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@lovelyplum HI thanks! HCG came back at 267, and we needed 232 to double, so we're happy! Its super low of a number overall but the nurse says it can just be that its really early on. We have our first ultrasound with fertility on Jan. 27th and if everything is good, we get booted over to the OBGYN!
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@LovelyPlum: Checked back to see how the glucose test went...I'll be thinking of you and keeping my fingers cross that you pass!!! And if you need to do the diet you'll figure that out too.
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@spaniellove: I just found out, I passed
With flying colors, actually-I was so surprised and very relieved!! Thanks so much for checking in. 
@gingerbebe: great news!! Just remember-all numbers start out low at some point! I hope that yours continue to skyrocket, and that your scan goes really well. Congrats!!
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Hi everyone-checking in! How are you doing?
So I'm 32+3, and we had our birthing class today. I have to say, it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Most of the class was focused on normal, vaginal labor and delivery, though we did talk about C-sections as well. It was frustrating, though, because the nurse who ran the class kept saying, "Trust your body. Your body knows what it's doing. Labor and delivery are perfectly natural," etc, etc. On one hand, I get it: yes, labor and delivery are perfectly natural, and yes, my body will (or should) know what it's doing. But lady, do you have any idea how hard it is to tell someone who has been through IF and a fairly difficult pregnancy to just sit back and trust her body?!?! How am I supposed to do that, when I feel like my body has tried to betray me so many times already? To be fair, my body has done a pretty good job of growing this little one, but there have been so many scares that I have a hard time trusting. And even though she was giving statistics about the safety of labor and the high percentage of good outcomes, all I kept thinking was, "great, more odds that I will defy when things don't go well."
By the end, I was feeling a bit better, and by then, I had also figured out what was bugging me (this). I want to believe that things will go well, I really do. I'm just not sure how to start doing it. So I turn to you lovely ladies who have been there before me: did you have a hard time trusting your body in labor? How did you overcome it?
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@LovelyPlum: I obviously have no advice for you, but I would have gotten frustrated by that nurse's words too.
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@LovelyPlum: you have to remind yourself that this is different from what your body has been through. I had someone say something like that to me during our pregnancy. I got her to be quiet after she told me that we would not, under any circumstances want a c-section. I told her that quite honestly, I had already had a 'natural, vaginal' birth with a sucky ending so for me, c-section would be a welcomed different experience since a vaginal birth didn't hold such great memories for me.
I hope you have a great birth experience and I will say that your body has gotten you this far and I have no doubt it will not let you down during delivery!!!
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@LovelyPlum: you know before my prior losses and major surgery for a condition that apparently had been affecting my fertility, I was all about home birthing and going all natural med free all the way. I was religious about my diet and supplements and guess what? None of that prevented my miscarriages. Now that we are finally pregnant I'm just not putting rules in place like that. It's just whatever works. Doctors aren't perfect and I would love to have minimal interventions but medical science saved my life and my best friend's premie baby and if my baby or I need something to be safe, I'm gonna go for it. I'm 10 weeks now and I feel so much better about giving myself flexibility to do what I feel needs to be done. McDonalds for breakfast every day for 2 weeks? Fine. It's what I can keep down. Dying of morning sickness and can't eat or get through the day? Pass the Zofran. I'm just done beating myself and my body up things I can't control. The best thing I can do is just take each decision as it comes and be firm and tough with my medical providers about what MY personal needs and concerns are - I don't care about statistics and trends. This time around I won't be talked down to by a nurse or a doctor and I won't let others talk me down from what my DH and I decide is right for us because of their opinions. If that means an epidural or a C-section or whatever, fine. The goal is a live baby and a sane mama. As DH always tells me "we are going to do what we feel is going to get our baby the best outcome in every situation. Nothing is risk free and being a parent is balancing the risks and making the call. So make the call."
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I didn't know where else to share this...last night I saw a segment on the local news about a horse at the vet school who had gone through IVF w/ ICSI and was serving as a surrogate. They were planning to have a "foal cam" in her stall and when I saw her u/s and ICSI photos I started crying because I felt so sorry for her. Then I got really upset when the anchors said thoroughbreds could only be bred by "mating the old-fashioned way" and started joking about sex being the old-fashioned way. I don't know why this upset me so much...I just hate when they make ART and fertility treatments sound like sci-fi. And I really felt so sorry for the horse having to go through fertility treatments and constantly being monitored and then have to give birth on live video on top of it all.
