Hellobee Boards

@shopaholic: Usually a quickie is what my husband and I settle on - mostly so we can both get some rest! The only time we have to have sex anymore is after LO goes to bed for the night or on weekends, during naps.

@Adira: There have been sometimes where I'll hover on that edge of finishing but I can't push over the edge. Then it'll have gone on so long that it's a let down, literally. I lose that happy, could happen, feeling and it's back to just being enjoyable. Then there's sometimes where it just doesn't get there at all. Like I said, though, it just started for me these past few weeks. Before, I was fine. Guess the fun will have to wait until after LO is born and I'm cleared for it!

@Smurfette: Usually, we start off with me on top - mainly because it's the one position I could consistently, until recently, find the right spot and climax. Then there's always from the side, spooning. And we still do it (for lack of a better term this late at night) doggy style, I just have to have a pillow to prop me up and he can't put his full weight on me. So I feel your pain in the limited-ness of it all.

@aprk: Kudos to your husband for not pushing it and I understand, I really do. For the most part, we're content to have sex twice a week or so, just depending on how tired we are or how much time we have. Me, I don't really miss it when I'm -not- getting any. The only time when I really want some is when I'm reading a cheesy romance novel. Sad, but true - some of the scenes are killer now-a-days.

Man I am like 3 pages behind...

@aprk: @NaturallyCathy: I think I am the only one in this position but my husband totally isn't interested. We have only has sex a few times since we found out we were expecting- he is so nervous something will happen to the baby (since it took us so long to get pregnant) And he doesn't want to Hirt me or our son. It's so sweet of him... But man, it's been awhile- and I know he feels the same way!

@aprk: so glad I am not alone!!!

@cheert16: @aprk: I think now my husband is afraid of feeling her kick during sex. Like last night we were laying in bed and she was kicking, so I knew there wasn't a chance of it happening. But I will say it was super cute, seeing him lay on my belly and talking to her, and kissing the belly. Maybe tonight she will be a little more tame

@shopaholic: OMG, how many people were invited? That is a huge shower! I can't even imagine. It is going to take forever to even open presents.

@shopaholic: 78??? I don't think I even KNOW 78 people! Your kid is going to be set for years!

@cheert16: No, you are definitely not alone. We hardly had sex in the first tri because I was so nauseous. Since then, it's been once a week or even every other week. Gosh, it's depressing. One the one hand, I feel like I'm in the mood more often than he is (which makes me feel SUPER insecure about my body/appearance, even though he's always telling me I look beautiful etc). On the other, when he gets in the mood I'm always tired, haha!

@Smurfette: That's definitely what bothers my husband! Last week, we were laying in bed and he was "talking" to the baby, kissing the bump and feeling kicks and stuff. It was really sweet, and I felt all romantic afterward and was really in the mood, and he was like "Ummm, it feels wrong now, I feel like the baby is paying extra attention." OMG! I keep thinking that things are NOT going to be the same for a good two months or more after delivery, so let's enjoy this while we can.

Glad there is no such thing as overshare on this board and that I have others to commiserate with

@keepcalmcarrie: That is what I keep saying. We need to have as much sex as we can now. Cause we can't for a minimum of 6 weeks. I think most of friends waited longer then that. I know that I am going to be so scared that first time after. I want to enjoy it now while I know nothing has really changed down there.

@shopaholic: Baby Shopaholic is going to be one blessed baby. Is the shower on Sat or Sun? Where is the shower at?

@Smurfette: Keep calm - having been through this once already, I can promise that nothing will really change down there. Yes, the first six weeks without sex are going to be interesting but that'll give you time to get used to a lot of things. At first, you're going to feel this little void: No kicking, no twisting, no turning, no hiccups inside your body. Then you'll feel like all your insides (which have been crammed up tight with that growing baby) have suddenly turned to jelly. Everything will feel soft and move too much in comparison to that 'hard shell' you've been dealing with.

