @NorthStar: I just purchased my first few baby items when I was 24 weeks and I couldn't help myself from checking the return policies...

  32. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    I have to tell you ladies about a book I received from a friend. She sent me a package of baby goodies (my first ones) and included a book called Wish by Matthew Cordell. I haven't become emotional at all about this baby since I found out that I was pregnant (guarding my heart), but this book made me sob. It's a children's book and so beautifully written about two parents two desperately want a child and wish for one. A story about infertility...I will most certainly treasure it forever as my friend wrote a note to the baby about how wanted she/he is.


  33. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @Ajsmommy: This is an interesting podcast to listen to... https://beatinfertility.co/pregnancy-after-infertility/

    All of the feelings I have seemed very normal after listening to this... The anxiety and the fear things aren't going to work out because they haven't for such a long time, etc. It was also interesting to hear about feelings I would likely have down the line relating to birth, etc.

  34. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    @Shantuck: there is also a private FB group for that podcast once you get pregnant. It has been another source of support in addition to Hellobee


  35. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @NorthStar: Thanks for the tip. I didn't know that existed!

  36. NorthStar

    pear / 1881 posts

    @Shantuck: You are welcome! I was part of the app for the postcast, but have now transitioned over there.

  37. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2648 posts

    @NorthStar: Thanks for pointing me to this board!

    All - I'm fairly new to HB, and new to this board as of right now. I'm 8dp5dt from a fresh cycle with 1 embie placed. Last night I had a BPT which was confirmed today with a few repeat HPTs, all BFP! I checked with my RE who says there's no way this can be the trigger still . My beta is on Wed, but I feel like if my RE says it's real, I can truly take it as real.

    A little back story on me and my DH. We were married about 2.5 years ago. At 38, I'm 9 years his senior, with unexplained infertility. We've been trying for 1.5 years - did clomid x3, femara x3, with no luck. We had our first IVF retrieval 7/13 and sent 8 into the freezer. Thankfully it seems this little embie might stick.

  38. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    Hey ladies, just popping in - and man, the worry does NOT go away! Always something, right? These are precious and high stake little ones... just hug your belly tight every day & take it a step at a time.

    I'm still sitting in here disbelief that we've gotten this far this time around!

  39. Amorini

    persimmon / 1132 posts

    @jaguar: I feel the same way. My OB said that my pregnancy is known as a "premium pregnancy" (I guess successful IVF plus my age). It's sort of strange that the medical community has a name for it.

    At 30+w, I still worry a lot. I have been so fortunate to not have scary things happen so far (no bleeding, no marginal/scary test results, lots of movement, everything measuring "perfectly") and yet I can't relax. I'm bracing myself for dissapointment because how could this all go "perfectly"?!

    DH and I finally bought our first few baby things a few weeks ago. It was really so fun to just suspend my disbelief for a few hours and we really needed that -- acting like normal first time parents and getting silly and excited. And I had my shower on Saturday. Again it was SO fun and encouraging to feel the support and excitement of friends and family, but after I felt nervous about giving them all bad news, if I had to one day. I actually didn't share our BFP news (except for close family) until 20w+ mostly to protect other people from dissapointment...

    I know these worries will just transfer to FT mommy fears when the babe comes, but I expect those might be a little more common not just for post-IF moms. I really look forward to putting the IVF anxiety behind me!

  40. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @jaguar: "Precious and high stake little ones." I feel the exact same way. And its not like I think my baby is any more precious than my friend who is pregnant with her fourth after trying just ONE day to get pregnant. But ugh... if I lost this baby I am carrying, I couldn't just easily get myself pregnant with another one. So she is my "precious and high stakes little one." I'm sure all IF/IVF mommies feel the same way.

    @Amorini: "premium pregnancy" sounds about right. I'm so glad you have had an uneventful pregnancy and that you got to enjoy what sounds like a very loving baby shower!

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