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@spaniellove: I really dislike the mentality that if a baby is conceived any way except by only sex it's a "not natural"... like it's not as good. I get that they were talking about animals, not people, but I can see how saying "thoroughbreds" can only be made "the old fashioned way" rubs you the wrong way. Especially since that makes zero sense.
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@spaniellove: @singingbee: @gingerbebe: I haven't been online much in the last few days, but I wanted to say thanks. After having some time to process, I've decided to try to let those kinds of comments go. It's so hard to know how my body is going to react, and I'm still not 100% that I trust it. But I trust DH, and I trust our doctors and hospital, so I'm going to decide to trust in them
@spaniellove: I'm sorry, lady
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Hi Ladies! Its been a while since this thread has been revived and a few things have been on my mind:
1. I get really annoyed with people complaining about their kids in front of me. One person just made a comment about disagreeing with a "babies are not the enemy" statement from TV I think. Then another friend complains about her 1yo, even though she knows all I went through. I know it comes out of frustration from them, but it's hard to hear.
2. I'm having a hard time connecting with baby and being excited. I'm hoping its just a wall that I put up after all we went through, and that it will come crashing down no later than birth. But it worries me a little that I'm not as excited as I should be. Planning and getting stuff done helps, but I don't really feel like I'm about to be a parent or that there is a little person inside of me (no matter how much soccer he plays!)
How are you all doing?
How is postpartum life treating you @LovelyPlum: ?
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@Mrs.Someone: sorry u get annoyed about people complaining about kids. Pre-kids, I totally understand. After having two of my own and another way on the way, I definitely see why people complain. I mean, I wouldn't want it any other way, but it definitely takes a toll on u. Mentally and physically.
I think those who have gone thru infertility, miscarriage, all, find it hard to connect....at first. I didn't connect with the kids until months (?) after they were born? Like really connect. I still don't feel connected to this bun in the oven. :T
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@tequiero21: I'm glad this feeling is normal, thanks for that
How is your bun doing BTW?
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@Mrs.Someone: I completely understand and agree about not feeling connected to the baby yet. I think that is part of why I am struggling with his name. People keep saying "you must be so excited" and I am, but I don't feel as excited as I think I should feel. Hugs! I hope that for both of us, the connection comes as our due dates approach or our babies are born.
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@Mrs.Someone: my bun is baking pretty well. Feeling him move a lot. Just had the anatomy scan. So I'm more than halfway there! U must be getting pretty close! Even though I didn't feel connected connected right away (I think it has to do with having twins and being overwhelmed with lack of sleep and two crying babies), it was still pretty amazing seeing them in the beginning and meeting them for the first time. I hope I connect faster with this one.
@kentuckygirl: I know what u mean. Even after birth, I was like, I know I'm supposed to appreciate this....
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@Mrs.Someone: it's hard to connect to the baby when you've had trouble getting the baby. I know that I talked and was so excited about the baby so much, but until I heard her cry, I didn't really believe that it was happening. I'm so excited for you!!!!
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@tequiero21: @singingbee: Thanks ladies
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Hi! I'm joining in here... 11 weeks pregnant after doing IVF. I don't think I'm far enough along to really be connected with baby even if we'd had a normal TTC process.
It bothers me that I still feel negative or even bitter towards friends who conceived relatively easily, especially if they joke about how easy it was. Facebook announcements still irk me, too.
@pui: Even though I just used it, I hate the term "natural" too. What do you use instead? Maybe "without assistance"?
I so, so happy and thankful to be at this point in our journey. I'm just not sure excitement will ever out weigh the worry.
I can't wait to hear some great baby news from those of you who are so far along!
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I am so glad this thread opened up :)))
I am currently 6w as of yesterday!!!! :)))
We did not have any assisstance this cycle so it was a shock!
I got a positive HPT on April 7th
Beta #1 74 (4/9)
Beta #2 230 (412)
Beta #3 7,016 (4/19)
We had our first u/s yesterday, such an emotional day!
We saw a sac, and yolk, and pole, but it was hard to see baby he/she was against wall RE and tech were not concerned at all, theu said it is so common this early not to get a good look or see a heartbeat, of course I felt awful
but they assured me all the working parts for that baby are there!!!!!!
I just wish rhe worry could end..........we go back next Thursday, he said days make a huge difference! -
glad this thread is back too!
