Hellobee Boards

If by sucking you mean that basically we just survive and our house always looks like a tornado... Then never!

There is just not enough time to do it all. My kids sleep fine and are generally happy, but I have no time to take care of the house and I am tired all the time! I enjoy working though, I would be miserable as a sahm.

I went back to work at 12 weeks both times....

That being said... I still feel like there's nothing but rushing get ready, fix them breakfast, change them and get out the door, just to work all day (and get tired), go pick them up, come home fix dinner, get them fed/bath and get them to bed.

Does it suck, absolutely! **BUT** It becomes the new normal. You learn to really relish the weekends and time with them. You learn to sneak in new games or toys that you can play with them before or after school.

Does your heart hurt when they're not there? Sure! Are you more irritable when they come home with so much excitement (or tantrums) and you've been dealing with the same things from adults all day - you better believe it!

I guess what I'm saying is that there isn't a time when it doesn't suck... unless you change how you view it. You learn to appreciate all the time that you have with them in a completely different way.

ETA: I hope that makes sense... I've had a bit of wine tonight, so it makes sense in my head, but it might not completely make sense to others

The daycare adjustment for LO should be 6-8 weeks and I bet everything will feel a bit better once LO isn't a tired piece of velcro.

i went back after a year and hated it. i missed LO and our SAH life together so much. And i had a boss that made it 10x harder. I was actually secretly pleased when 2 months in, i had to have my gallbladder removed so i could stay home again for 2 weeks for my recovery. I had a friend at the time tell me that eventually you just get used to it. And I did. But i never loved it and i was always looking forward to the day i could start my next maternity leave (which i finally did 3 weeks ago!). I found things got harder when we bought a house because there was so much more upkeep and every morning was a mad rush only to come home to a mess. I was too tired to be patient and engage with DS the way i wanted during the week and there was always so many chores to do on the weekend in addition to the fun things we tried to do - i was also getting more and more pregnant since we bought a house, so i think as my pregnancy went on, i just wanted to be done work already. I am soooo much happier being home now and definitely only plan to go back to work part time after this next year long mat leave. If my job doesn't accept me back part time, then i have no problem finding another job. My quality of life and day to day living and being present with my children is more important to me.

I realize that must sound very negative, but that was my experience. I know it is different for other people and for me it was the worst towards these last few months so that is the feeling i am left with of working full time. My friend was right though, i did get "used to" being away from DS so much. But whenever i stopped to realize that this was my new normal, it just made me sad.

@Mae: my jobs did certainly contribute to my experience. My first boss was so bad i ended up quitting after 9 months (as did almost every other employee and the boss eventually got fired). the next job i went to had a crazy schedule where i had to work a lot of weekends and late evenings which made spending quality time with DS even harder. I am now back at my original job with a new boss, but then i got pregnant right away, so i've kind of been checked out the whole time and just looking forward to being home again finally! And believe it or not, i like the actual work i do and the adult interaction etc. I just think full time is too much with young toddlers. So for me, i think i will be super happy with a part time arrangement.

@avivoca: "It's hard. There isn't enough time. It's been months since my kitchen floor was more than spot mopped. We have a lot of dirty dishes in the sink and we ate out far too much in the beginning. It gets better. You learn to love the time you have. There are still days where I count down until bedtime (especially if I am solo parenting), but those days are getting fewer and fewer."

this describes perfectly the experience that i was not happy with. i refer to it as the daily grind. except we ate out far too much towards the end of my pregnancy/after we bought a house. So i feel like working full time also negatively affects my physical health.

@californiadreams: Yes, the daily grind. I hate it, but this is the season of life I am in right now. I can't go part time because there are very few jobs that pay well enough that I'm qualified for and SAH isn't an option financially.

But @Mae, it does get better. I promise.

@avivoca: you are right, it does get better.

I do apologize if i sounded really negative.

@SweetiePie: i agree with the nanny suggestion. we had one for the first 8 months and life was easier then, the dishes were done when we came home and we didn't have to deal with drop off and pick up at daycare.

And i will say regarding the job thing, there was about a month or two when i switched back to my old job with new boss where things felt nicer. I was no longer working weekends or late nights and i felt a positive difference then. I think things got hectic when we bought a house and my pregnancy made me more tired etc.

@Mae: I had a baby who started daycare at 4mo and slept like poop for months, and then he just suddenly started sleeping... So have faith! I remember when I would pick him up and read that he took two 15min naps for a 9 hour day but now at 18 months he naps 2-3 hours every day.

