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Unplanned pregnancy.. when to tell hubby?

I just found out I'm pregnant. Dh and I weren't trying at all eactually tta. But apparently he has super sperm that lived in me for a week. I just don't know... should I tell him tonight? Or should I wait until af is late in case something happens? I'm currently 11 dpo. Please help!

  1. Emsmems

    persimmon / 1331 posts

    We're big on communication, so I'd just tell him now. Also, if you were to lose it, you would probably be at least a little bummed, and you'd want your hubby to know why (or at least I would). But my husband and I pretty much tell each other everything, so I can't imagine not telling him (I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret I guess is what I'm saying). It will be a bit scary but you may be surprised how he reacts!

  2. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    Hey there...just wanted to offer you support. It took my husband a long time and a lot of talks (and one particularly bad argument...ugh), before he was ready to TTC. So when we were very lucky and conceived on only our second cycle trying, I was very nervous to tell him. Heart-pounding, hand-shaking, the whole nine yards. If you want to wait a day or two for the news to settle in I totally don't blame you! I actually didn't tell him until about 1.5 days after I found out because 1)we had a friend staying with us and it would have been awkward and 2) I wanted to see tests get stronger and more positive first. Good luck... Here's hoping he surprises you and us super excited like my hubby was!

  3. MrsStar

    nectarine / 2994 posts

    I would tell him now. We were in the same situation and I told my hubby as soon as he got home from work. I wasn't able to keep it a secret any longer!

  4. tequiero21

    honeydew / 7968 posts

    No way I could keep a secret that big for long. Good luck! Hope he reacts with joy!

  5. Bao

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts

    I would tell him now.

  6. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    Same happened to me and I was totally scared he would be upset. I told him right away and he was amazing. Very "well obviously it was meant to be if it happened against all these odds, so it will be great." I'd tell him ASAP and hope for the best!

  7. beachbee

    kiwi / 673 posts

    We also had an unplanned pregnancy (after IF treatments to get pregnant the first time, so it was a huge surprise). I had to tell him that day after work, there is no way I could hold it in!

  8. Mrs. Polish

    blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts

    Tell him as soon as possible.

  9. LuLu Mom

    GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

    I would tell him as soon as possible! I wouldn't be able to keep somethign like that in, and I would never forgive myself if I told someone before my husband.

  10. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    I would tell him now!

  11. junebugmama

    nectarine / 2019 posts

    Hiding it, will just make it worse, if he is going to be upset. We had an unexpected pregnancy, and I was in total shock. He reacted MUCH better than expected. Even better than me. He may surprise you.

  12. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    If you've been able to keep this private this long, I say wait til you're actually late. Congrats!

  13. kiddosc

    grapefruit / 4278 posts

    My husband would be pretty upset if he found out I knew for several days and didn't tell him... I think you should tell him right away tonight.

  14. LindsayInNY

    bananas / 9229 posts

    I would tell him now. Planned or unplanned, it takes two to tango. And if you weren't doing anything to actively prevent, then pregnancy is always a possibility and he should know that. Regardless, I would tell him now. I don't do well keeping things from DH and since this will affect both of us, he deserves to know right away. I'm assuming you POAS?

  15. autumnlove

    hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts

    I would tell him right away!

  16. lovehoneybee

    GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

    I'd tell him right away.

  17. MrsMccarthy

    honeydew / 7295 posts

    Tell him. You will need his support no matter what. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months.

  18. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    When I got my first BFP DH and I also weren't trying, and I wasn't sure he'd be on board with having a child.

    I told him immediately because I was also freaking out at the idea, and I was pleasantly surprised at how excited he was!

    Anyway, I'd tell him ASAP.

  19. littlek

    GOLD / squash / 13576 posts

    @missybear: Whenever you have unprotected intercourse, pregnancy is possible. I would talk to your husband.

  20. pui

    bananas / 9899 posts

    Tell him. I agree with @LindsayInNY, he should know that having unprotected sex can lead to a pregnancy, it doesn't matter if it was 5 days from ovulation. This affects him just as much as you, so he deserves to know when you know.

  21. MarieJ

    pear / 1579 posts

    @missybear: I would tell him now. I'm not sure about your husband, but mine would be furious if I kept that big of a secret from him.