So first few weeks? You'll just be getting used to this new post-baby you! No need to jump into the sex thing. And that's not to mention getting over any residual labor pains. For me, even though I didn't have need an episiotomy for my VB, my son managed to tear -inside- while coming out. I think I ended up with three external, seven internal stitches that would dissolve. That was no picnic, let me tell you, waiting for that to heal and trying not to pull at the stitches I could feel that were driving me crazy!

Then once you do finally get in the mood, your husband (who has now been through a labor experience, been helping with the new baby, been helping your through your pain) is probably just thinking about how he doesn't want to hurt you after you've done so much! And of course you haven't gone back to your doctor's appointment yet, so you haven't been 'cleared' to have sex...

Let's just say it's an adjustment but when all is said is done, the only thing that's really changed is that you've now had a baby. Everything eventually goes back to normal, including (hopefully) your sex life. No need to fear.

@NaturallyCathy: LOL! Love it!

@shopaholic: Ohhh right, you're having a co-ed shower, right? That makes sense then! That'll be so much fun to see so many of your friends and family together!

@NaturallyCathy: haha, you're such a better wife than I am! Hubs is lucky if he gets sex once a week from me! He's sweet and tries to please me during it, but I haven't been able to finish in a long time, so I really am doing it just for him. It doesn't really do much for me except frustrate me.

@naturallycathy and everyone else: My husband hasn't been eeked out at all by my pregnancy. He's been soo good at working to make me feel less like a whale and still desirable to him. Even know I look at myself and all I see a ball in front of myself, he's still groping all over me, trying to get it on as much as he can. It's really nice, cause sometimes I just feel like an over emotional whale.

@smurfette: It doesn't take long for things to get back to normal down there. The first time after giving birth is scary, but that's really all it takes to get back into it.

@Smurfette: @katiew92081: My husband takes the 'we've been together too long' approach to making me feel beautiful. He'll start off by waiting to get my attention, then say 'Hi. You're cute.' At which point I usually scoff and he walks over to molest me. Lovingly, of course.

@NaturallyCathy: No joke, I have some. I actually haven't tried using them though, but I didn't mention to Hubs that next time we have sex, maybe we should just have sex for him and then break out a toy for me and see if that works!

@Adira: We've done that! And everyone's happy in the end - your husband's happy because he got to make love to his beautifully pregnant wife, you're happy because you'll find that right spot and be able to finish, and your cervix will be happy because sex helps keep it softened for when you give birth. Less tearing, if you're doing VB.

@NaturallyCathy: I'll definitely give it a try (after my husband snowblows, haha)!

@NaturallyCathy: Yeah, I think I need to talk to my husband about that kind of stuff too. I'm worried that he thinks the baby (at least in the beginning) is going to be solely my responsibility since I plan to breastfeed. I'm going to need to figure out tasks for my husband to do so that he can help out in order to ensure that we're sharing the responsibility. We want to have a second child close in age to the first, so I definitely will need him to be helpful taking care of the first one once I'm not breastfeeding, especially if #2 comes along quickly and I need to focus more attention on that one!

@NaturallyCathy: I'm scared about how my husband is going to react when the baby is actually here! Hopefully he'll WANT to be involved, but I honestly don't know! Hopefully you can get your husband to step up a bit and help out more both with Henry and your new baby!

@NaturallyCathy: How is it possible to be on top of your husband but not crush him? We tried it (because thats the only position that works "for me")..but he said my belly was pushing him and he couldn't breathe. mood killer.

@Adira: To give him some credit, he has been making a real effort these past few months to do more with Henry. It's easier now that Henry's a little older and able to show us how he wants to play and because he isn't afraid to walk over and demand attention from his dad. DH has been quicker to offer to play and watch Henry while I eat supper first or listen for him while he's napping so I can get a shower. He realizes that as this pregnancy continues my energy and patience with our darling son sometimes reaches its limits by the time he gets home from work.

So things aren't all bleak. Just sometimes I wish he would do more, considering the gymnastics I go through - externally with Henry and internally with this new LO. He knows things will have to change, though, so that's a plus. And like I said, he is trying.