Hellobee Boards

@foodiebee: lurking from may . If your goal is a natural birth I would absolutely hire a doula. I believe with my first if I had a doula I would have had a better shot at natural (and I have a doula with my second). My nurse was awesome but had 3? (Maybe just 2) others mom's in labor. This translates to a nurse who isn't there all the time. She was in and out and ultimately my husband was my only support person and it was his first time in labor too. Perhaps talk to a couple other doulas if you aren't feeling this one? Sometimes the first one isn't the perfect fit

This is going to be long!!

@foodiebee: With our first, we hired a doula because we knew we were delivering at a very intervention friendly, high c-section rate hospital, although we decided to deliver
via the hospital’s “childbirth center” which is more natural friendly, offering a doula program in addition to natural-friendly education/classes. We still had to pay a fee for the doula but it was at a reduced rate, and we’re SO glad we did.

My OB was AWFUL. I arrived at the hospital after my water broke and she ordered pitocin right away, without even consulting me, just so I could deliver on her time (she actually said that to me—I was shocked!). Our doula was essential in being our voice to push back, because when you’re in that position of getting bullied by your provider, you tend to do whatever they say because you’re nervous first time parents. Even though I went into labor pretty educated on interventions etc., when the time came, I just didn’t feel as confident to voice my opinions in such unchartered territory.

Long story short, I held off on pitocin much to the disappointment and anger of my OB, walked the halls with my doula, squatted in the shower, did nipple stimulation—all the tricks in the book. I wasn’t able to progress past 5-6 cm so I got pitocin at my doula’s recommendation at the 20 hour mark of labor. She was concerned I’d be pressured into a csection if I didn’t progress soon. BTW I was able to labor that long without interventions even though my water had broken because I was getting antibiotics for GBS so possible infection wasn’t an issue. Pitocin helped me to progress but the pain was killer. I got an epidural at the 23 hour mark and the baby was finally born at the 29 hour mark after my water had broken.

I’m convinced we avoided a csection because our doula helped us to navigate through some tough decisions during a very long and difficult labor ie: when to say no/push back, when to get a little help and generally watching the clock and being our ears to any chatter on the floor among the OBs when the shifts changed and the new doctor was updated on my status. She was worth every penny and to this day, she is a family friend who I love and respect so much!

I looked into getting a doula with our second but we had moved states and I figured we could just “swing it” as we had been through labor before. Good decision because the second labor was the complete opposite and I arrived at the hospital during transition and the baby was born so fast! Doula wouldn’t have arrived on time. I’d love to get one for the third but given my fast second labor, we are leaning towards not having one. But I also hear third labors are a wild card and unpredictable so I’m still undecided!!

ETA: The OB being so awful during labor isn’t super common I don’t think, so if you have a good relationship with your OB, I wouldn’t worry. I saw my OB only a few times during prenatal checkups since they rotate through doctors at the practice for each visit, so I didn’t get to know her very well and vice versa. She ended up getting a slap on the wrist though because of her behavior during my labor, and some comments she made (which all the nurses noted too..). There was actually another doctor on call who delivered my baby, whom I had never met, but was amazing during the pushing stage. It’s funny how you plan for labors but often they don’t go as planned! But I think that’s even more incentive to have a doula so I personally recommend it. Hope this helps!

@MamaBear87: @Mrs. Toad: @SupernovaJ: Thanks for sharing your stories, ladies! I'm still feeling on the fence about it. Everyone keeps asking me, "Well what do YOU want?" and I've yet to fully figure that out. The only doula at the meet-and-greet who we felt like we'd consider lives about 1.5 hours away, so when I go into labor, it'd take her some time to get to me. Our family histories are for VERY fast labors, but I've read/heard mixed stories about whether that means the same for me. If it does, there's little chance she'll make it to me in time.