  22. LovelyPlum

    eggplant / 11408 posts

    I would tell him now. I hope that it goes well!

  23. Mamaof2

    squash / 13208 posts

    Def tell him now - like PP have mentioned even if it doesn't stick you will still need his support!

  24. lamariniere

    pineapple / 12566 posts

    Tell him now. We were NTNP with our first, so it was still a surprise. My husband, who wasn't yet my husband at the time, was thrilled.

  25. MrsH

    honeydew / 7667 posts

    I'd tell him as soon as possible.

  26. Happygal

    pomelo / 5000 posts

    Now. Even if something happens, wouldn't you want his support?

  27. Ginabean3

    pomegranate / 3401 posts

    Definitely tell him now!

  28. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    I would tell him too, I can't keep secrets from DH.

  29. missybear

    grape / 88 posts

    Thanks for the input ladies! He actually got home really late from work last night so I was already asleep. Planning on telling him tonight though! This is his last crazy week at work (he is an accountant, so he definitely has a busy season) so I don't know what nights he will be home before I go to bed, but I plan on telling him asap. After seeing my frer line get a lot darker this morning, and getting a positive digital yesterday, I just feel the need to. I'm usually no good at keeping anything secret, but I'm so worried about him being upset that I keep pushing it off. Sigh. This is not how I imagined things. I'm very excited but feel bad for him, if that makes sense.

  30. mrsjyw

    GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts

    If it were me, I'd tell him right away! Good luck!

  31. LindsayInNY

    bananas / 9229 posts

    @missybear: Why would you feel bad for him? Don't put any blame on yourself. It's HIS sperm, is it not??

    ETA: I don't mean for my comments to sound rude or anything. I just think you're being way too hard on yourself for no real reason.

  32. pui

    bananas / 9899 posts

    @missybear: He had unprotected sex with you. It's not like the pregnancy is somehow just your fault, he made it happen as much as you did.

  33. septca

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3688 posts

    @missybear: I'm totally confused, so my apologies if I am missing something... but were you TTA in advance of TTC? TTA because it's not a good time to have a baby? It seems odd that you would be TTA but have multiple HPTs around and test on 11 DPO. What made you think you might be pregnant?

  34. deactivated_account

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts

    I don't think keeping secrets in a marriage is healthy for either party so I would just tell him now. If 'something happens' before AF, wouldn't you want his support?

  35. deactivated_account

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts

    @septca: I didn't even know what a "frer" was until about my 5th month TTC.

  36. MrsTiz

    cantaloupe / 6800 posts

    @septca: @MrsMcD: great minds think alike

    Seems like someone wasn't TTA as much as the other one was haha!

    I agree with everyone OP, you've gotta tell your husband ASAP. It's not your personal thing..it's both of yours. I don't see why you've waited this long...or are sorry?

  37. missybear

    grape / 88 posts

    @mrstiz: @septca: @mrsmcd: Umm, wow how lovely of you all. I had wondfos in the house because I was charting to TTA, and they came with my OPKs. I tested at 9dpo because I slept for like 14 hours and then was an emotional wreck for no apparent reason, so figured why not test since I had them. I got a squinter, and then went to the store two days later to use a frer. I only know what a frer is because I have been online on "waiting to ttc" boards. sheesh. I would never do that to my husband. I have read TCOYF cover to cover and have charted successfully for 9 months. How was I supposed to know that DH had super sperm that would live for a WEEK, when everything written about TTA says it has a slight chance of living up to 5 days? It's kind of rude to hint at someone being dishonest. I was just asking for advice in an out of the ordinary circumstance.

    To everyone else, thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it and am telling him tonight!! Ahh how exciting/ nerve-wracking/ crazy!

  38. deactivated_account

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts

    @missybear: Gosh, so sorry to have hit a nerve. Your husband is so blessed to have super sperm. I thought, from this post, that you were having nervous or unsure feelings. But I can see from your other posts and threads started on HelloBee that you are actually quite excited and so very knowledgeable about the trying to conceive process. I think I am just overall confused about what you are asking with this particular thread given your excitement in other threads. But either way, congrats and good luck!

  39. littlek

    GOLD / squash / 13576 posts

    @missybear: My guess is you probably ovulated early. Did you test with OPKs to confirm O or temp? Regardless, it doesn't matter. My guess is your husband will be thrilled your pregnant.

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