Recent events in my life just have me thinking... I would offer to be a surrogate in a heartbeat for my sister and her FI, but I don't know that I would ever be able to for someone unknown to me.
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I don't know. Definitely not for someone I don't know. And I don't have a sister. I would consider it for a very close friend but it would be a very hard decision to put myself and my family through a pregnancy and go through the risks inherent in pregnancy, and the emotional toll of having and giving up a baby. I think I'd have to consider it carefully at the time it came up.
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For my nonexistent sibling (like if i had a sister) or for my SIL, yes. I'd do it for DH. But that's it!!! Eh, maybe not even my SIL. But i'd consider it
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for family in a heartbeat. for close friends probably with a little thought. I'm not sure if I would for a stranger. I'd have to meet them first and see.
DH on the other hand, is pretty against it for anyone.
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I would for any of my 3 sisters but that's probably it.
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So funny, right now I'm watching a rerun of Friends where Phoebe agrees to be a surrogate for her brother!
I couldn't vote in the poll, I honestly don't know. I don't have a sister, but do have a sil who is actually dealing with infertility. On the one hand, I was so lucky and blessed in pregnancy, it was easy and even enjoyable for me. But the thought of carrying and birthing a baby and then parting with it...? I can't imagine it. I just don't know.
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I don't think I could. I don't have sisters so maybe I'd feel differently about it if I did. I would just be an emotional wreck and I wouldn't feel comfortable going through the risks when I have my own children to consider.
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I have thought about this long and hard and prayed about it. I was goign to offer this to my younger sister who was having a hard time carrying a child & couldn't afford the adoption process after paying for IUIs & in vetro. I was going to offer my body after I had my children and my family was complete. Pregnancy wasn't "easy" for me but do give a family member/close friend the gift of motherhood would be worth it.
I think I would be okay with "parting" with the child, although I'm sure I would have a special bond with them.
My only concern woudl eb if something were to happen and I lost the baby, how this family member/close friend would react toward me. I would be scared they would blame me even if it was beyond control.
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I don't think I would. I'm not super close to my sisters so maybe that is making me feel differently.
Also, it would be heartbreaking for me to watch my sister carry my baby... the baby I would (theoretically) but unable to carry myself. I get that it's an amazing gift, but I don't think I could emotionally handle it. I would honestly rather a complete stranger surrogate for me, but frankly I'd end up adopting if I were in that position.
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I honestly don't know if I could.... It would be hard buy I try to put myself I that persons shies who desperately wants a child and it make me want to say yes! But honestly, I would have to think about it a lot.
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I don't know. I know I wouldn't do it for someone I didn't know-- I just couldn't carry and birth the child without knowing the parents and how they would raise it, plus, I would feel like I was really taking a big part of myself away from my own baby, since even though I had a pretty easy pregnancy, it's hard, you're tired, and then away from home for a few days at the least delivering.
For my sisters, I would consider it carefully. It's very unlikely to ever come up since my older sister has a son, and by the time it would come to it with my younger sisters, I'll be a little old to be considered. But hypothetically, if my own children were a little older and more self sufficient, like in school, and my sister had good chances with a surrogate, I'd think hard about it.
That said, DH has said he really wouldn't want me to.
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Yes. I think it's such a wonderful gift to someone. I think you would really have to be emotionally prepared and ready to hand the baby over to the parents. Which, would be very difficult!
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Yes for my husband's sister or my brother's wife. Even though I really didn't enjoy pregnancy I would still do it in a heartbeat for them. No for anyone else.
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I voted yes for anyone, but obviously I'd have to talk it over with DH and assess where we are in life and how it would affect our own family.
I on the opposite end of most though in thinking that having a baby for a stranger would be easier than a sibling or close friend. While I'd obviously love to see the baby grow into a child and into adulthood, I think it would be much more difficult to fully separate myself from thinking of him or her as "my baby" instead of "their baby" if I was constantly around to see him or her. Also, it depends on if it's just a surrogacy or one that involves my eggs…giving up a truly biological child would be (theoretically) more difficult for me, due to that tie with his/her half siblings.
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No.
Before I had a baby, I would have said yes, I would do it for my sister or a *really* close friend. But then I had a baby. The tie I feel to her and the terrible postpartum recovery I had made me realize that I could not give up a baby I carried and loved for 9 months, even if it was for someone I loved dearly.
I also, unfortunately, have two close friends who recently used (paid) surrogates and it has been a heartbreaking process to watch. There is so much blame and guilt and control involved when someone else is carrying something so precious for you. In both of these situations, things have gotten very ugly - in one situation the mother wanted to micromanage everything that went into her surrogate's mouth and blamed the surrogate when she went into early labor. In the second, there were birth defects and a lot of resulting blame. So, no. I just couldn't. Even though I recognize how wonderful of a gift this would be for someone struggling to become a parent.
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@septca: that is heartbreaking to hear. ..
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Yes. I would love to be a surrogate. I don't think my SO would be on board unless it was for family though.