@faithfertility: CONGRATS!! I did not see your bfp, that's so great! Can't say he worrying has ended for me, but I hope hearing the heartbeat soon will ease your worry.
@thisisme: Congratulations!! Facebook announcements were always hard for me, so I actually deleted my account. I didn't even announce to ppl other than immediate family and friends until 24 weeks (via my private Instagram only).
I'm 28wk1d now and, while I can't believe Ive even gotten this far, sometimes I feel connected and other times I'm just so worried about anything and everything that I find it hard to think further than that.
Still on bed rest (been 13 weeks of this now) and sometimes I find it so hard to be positive. I'm so glad that we were able to get pregnant with our second IUI, but I can't get past the "it's not fair" feeling when I think about how long it took us to get pregnant and how I now have to go thru such a rough pregnancy.. My family is having a very small shower for me in 2 weeks and I'm so nervous that we won't make it to that point even tho all our appts have shown stability for over a month now. I pray a lot and I know that's how we've gotten this far, but as an eternal pessimist it's hard to maintain a good outlook all the time. The constant kicking def helps tho
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@FaithFertility: please don't worry! I was 6w1d at my uktrasounf and all we saw was a gestational sack and yolk sack. I went back two weeks later and saw my gummy bear!
I had no idea you could see the heartbeat AT six weeks until hellobee. I couldn't see a heartbeat on my first until 8 weeks, too. If it makes you feel better, I can wall you my early u/s pics!
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: your sooo sweet!
yes, I'd love to see!!!!! It is all going good, I just know that IF always will make me worey, but God gives us the babies and God will continue to help them grow! :)))
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@FaithFertility: 6 weeks is definitely too early to see anything. No worries! At six weeks, they weren't even sure I had twins!
@littleredhairedgrl: o no! That sux to be on bed rest! Hope it flies by! Let your family pamper u at your shower!
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@tequiero21: Thank you!
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@Mrs.Someone: I wanted to reach out to you to let you know that what you wrote really struck a chord with me. The "walls" you spoke of, I can totally relate. I feel like I'm at this point now (almost 6 months pp) where I'm realizing all of the things I didn't really immerse myself in during the journey because I was too busy continuing to protect myself (infertility habit...). Infertility made me so cautious and unable to fully enjoy pregnancy and researching everything that comes with parenthood/motherhood.
I did find that the times I really connected with the baby during my pregnancy were the morning walks I took. It was just me and my baby and would have little conversations with my belly
And now we still take walks, and I talk with him and look at his sweet little face.- - - - -
I'm at a point right now where I have to figure out how to accept the idea of daycare. I know I didn't give myself any time to think about this while I was pregnant. I just wanted my baby to arrive safely. And I naively thought I could work from home and be a mom too. I tried, but it was SO hard.
I'm not opposed to daycare. But I am battling new feelings of wanting to put my career on a shelf for a bit and just be a mom. I do think that the infertility journey plays a part in this for me. I want to be a part of every moment in my son's early years. If this is my only child, I don't want to miss a thing.
If I hadn't struggled to get here, would I feel like this? I'll never know.
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@sweetooth: Thank you
And good luck with daycare! I'm hoping to work from home too (freelance), but I'm afraid I'm being unrealistic. Only time will tell.
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@Mrs.Someone: hi there
Sorry I didn't respond earlier-I wanted to from my computer, but I've been checking HB from my phone recently.I agree with @sweetooth: connecting with the baby was one of the hardest things I dealt with the entire time. If I'm being 100% honest, I'm not sure that I started connecting with baby even at delivery. They put her on my chest, and all I remember thinking was, "who's this? what's she doing here?" I didn't really get emotional until a bit after, when my DH showed me pictures of her (they had to suck out her lungs-she had swallowed meconium). Even now, I have a hard time realizing that I was pregnant with *her*, not just that I was pregnant with some abstract baby. I need to spend time just holding her, being with her, but it's hard when I feel like a milk machine All. The. Time. I don't know...I'm working on it.
I'm also still trying to work through my delivery. It was not a bad experience overall, but it was very different than I expected it to be. There are also lots of things that I wish had gone differently, the same way that there are lots of little things that I wish had gone differently with TTC and my entire pregnancy. I'm trying not to focus on those things, but rather the end result. But...see above. Sigh.