@foodiebee: my labor was nothing like my mom's so it isn't always an indication. (This lead to me being in denial for hours that I was in labor which I think kept me from making any progress during those hours)

@SupernovaJ: Interesting! My labor started with my water breaking which I think is why everything moved so quickly. I didn't labor at home at all - I immediately went to the hospital because my contractions were very painful and 2-3 mins apart from the beginning. Total labor was about 4.5 hours including 10 minutes of pushing. I'm hoping things are the same or a little slower this time around!

It'll be interesting to see what happens with your third birth - I've heard the third is usually a wildcard!

How's everyone doing? I hit 20 weeks yesterday - crazy that this pregnancy is halfway over!

Anyone started getting things ready for baby or working on the nursery? I'm a planner and it's driving me nuts that I can't start on the nursery. We're building a house and it's currently projected to be finished in early April. The original estimated finish date was February and we've had a ton of delays so I'm getting a little nervous about cutting it too close.

Hi! I've been doing alright. Just got back from a work trip and have another one next week I'm already sort of dreading. I am feeling really run down, I have rhinitis (?)--super congested all day and it's impossible to breathe at night. Just another lovely side affect of pregnancy but I'll take it over the nausea which finally subsided at 19 weeks! I'm now in week 22 and can't believe how fast all of this is going. I was on my feet for 10+ hours a day on and off during my work trip and with this being my third baby, the pressure is unbearable down there! Anyone else? I don't recall it being this bad with my former two pregnancies especially at this stage (not even third tri), but it's like your body just remembers. I'm also feeling the baby move all day, it always feels so new. Love it.

We're actually planning on moving in May/June--crazy. Right around the time the baby is due so we won't be preparing a nursery for this one until we're all settled in and the baby is already here. I'd love to have everything all ready but it just won't happen with the move but we are excited for the next chapter in a new house and will have to slowly get everything done over time, while adjusting to a new baby.

@SupernovaJ: @skinnycow: Really interesting to read about the pressure. I sometimes feel like the baby must be being carried really low, like way in my pelvis, and it's uncomfortable. Is this what you mean? I joke that my bump is just my organs because the baby feels so low!

AFM, I noticed this week that some nights I have slightly swollen ankles. I iced and elevated last night, and it did look better this morning. And my joints have been SO achy and hurt at night, especially my hips. I caved and bought one of those crazy-shaped pillows, and it helped but not significantly. This week I've seen relief since I invested in the Blanqi support tank. That thing is amazing!! Wearing it during the day and then using the pillow at night has totally cleared up my hip pain. I highly recommend it if you feel like you need more torso support.

Registry questions:
What was the MUST-HAVE item for you all as new parents? I've been stressing over this thing for weeks, and I still don't have a swing or bottle warmer. Do we REALLY need a bottle warmer? It'll be pretty important for our kid to take a bottle considering he/she'll have to go to daycare around 10 weeks, but I can't decide if that's an item that's worth the counter space or not.

@skinnycow: Yes, I totally have vaginal pressure! It's so awful on some days.

@foodiebee: We didn't have a swing but had a bouncer (the less fancy one, more manual). We just bounced the baby with our foot if we were near, or they'd just sit in it reclined. The swing seems like a good investment overall though, just takes up a little more space. We did use the bouncer quite a bit the first few months so I'd say get a swing or a bouncer.

Regarding a bottle warmer, we didn't have one but I mainly nursed. If you are concerned about counter space, also consider you may need space for a drying rack and possibly a steamer to sanitize bottles and pump parts. We ended up tossing our expensive (gifted) bottle sterilizer when it rusted and I was too lazy to upkeep/maintain it, and ended up just boiling everything in large pots whenever I pumped.

Hand pump was a necessary registry item for me, and surprisingly got a lot of use out of it for whenever I was on the road or couldn't nurse baby, needed a release, etc.

Back to warmers, we did have a wipe warmer which seemed so unnecessary but something about cold wipes on a newborn baby's bottom made me wince. But once they are out of that newborn phase, we didn't have much use for it. Also more useful in the winter time. I wouldn't say it's a must have, but was a nice to have. It also discolors the wipes close to the bottom where the heat is distributed which was a little bothersome for me.