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I have a sister however I still couldn't do it. I just don't know if I would be able to carry a baby that I couldn't take home. Not only would it be emotionally scarring it would be rough on my husband. Major props to those who are able to though, what a wonderful gift!
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I voted yes, for anyone.
I think under certain terms (and a "track record" of having healthy babies of my own (assuming any/all future babies of mine born are healthy) so there is no micro-managing. I sometimes feel bad I can't do a lot, not a lot of time for volunteer work, not a lot of extra money for charitable donations, etc. But something like this is something I could do and see myself being okay with "giving up" the baby, I think I have the right kinda of head for that. I am by no means comparing charitable donations to being a surrogate, but I can't always *do* good things for others, but this is something I have thought about that I could do. I am pretty sure it's not legal in Canada (? not sure) so not even sure it would ever be an option.
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I chose other. I'm having a hard time getting pregnant with my first, so I doubt I would be a good candidate.
Before IF, yup, I would be a surrogate. For family, friends or a random person. Now, I've never been pregnant so I don't really know if I will enjoy being pregnant.
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Heck no. It was hard enough being pregnant with my own child, there's no way I'd carry someone else's.
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Call me selfish, but I couldn't do it. Emotionally and physically I couldn't handle any phase of it; even though it would be the most extraordinary gift I could give to a family.
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I'm not sure... maaaaybe for family, I could. Knowing how connected and bonded I felt w/my daughter while I was pregnant w/her, I don't know if I could carry a child for 9 months and then place her into someone else's arms.
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Considering just me I would probably do it. I don't reallyyyy enjoy pregnancy but (after first tri progesterone issues) both of my successful pregnancies have gone well and my labors/births have been easy with comparatively easy recoveries. I would probably have to take some time to adjust emotionally but I think I could do it.
However, now that I have children I wouldn't do it but only because of them. Being pregnant with my second was pretty difficult, especially towards the end, because of how it affected what I could/couldn't do with my toddler. It was really hard for me. I felt like it was worth it though to add to our family and give him a sibling. I wouldn't want to put my children (or myself) through that difficulty when, in the end, the new baby wouldn't be coming home with us.
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I would do it in a heartbeat! I said for friends and family though, because I wouldn't want to deal with a crazy stranger who had ridiculous expectations. I would NEED to know that the Mom trusted me. I've actually thought that I would like to be a surrogate after I'm done having babies. Also, it would have to be 0% biologically my baby. I don't even know if surrogates actually use their own eggs, but definitely wouldn't be an option.
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@Running Elley: you articulated my reasons better than I did!
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I hate being pregnant and am kind of on the fence about putting myself through this again if we decide we want a second child of our own, so I really can't picture doing it for someone else. But I don't have sisters and my BFFs already have kids/are currently pregnant, so I doubt it would ever be something I'd have to think about.
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Yes. I would do it under certain circumstances. It would have to be a family member or VERY close friend. It would have to be after Im done having my own kids, and it would have to be a strict gestational carrier situation. I couldnt give away a child genetically related to me.
That being said, I don't think DH would ever be okay with it.
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No. A surrogacy would not be beneficial for my marriage.
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@mrsjyw: I feel the same way you do!
I wouldn't-- even if it was my best friend or family (I'm an only child, so I don't have a sisterly bond with anyone).
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I have one person in my life that I would be a surrogate for no questions asked as long as DH agreed. Other than that, I'm not really sure I could emotionally handle carrying a child and then giving them up. I think it's a really incredible gift to give someone, but I'm frankly just not sure I'm tough enough, minus that one exception.
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I'd be a terrible candidate for surrogacy, anyways, since I've had a preemie and a large stillborn.
But I also don't like being pregnant. I just couldn't do it and then give up the baby to someone else.
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Nope. Just couldn't walk away from the baby.
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I would do it for anyone as a gestational carrier (different eggs). I want to do this after we are done having kids. But I want one more before then and I'm running out of time. So I'm getting really concerned I won't be able to do it.
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Unfortunately, I'm not eligible since I'm having trouble holding on to pregnancies
But I think this is a fantastic gift for those who are able to do it.
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I think I would consider it for one of my siblings or my husbands siblings but I don't think I could beyond that. Of course, I haven't been pregnant yet though so that might really change. Logistically I would want to wait until I was done having children and my youngest was in school full days.
I think it would be weird for me though telling other people that yes I was pregnant but it wasn't mine...
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I would only ever consider it for a sibling. Mentally I would be fine with it, but physically I don't make a great pregnant lady- sick for much of the pregnancy, high blood pressure, carpal tunnel, etc.
I work with a lady who recently delivered twins via surrogacy, she glows and does great (and has 5 of her own). Pregnancy just agrees with her.
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I voted yes for family only.
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So much love & respect to those who could do it ... I don't think I could. I LOVE being pregnant, and I've had a beautiful pregnancy, but it hasn't been without worry. Pregnancy is such a physical & emotional journey, and I'm not sure I could do it for someone else.
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Possibly my BFF or another couple we're very close to, but I'm not sure I could really do it.
But I think this is a fantastic gift for those who are able to do it.
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45 comments