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@catomd00: I actually agree with you - $10K is not the end of the world. I certainly wouldn't end my marriage over $10K!!! My husband and my family is worth a lot more than that.

No one is perfect. He had dental work and like @Mrs. Champage said - it sounds like it just got away from him. I would help him work on it, work on not letting the same thing happen again, and learning from the mistake.

In a marriage, you have to go through less than ideal things together and grow together from them. I think this is one of those times. You learn, you grow, you move on and are better for it.

I think a lot of differing reactions might also be coming out of how finances are handled in different households. To hide something like this from me would take a LOT of effort on my husband's part. He'd have to be getting statements mailed to a different address, hiding any payments he made through cash withdrawals and money orders, finding some way to explain the how he'd paid for purchases he'd made with the hidden card. That level of deception would be much more concerning than the unexpected debt.

Agree with others who have said this is just a hurdle to get over together. Maybe you can consider therapy together because financial issues are you just a reflection of other emotional issues. Help him work through this as his partner. Remember, for better or worse? This isn't even the worse.

@2littlepumpkins: totally agree. It's pretty crappy to say that 20k is insignificant because to some people, that amount is financially devastating.

when you consider the cost of divorce and splitting one house into two you're looking at considerable expenses. 20000 is a lot but when you're talking about splitting a house the cost is so much more both financially and emotionally. I hadn't commented but I've been very surprised at people throwing divorce out there because it's just going to increase their burdens in every way.
That being said I'd get to why he hid it from you and what he spent it on, I've seen people hide stuff out of embarrassment while it snowballs but I might have him talk to a financial planner instead of counseling if it was poor planning and embarrassment.

@Maysprout: the reason I would strongly consider divorce has nothing to do with getting away from the debt or trying to avoid the 20k burden. It's because it would be extremely difficult for me to every regain trust in someone who did something so selfish, irresponsible and deceitful when they are supposed to be putting their family first.

A lot of people are throwing out "for better or for worse" but in our marriage my husband and I take that to mean better or worse circumstances outside of our control. Not as an excuse to be disrespectful to each other and then label it "the worse" that our spouse has to stick through.

ETA: The OP has to do what works for her and will allow her to be happy and secure moving forward. But the question was "what would you do"...And I don't think it makes someone a horrible person if this isn't something they would be able to move past. It's a really big deal.

@Truth Bombs: great and. I think it is incredibly irresponsible to suggest jumping to divorce, but I wasn't singling people out and debating their reaction because I don't care what other purple would do. Get over yourself. She asked for people's reactions, I gave mine. I never said she should do x or y, I said how I would react.

And honestly, it was never specified what hiding meant. Did she ask him for an exact number of how much debt he had and he said 0? That's different then if she never asked. My husband has never asked me for an exact amount of the student loan debt I had entering my marriage. He knows ballpark and knows I take care of paying for it and knows I have a great credit score. It's all he really needs to know as far as we are concerned. Every marriage is different in how they handle finances. I think you're taking differing experiences and opinions way too personally here.