I'm trying to think of "musts" that really come to mind looking back. Aside from those big ticket items like stroller, crib, carseats etc., babies really don't need much in those first few weeks and months, but maybe a lot of the same things? Definitely swaddles--both the muslin blanket types and the velcro/zipper swaddles (see which you prefer). Lots of soft cotton onesies, rompers and burp cloths. For mom, if you plan to nurse: nipple cream and pads, comfy robe and nursing tanks, bras, button downs.

Mittens for the baby's hands because many newborns scratch their faces right out the womb! I used one of those cloth baby carrier wraps a good bit too until they were ~4 ish months before we transitioned to a more sturdy Ergo. A good body wash and lotion set! My favorite is Mustela--that newborn smell + Mustela is so heavenly...

First baby, how exciting for you.

Hi, all, I think I need a safe space to put some emotions about a phone convo that happened recently. I was told recently that extended family had decided not to throw a shower, and I felt relieved. Our families live a minimum 7 hours drive away, there's always a lot of passive aggressiveness, and we don't know many of them well (like, don't see them at all, even for holidays).

Last night, my MIL called. The convo went like this:
MIL: Me and Aunts 1-6 are going to throw you a shower.
Me: Oh, okay, that's very nice of you.
MIL: I'm going to be a part of hosting so I can invite XYZ.
Me: Oh.
MIL: And I'm going to invite XYZ.
Me: Oh. Is it okay to invite XYZ if I don't really know them, or could that be seen as me just asking for a gift?
MIL: FOODIEBEE, this person knows me and knows DH, and he's THE BABY'S FATHER.
Me: Um...
MIL: We're going to have it at either XYZ or XYZ, and I know you said you don't want things to be fancy, but Aunt XYZ is involved and she likes things even fancier than me, so I won't promise it won't be fancy.
Me: *silence*
MIL: And we can invite your mom and sister too.
Me: Okay.
*convo pitters out.*

I woke feeling hurt about this. Every sentence began with "I." She never asked what I'd like or how I felt about any detail, didn't inquire about what kind of experience I'd like to have. Isn't that customary? I left it feeling like even DH's value as the father held more value than mine as the mother. I know I should be grateful for their generosity, and I am, but I also feel a bit like a cardboard cutout could fulfill the role they need from me. It seems to have very little to do with me at all other than the fact that they need someone to be preggo to have this event. Do I need an attitude adjustment?

@foodiebee: Your feelings are completely valid. The shower should be accommodating to your desires and needs, not the other way around. That being said, I know a few friends who have had multiple showers. The ones that relatives throw seem to be more like the one you described where the guest of honor just "shows up" even if it's more about the party planner running things and inviting the guest list. I've never been in this situation before so I can't imagine how I'd feel in this scenario but I see it somewhat frequently. I can tell it's not my friends' ideas, but they just go along with it. In addition to this type of shower, they might also have a more traditional one with friends that's definitely accommodating to what the mother desires (or doesn't).

Do you know if there will be another baby shower thrown in your honor by a different group of friends/family? How do you feel about showers in general? I know this is your first baby, and while it is not about the gifts, it does help to lessen the burden while also celebrating such a special moment in time. Either way, I think it's important to talk to DH about the convo and/or your MIL and try to find a good middle ground. That while you're very grateful for the gesture, you'd like to keep logistics in mind and perhaps have something more low key, or also invite friends you were thinking of having at your shower (or not, if you didn't think there would be a shower).

Has anyone worked out their leave yet? My employer offers the standard 12 week FMLA + an option to take 12 weeks unpaid personal leave with approval. I requested the full 24 week leave from my manager a few weeks ago and crickets... It's becoming really frustrating because I need to make childcare arrangements but I don't know if I'll be back at work in September or November.

Also, the house we're building failed an inspection last week so now we're delayed further. We should move in late April or early May - so stressful!