Anyways, I hope you lovely ladies are doing well. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. I really do love her, but I'm very tired and overwhelmed. Maybe next time I'll be in a better mood
Thanks for listening, even when I'm not -
@sweetooth: I'm sorry, that sounds so hard
I have to go back to work soon, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, either. Part of me is bitter that I have to go at all, part of me wants to run there screaming. I can't imagine trying to work from home full-time and not have care. I'm going to be working from home a bit as well (I'm in school), and I can already tell I'm going to need help. Are you thinking of SAH for a while, or is that not in the cards? If you do have to go the daycare route, maybe it will make you more present when you don't have to work? Either way, hopefully it will be less stressful for you!
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@LovelyPlum: Thank you for sharing! I am feeling this a little even at only 7 weeks, I have that cloud of doom that I try daily to ignore, I am scared to even talk about it sometimes! Like I am going to jinx myself!!!! But I give it to God and know that for now, today, in this minute all is well!!!!!
I can't imagine holding this baby! I am sure it is surreal!
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@LovelyPlum: Thank you for sharing! I think too often feelings like this don't get talked about because we're expected to be all hearts and rainbows after baby is born. I prefer hearing about reality, it helps me realize that these things are totally normal
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@sweetooth: I have no advice to give you about daycare, but hope you're able to find a happy resolution to the situation. You've been through such a long journey and it is tough realizing that it all started with IF and everything has been adding up along the way. <hugs>
@LovelyPlum: Now that I'm getting close to the delivery part (heck, threatening to happen pretty often) I'm feeling pretty conflicted about things. From the time I started TTC I imagined that at least I'd have this holistic, healthy pregnancy and natural birth. The pregnancy part totally didn't happen but I thought maybe I could do a natural birth. But now I'm exhausted and so tired of everything going wrong. Being told that LO has IUGR is the last straw; I was thinking about a c-section and feel like if that's what I have to do to get him here safely then I'll just do it. I don't want to hear about how our bodies are meant to do this or how natural birth is healthier, because natural anything has not worked for me and my body was CLEARLY not meant to do this and I don't know what I'd do if something happened to my baby at this point. I am tired and bitter, can you tell?
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Hi ladies, bringing this thread back again, especially since we have had many on the if board get a bfp recently. I am just over 5 weeks and really struggling with negativity. I just feel so distant from this whole thing and the last two days I've for whatever reason been in AF/bfn type bad moods.
I don't exactly feel anxiety over what will happen ... I think I must be just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How did you deal with things in the early days?
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@bhbee: I was the same prob until last week........
.it still lingers, but I tell myself daily all is ok, pray and I talk to the baby, helps me feel more connected, with that said I still worrie daily......I don't know if it will ever go away! -
@FaithFertility: thanks friend. One day at a time! I think I'm also having a hard time with emotions about moving and it's all getting jumbled together. Wednesday is both the ultrasound and our last full day here where we will be doing final moving prep!
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I'm glad this thread started up too. Mostly bc I'm so nervous everyday and I feel like my IF friends just "get it." I'm 5w tomorrow! This coming week will be the most stressful for me; I really need to make it to next Saturday, past a previous loss date.
@bhbee: I'm completely with you. I try every day to be positive but I feel so overwhelmed. Every time I feel something or wipe, I'm so nervous. It's the hardest part for me. I'm having a lot of worrisome/negative thoughts and I hate it
I'm hoping I'll feel a lot better after the ultrasound
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@Kelli_Deluxe: I hope they move it up sooner for you! Hope this week flies for both of us
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@bhbee: I bet!!!!! That is a lot of emotions at once! I will be praying for you Wednesday!!!!
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@Kelli_Deluxe: I hope you can get past that date fast!!!! All is well!!!!!
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I have 5 days left of my crinone, I am excited to get off, but scared.....my RE said all is good, we could see a nice placenta and umbilical cord
Still like another mile stone to cross!!!!
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So happy to see the recent IF grads here! Getting past each milestone and u/s can be tough; I remember especially after a couple losses I had that awful dread at each u/s. But eventually it will get easier!
With flying colors, actually-I was so surprised and very relieved!! Thanks so much for checking in. 
but they assured me all the working parts for that baby are there!!!!!!
I have to go back to work soon, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, either. Part of me is bitter that I have to go at all, part of me wants to run there screaming. I can't imagine trying to work from home full-time and not have care. I'm going to be working from home a bit as well (I'm in school), and I can already tell I'm going to need help. Are you thinking of SAH for a while, or is that not in the cards? If you do have to go the daycare route, maybe it will make you more present when you don't have to work? Either way, hopefully it will be less stressful for you!
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