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I have a lot of mixed emotions when I get pregnant after a loss. I've been pregnant 6 times, we have a 20 month old daughter, and I am 22 weeks pregnant with our second daughter. I try to be cautiously optimistic.

It was definitely a different feeling being pregnant after my loss. With the first positive it was undiluted excitement - something the chance that something might go wrong didn't even really occur to me. The second time I knew all too well that something could go wrong, so I was afraid to get my hopes up, especially at the beginning. At 5w5d, which was the day in my first pregnancy that I started spotting, I had a total meltdown panic attack. Every day after that things started to feel easier but the fear never totally left me.

It's hard - thinking of you

When I got pregnant again after my first loss, I did let myself be excited, but when that ended in loss too I felt really down. I'm not sure if it would have mattered what my reaction to getting pregnant was, or if it would have been equally hard regardless. I realize now just how little a positive test can mean - obviously there's more hope than if AF shows, but not necessarily a lot more. I think in the future I will just try to approach it with realistic expectations and stay as distracted as possible during first trimester. I have been working on self-care - savoring the great things I have now, exercise, mindfulness, getting outside - and am hoping the things that help me to cope with TTC will also help me to cope with a pregnancy if or when I get pregnant again.

@mrskansas: Maybe you'll still have that excitement, but this time it might come after the NT scan, or after the anatomy scan, instead of after two pink lines.

I was actually really nervous about loss with my first pregnancy and let myself feel much more excited with my second. I'm not sure I'll be able to feel excited like that by a positive test again, but I think there will be lots of other things to ultimately get excited about with a healthy pregnancy...

That about sums it up..

@mrskansas: Focusing on other things is a big thing that I'm working on now. I think my personality is such that when I decide I want something, I get really into it and want to work really hard to make it happen. But TTC doesn't work like that. Beyond DTD during the fertile window (and following whatever the protocol is if you're doing treatment), there is not much you can do to get pregnant or make it stick. Trying to savor what I do have and focus on more achievable things...I hope this will help both with TTC and ultimately making it through pregnancy...

I was ecstatic at the pregnancy test, but on pins & needles until the 8 wk visit and heard the heartbeat. Eventhough we shared the news with our moms before the ultrasound I kept saying some version "if this lasts." I was happy throughout my pregnancy, but there was a cloud during most of it that I couldn't take every extra day of being pregnant for granted.

Unfortunately, no, I just haven't been able to bring myself to be all that excited (I'm currently 16 wks). I feel like I've been stuck in time and haven't allowed myself to emotionally process this beyond 8 weeks (which is when we experienced our first loss), so I've basically been acting like I wasn't pregnant. I started seriously showing at work though and it became impossible to hide so we've only told immediate family and any friends that we've seen.
Even now I am cautiously optimistic but can't bring myself to look up names or make any kind of plans that involve this baby

It's never the same as that first bfp. For my first sticky pregnancy, I felt excited to get two super dark lines (my betas had always had trouble before on two earlier losses). Then at my 7w ultrasound they dated me way behind but somehow I was optimistic. 9w ultrasound looked on track and I think then I let myself be truly excited although you still feel anxious for the big ultrasounds. After anatomy scan I was just thrilled, I'll always remember that.
Second sticky pregnancy was after two more losses which I took hard. But it seemed a little like fate since it was the cycle we stopped trying to make a big move - I got to have a 6w ultrasound before we left and saw hb and another at 8w with new ob - so I think then I felt it was real and got more excited.
This last pregnancy (which had no hb at almost 11w) was weird though. I think I did have some intuition not to be excited. It felt really different than my other times even though I got two dark lines and saw hb at 8w. I was never excited - I always felt anxious, nervous. So I wonder now if I really did subconsciously know something was off or if I'll feel that way next time too.

I felt a mixture of emotions after both of my losses. It's so hard getting through that first trimester. Good luck.

I had a really early loss in between lo1 and lo2 and it really shook me. I felt like I was waiting for something to go wrong for my whole pregnancy.i mostly just didn't let myself think about it too much though-- I have an older lo too so I was mostly focusing on her and work-- but there were moments when I would get test results back or u/s and just start sobbing with relief when I didn't even realize/let myself feel how worried I was. Lo2 is 11 weeks old now and I still sort of can't believe she is here and healthy

I don't think I really thought it was actually happening until the anatomy scan with LO1. Maybe cautiously optimistic yet protectively detached is how I'd describe my emotional state. Right now I'm "pregnant" but it's super early on and I feel quite the same way as I did with LO1.

@winniebee: hope you're feeling well mama!

I had a 22 week loss followed by a 10 week loss before conceiving my son. I also had a MC before my DD. I found that I was always excited initially when I got my BFP. There is something exhilarating about seeing those two pink lines. When I was pregnant with DD I had only had an early MC and was able to enjoy her pregnancy. With my DS, after the BFP I was terrified for months. I hated the first few months. I had a terrible scan at 7 weeks and thought I was having another loss. I was an absolute wreck waiting for repeat blood draws and follow up scans. After the 12 week scan I felt a bit better but kept thinking something would go wrong. After the anatomy scan I relaxed a little, especially since I was starting to feel the baby move. I felt good during the second half of my pregnancy and did really try to enjoy it, but it's so hard after losses. I really was just trying to get through it.