It took about a month after going back after maternity leave for LO 1 before it didn't suck. I was doing better at work, less obsessed with stuff at daycare (I feel like I was looking for things to get upset about!), I figuring out schedules, pumping, letting go of things around the house that had to wait until the weekend, etc.

Good luck!

I stayed home for a year and then my son had grandma care until 16 months, which was great because she kept up with little things like wiping down the kitchen and laundry during the day. Then she quit and DS started at an in-home daycare in January. I am also an attorney, but I only officially work 3 days a week to compensate for my husband who works really long hours (he essentially has 2 full time jobs and is getting his MBA). However, January - March is a busy season at work and I'm going in 5 days a week right now.

My son has been there 5 weeks now and its going a lot better than I thought. I was (am) extremely protective of my son's schedule and he's rarely ever slept outside his crib at home in his blacked out room with white noise, so I was super stressed out about his naps. While he definitely sleeps longer and better at home (2.5-3 hours), I'm shocked that he IS transitioning - in a room filled with 6 pack n' plays, other children, soft music, and sunlight. There are days he only sleeps 40 minutes, but we had a day where he slept over 2 hours. I would say on average he's sleeping like 1.5 hours at daycare and I'm hoping it gets better. He seems to be making it up for it by sleeping in a bit more on the weekends and taking longer naps.

I know you've expressed frustration about your childcare situation elsewhere, but if a nanny is out of the budget and you hate your center, I would try to find an in-home daycare. We didn't really have an option - this was the only place with a slot in our area - but I think the small number of children and the same consistent husband and wife caregiver team every day in a home setting has made the transition a lot better for my son since he was at home with us for so long.

As for the daily grind, its hard because most of the household stuff falls on me, but I just try to be as efficient as possible through a set routine every day. Every night while DH gives our son a bath, I pack the daycare bags, put them in the car, lay out clean PJs, and pick out DS' outfit for the next day. Then I run a load of laundry and throw it in the dryer before bed. My husband for his part knows not to come to bed until he's done the dishes and set up the coffee for the morning. He also folds the laundry that I dump on his side of the bed before crawling in to sleep.

For meals, I focus on cooking 3 times a week with enough leftovers for 2 more nights. The other 2 nights we play by ear. I usually cook the next day's dinner after DS goes to bed and portion them into individual containers so we can just nuke them and eat. I've even been known to go pick up a pizza to reheat and eat the next day instead of having to stop on the way home from work. Weekends are good for crockpot meals or takeout.

One thing that saves me time is giving DS food that is different from DH and I on weekdays. My biggest priority on those days is that DS has food ready to eat right when he wakes up and when he gets home from daycare because he's hungry or cranky (or both) and I don't feel like dealing with meltdowns because I'm trying to cook something. So I keep tupperwares of precooked food (steamed veggies, cut fruit, rice, mac and cheese, etc) and fast proteins like sausage, meatballs, chicken nuggets, or baked tofu in the fridge. That way I can always get him dinner in under 5 minutes. Before I go to bed at night, I set up pancakes/waffles/mini muffins and some kind of breakfast meat on a plate in the fridge. DH pops it into the microwave for 15 seconds in the morning and adds some fresh fruit and that's breakfast.

By doing all this, I can just focus on hanging out with DS after he gets home from daycare until bedtime. I have noticed my typically not cuddly toddler wants to be held more so DH and I really make a point to try and snuggle with him more and read books together. We also put grandma and grandpa on FaceTime during dinner so that DS will be in a better mood - which in turn means he eats better and I can get up for a second to heat up my own dinner.

On the weekends, we try to find time to have one-on-one time with DS and when its DH's turn, I run around vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, and mopping. When its my turn, DH takes out the garbage and gasses up the cars. Then I do the shopping when DS is napping. We are looking for a cleaning service at the moment, and I'm hoping that will make things easier soon.

Hang in there!!

As far as free time goes, it stops sucking when you re prioritize and accept that you can't do it all and lower your expectations. The housework gets pushed aside for us because time wth DD takes priority. Some day we will have a beautiful clean house always ready for company! I cook easy meals or we eat out.

As far as LO adjusting to daycare, I'd give it 12 weeks. Every kid will be different but I don't think 5 weeks to transition is a lot of time at that age. I know plenty of kids who took 2-3 months before they settled in.

I think it took a good 3 months of working before I felt like I had my shit together again and it wasn't total chaos all the time!

Hugs.

I really feel for you. I remember at 12-14 weeks, when I went back, it was a huge struggle. I can't imagine going back at 20 months.