To answer some of the questions:

Planning for nursery: We aren't sure if we are moving this summer or not for my job. I could be moving to a different position in a different location for the same company. If not, baby will move into the crib in the room with his/her older siblings. We have a two bedroom apartment. Kids are 4 (top bunk) and 2 (bottom bunk). If we move, I have no idea where we will be, but we will probably get at minimum a three bedroom place. I'll probably leave the big kids together and put the baby in their own room in the beginning.

Registry: For my first, the only thing I really needed was a boppy. I really needed my carrier as well. We needed our stroller early as we live in a walkable area. I went straight to a convertible car seat and didn't have an infant seat. Baby was either in the carrier or the stroller, mostly the carrier during maternity leave.

Shower: I had one of those (I don't know anyone) showers for my wedding with my ILs. It was okay, but I like my MIL and she doesn't walk over boundaries. We have had to push them a little as my DH is her only son. Women seem to take the lead in how holidays are handled and she had two daughters who followed her lead. Thankfully, my baby shower was a lunch with one of my SILs, one niece, and two of the oldest friends of my MIL and somewhat of second mothers to my DH. I had known them for three years at that time. I don't know how much to push back on your MIL; it depends on your relationship with her.

Maternity Leave: If I stay in this job, I'll take the 12 weeks offered concurrently. If I end up moving, I'm going to need to talk to the incoming position's manager to determine how to handle the move and maternity leave. I may only take six weeks (maternity leave) and then later on take my second six weeks of parental leave.

Hopefully, I should know where if and where I'm moving by the end of the month.

@Mrs. Toad: Hope everything with your second anatomy scan went well.

Regarding my mat leave plans, I only get 6 weeks full pay, which is very different from the mat leave policy at my last employer where I had 12 weeks of full pay. My plans are to propose 6 weeks maternity leave followed by 6 weeks working from home, before hopefully transitioning to working from home twice a week on a regular basis. I'm having the conversation this week so wish me luck.

I had my 24 week appointment last Friday and passed my glucose test, woo hoo. But found out I am anemic so have started to take an additional iron supplement.

How is everyone else doing?

@SupernovaJ: Thanks for asking. Baby didn't want to move, but the tech started digging and forced baby to roll over. Therefore, they managed to get the pictures of the spine. Baby looks perfect.

Good luck with your question to work.

AFM: I'm just hoping for healthy children this week. It's busy at work and DS was sent home last Tuesday and Friday for high fever. I should know if I'm changing jobs sometime this week. Same company, just a different position in a different location.

I have an appointment on Friday, but I think it's just a weight and heartbeat check. I believe that the glucose test is at 28 weeks, so the end of March for me. I passed the 1 hour for my previous two.

@Mrs. Toad: Great news baby's spine looks perfect!

I have one more appointment in four weeks, and after that, it's every two weeks. Can't believe it's already that time. Pregnancy was dragging on and now it's flying by....

Does everyone have potential names picked out? We have a list for girl and boy names. I think we've narrowed it down to 2-3 boy names but we are pretty clueless on girl names at this point so need to start thinking about it some more.

@Mrs. Toad: Glad everything looked good with baby!

I have 8 weeks leave and could use my vacation time for more if I wanted, but I'd like to save that if I can. @skinnycow: 18 weeks sounds amazing!

@SupernovaJ: Glad you passed your glucose test! And I agree, it felt like things were moving slowly for a while but it's picking up. I'm okay with that though

@Mrs. Toad: My glucose test will be in March too, then apts. will begin every three weeks, then go to two after that (not sure when). Congrats on the good report from your anatomy scan!

As for names, I think we've settled on a boy and girl option. It feels good to have that settled, assuming we don't completely change our minds between now and then.

@skinnycow: I know, one of my best friends (doesn't have kids) said over the weekend "whoa you got really big". Thanks...

@SupernovaJ: @foodiebee: Yes, every time I see my mom she says "Wow, your belly is big." Thanks... You'd think after having three children she'd be a little more sympathetic.