Hellobee Boards

I've had a MC and then a successful pregnancy. Part of my coping was not letting myself get too excited until after we passed our MC point. Honestly, I don't think I'd talk to/be around your dad. You really don't need that sort of negativity right now.

You cannot choose how your body reacts to a pregnancy. Nothing you did caused any of your m/c. That wasn't very cool, what your dad said. I agree with the others, limit contact.

I had no idea you were pregnant! CONGRATULATIONS! I agree with the others, I would try to limit my conversations with him currently if it's a source of anxiety for you.

Wow, lots of congrats on your pregnancy! I have not been there but I hope you can plan some fun and relaxing things for yourself... maybe a mental health day or two, with fun movies and stuff. And no answering the phone or talking to TOXIC people!!

Congrats on your BFP!!!

I too had a loss then a successful pregnancy. I had to give myself tons of lil pep talks to stay level headed for quite a few months. Especially right before doctor appointments. I'd have a mini panic attack thinking omg! what if something is wrong???? Once the 1st trimester passed, I slowly started to get excited as each week passed and everything showed up okay in the ultrasounds and doctor appts.

I'd limit pregnancy related conversations with your dad because that's just unsupportive and inconsiderate of him to make those kinds of comments to you!! No one wants to experience a loss - sheesh!

@spaniellove: Can you talk to a professional?

Also, have you heard of mindfulness for anxiety? Like, think:
1. I am feeling anxious right now.
2. On a scale of 1-10, my anxiety is at a __.
3. It's OK that I'm feeling anxious.

Then repeat and see how your number is doing.

Maybe I'm not explaining it right... you can Google it!

I knew from stalking the IF threads that you got a BFP, so happy to see you back here and congrats!!
I had so much anxiety during my pregnancy after dealing with IF that I started seeing a therapist who specifically dealt with infertility, might be worth looking into!
Also, you know that nothing you do or don't do can have any impact on the pregnancy's success so try to ignore your dad (I'm so sorry he said negative things to you tho!)
And finally, you've even through so much this past year, I have to believe that this is your sticky babe! Please keep us posted, we're all rooting for you and the little one!

That was so not fair of your father. That's unbelievably insensitive of him, and very, very not cool.

You know that I didn't do a great job of keeping un-anxious, but I did try a few things to calm me down, even just a little bit. It's kind of a long story, but I'll try to explain:

There's a story in the Bible about a mustard seed that grows into a giant tree-the idea being that even the tiniest amount of faith, hope, trust, whatever-can bloom into something enormous. Even if you're not religious, I find it a very compelling idea.

We had a carved wooden pot that my BIL brought back to us from Africa, and that became our hope jar-I took a mustard seed from my kitchen spice rack, and I put it in there. When I was in the middle of a panic about the baby, I would sit in the corner of our room and just hold the jar. I couldn't believe that something so tiny, like our baby, could possibly amount to anything, but I tried to choose to believe.

Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't, but I tried to choose to stay positive. "We have a mustard seed" became our mantra, and it still is. It's still sitting in the jar in our bedroom, and it will for the foreseeable future.

Anyways, this might just be DH and I being goofy, but I found it was helpful to have something tangible to look at when I was at my most panicked. And I won't lie, I've relied a heck of a lot on my teddy bear. I think the worst part of pregnancy after early loss is that there's nothing to see, nothing to hold on to, so you are just relying on blind trust. We have also talked about getting a stuffed animal or baby blanket for me to sleep with and eventually give to the baby. I'm a touch person-I need something I can hold.

Sending you all of my good thoughts, stickiness, and hope for your growing sweet little one!

@spaniellove: I have no advice that you haven't already gotten above, but can I just say how freaking excited I am for you, and to see your name on here again?!?! I've been stalking you/cheering on your beta #s from FF... I'm glad you're back, and congratulations!

I can't believe your dad said that!!

Positive thoughts for your BFP. So happy for you! I'm sure you must be anxious, but you probably want to stay away from stressful situations for the time being, like your dad.

OMG, you're back! So happy to see you around here again friend

But sorry to see you're dealing with this, its the last thing you need right now. I agree with the others, limit your contact with your dad if you can...

You've already gotten such great advice above but I wanted to say congrats. I'm thrilled to hear your news as I've followed along on the IF boards and am so happy for you. You'll be in my thoughts/prayers.

Congrats on your pregnancy! I'm sorry your dad has said those things to you, how hurtful! I struggle with my mother sometimes, and one thing that helps me through it is knowing that when I eventually become a mother I can learn from her mistakes and be a better parent because of it. I'm sure you'll be much more supportive because you've seen how harsh it can be to feel let down by family.

No advice b/c if I knew, I wouldn't be anxious too! :o/ Just tons of hugs and I hope we can cheer each other on for the next 8 months. here for you!!

Congrats on your BFP! No advice, but sending positive thoughts for a healthy 9 months

@LovelyPlum: how cute! And what a good reminder of faith and what is possible

@spaniellove: Congrats! I am happy to see you back here and even happier that you have your BFP. I'm sorry about the comments your dad made.... my mantra lately seems to be "people suck". I don't have any advise about coping but I agree with others that limiting contact seems like the easiest thing right now.

@spaniellove: I'm so happy for you that you got a positive :).

I think every single one of us graduates from the IF board, and those who have experienced a loss, feel that same anxiety about keeping their pregnancies. I did a lot of reading after my CP and from what I read the vast majority of miscarriages are caused by issues out of our control - genetic issues, bad quality egg, etc.

Pregnancy is tough. It's a marathon, not a sprint. I was feeling fine about the success of things after the first tri, but now like @Ash, at 34 weeks I'm getting nervous again. So anyways, I think you should do whatever you need to do to manage your anxiety and be happy in this pregnancy. Find a counselor, don't talk to your dad, whatever you need.

DH and I also celebrated each piece of good news we got - every successful beta, every good ultrasound we went out and bought something. It's pretty silly, but it was like when people have rituals they don't want to stop because their sports team keeps winning. It also helped us to be happy about each milestone we passed and concentrate on the positive.

First, congrats!

Wow i'm so sorry your dad said that! My mom made some unpleasant comments when I was first pregnant and after my first miscarriage (she told me that miscarriages don't happen unless you do something wrong). They constantly told me, "next time, don't do XYZ so you don't lose it". I fell of the radar and didn't tell them about subsequent pregnancies until i was 13 weeks along. I highly advise you do the same. It sucks because you can't share with family but if they won't be supportive, then it's really best to not have to get shitty "advice" from them. You don't need that additional stress or anxiety

Unfortunately, you can't always send them back to the basics of biology class!!