It took several weeks, maybe even a few months, to adjust and settle into a new routine. I still never feel like I have enough time, the house is always a wreck, but I know LO loves school and is thriving.

It took us 3 daycares to find the right fit for LO. It sucked, there were some really stressful times where I was ready to quit and stay home because I was so fed up with daycare, but once we found a center we loved, things got so so so much better.

I still get the feeling that you don't like her center and if that's the case, I'd definitely keep looking. Some of it is just going to take time (the naps) and it's so different for every child. I would caution against comparing your child's experience to anyone else's.

I would also be really careful about the message you're giving LO about daycare. If you're really stressed about it and worried, she will pick up on it.

Hang in there, it gets better.

I agree with @looch you will adjust to a new normal. And it will constantly change as your LO gets older, different things will become priorities. I wouldn't chase "better" because life going forward will always be different now that you have kids. I think it's also important to figure out priorities and what you can do to make sure that you met those priorities. For example, if clean house is important, look into maid service or finding a way to divvy up housework throughout the week so it's not overwhelming at the end of the week.

I only WOH pt and it is super flexible. But Velcro baby may not just be because of work (though I have no doubt it is made worse by work). My Velcro baby just in the last month decided he could start playing by himself. So there might be hope that your kid will let up a little soon!

@Mae: It sucks. I don't think those people were/are lying, but the grass is always greener, ya know? I agree with @looch: that is doesn't get better, it gets different. You learn to adapt and you re-prioritize.

I walled you about our childcare situation and how we make it work -- I am a big believer that things don't have to be cut and dry.

I do the same as @gingerbebe: regarding meals. I've noticed that I'm less frantic if I just focus on feeding DS and deal with dinner for us after he goes to bed (7:15 for us, which I think is earlier than for your DD?). The biggest thing that made a difference in my life was doing little things and not putting them off until the weekend. For instance, I'm taking DS to the grocery store after work. This used to be something I saved until the weekend and it ate into family time. Now it's something we can do together and he helps me pick out his snacks for the week. I also try not to be a hero for his lunches / meals in general. He has yogurt every day in his lunch. I often times make healthy muffins for the week (carrot and pumpkin - they are delicious) on Sunday that he eats every day for lunch. I know variety is the spice of life, ya di ya di ya, but when it comes to making our house hum, we try to keep it very basic.

Lastly, it takes practice! There are days when I feel like I am failing at everything - it's okay to feel that way and it's normal. I just cuddle my son extra that night and start over the next day. They don't call it the grind for nothing.

Also - @BandDmommy: I'm sorry to call you out, but I find your initial comment a little off putting. Some of us don't have options and need the money from working. It's really great you don't! -- frankly, I'm sure OP is jealous you have so many options (I am). With that said, please be sensitive that not everyone has your options. It can be hard to hear, especially when posting that you feel like you are struggling to stay afloat.

Two things: when DH started his new job with longer hours last year, it took me a good three months to feel like I wasn't losing my mind. I also echo @LBee: and @gingerbebe: that life got easier once I could feed LO within 10 minutes of us walking in the door. She is happier, we are happier, everyone is happier. Then I make our food. Not perfect, but it works.

One other thought: we changed our expectations on bedtime. It was simply not possible for her to go to bed at 7 when we walked in the house at 6:30. She now goes down and is asleep between 8 and 9. On our good days, it's closer to 8, and on bad, it's closer to 9. Again, not ideal, but it made me more sane.

Of course, that's not going to help much if F is already exhausted from no naps. What's the nap situation like at daycare? Is there anything that you can try to make it more like what she's used to?

Hugs, friend.

@LovelyPlum: Full disclosure, the hours between me getting home to bedtime are sometimes the longest of my life. It makes me feel like a shit ass parent, but we are all exhausted and a little grumpy. I've found that getting out and doing stuff - like going to the grocery store - really helps. My son now runs to the door to the garage when I say "let's go on an adventure." Our quality time is spent among the produce

@BandDmommy: I get it - it's probably my own sensitivities. I love my job, but on mornings (like this morning) when my son is saying "no, mama" when I say it's time for me to go to work, it's hard to hear someone say that I should just quit. I know it's good in the long run for me to work, but dude... sometimes it's hard.

@LovelyPlum: Those are great ideas! I think finding 15 minutes where you can makes a difference. We are in the clingy-can-I-wear-your-skin phase and the learning tower really helps us too! Plus he's excellent at feeding the dogs from it - and I buy organic specifically for them....

ETA: Be present, not perfect is our motto