-
Wow, so many BF issues, I'm so sorry it's been rough on so many of us. I commend you guys for sticking it out so far though and trying every possible means of remedying the situation. In week 1 and 2 I was dealing with latch issues and pain and from so early on I told DH breastfeeding can be so painful, no wonder so many moms quit! Thankfully things went uphill for us and we're at a comfortable place now, but as much as I am pro-breastfeeding as many of us here are, we should also remember that formula is GOOD for babies. It's not harmful. So you know, my advice is to just do what's best for your baby and your mental and physical health.
Having a REALLY rough time with the ILs over the last week. Issues from not supplementing (FIL thinks I should, though my supply is great!), cloth diapering, visitation, you name it. They don't agree with DH and my choices. This open tension is a first for the family and nobody seems to be dealing with it the right way, myself included. This is the most stressed I've been in...forever. DH is planning on calling a family meeting tonight. Doesn't look like it's gonna be a great day.
My girlfriend came over yesterday which was fun. We put together a Father's Day gift for DH. Something I saw on pinterest and was eager to try out. I think this is what @twodoghouse: had in mind, is it? Going to the mall in a bit to get it printed and framed while DH stays home with Gio.
-
Hi ladies, I wanted to offer some support on all of the tongue tie discussions. We had M's tongue tie fixed at 1 week old and she honestly cried less than she does when I change her diaper! She seemed ever so slightly fussy when eating the rest of the day but other than that, she was fine! That said, it didn't totally solve our feeding issues but she continues to do great with the shield. Honestly, I think the shield allows us to switch between breast and pumped bottles easier so it's working okay for us at this point. Overall, though, the tongue tie experience was not nearly as awful as I had feared!
-
@Glitter: We've been having IL issues too. My in laws are great but have gotten extremely overbearing with visiting constantly. It's gotten better since my mom is back, but it's still stressful dealing with them. My MIL also has issues respecting that we are the parents and she doesn't get to call the shots in regards to their care. It's weird because I've always gotten along well with my MIL but now that my kids are involved I think I am more sensitive to her controlling behavior. Good luck with your family meeting! Your DAD pics of Gio are so cute! We just got ours done today too:
-
@twodoghouse: awww your babies (all 3 of them) look adorable!! We are having the EXACT IL issues. I just don't get it. I thought extended families grew closer with the joy of babies, but it seems our previously great relationship is really being tested now. How do you and DH handle it? It's making our relationship tense as well, because while we discuss and agree on decisions before they are made, he hates being in conflict with his parents.
-
@Beebug: why do they think it won't fix your pain issues? My LC seemed pretty confident this would fix my pain issues. But also-- WTF DH. I would've murdered him. So not cool. Does he think you're making it up? I mean wth. Really not okay
I'm sorry. @Glitter: sorry to hear about your inlaw issues, stressful! Also those pics are adorable!
@twodoghouse: omg adorable! Also sorry about your MIL. gah. I'm grateful my inlaws don't live close haha.
I'm feeling a bit better about my issues today. I feel like for right now I just need to take it a day at a time and stick with it. I don't want to make a long term decision about a short term problem. And for today at least, I can handle it. I think every day it will be that sort of decision. And hopefully it gets fixed soon.
Also I had 10 min this morning to do Fia's 1 month pics! I can't believe she's a month old today! Craziest effing month of my life haha. Hoping to get a few edited to post later today
-
@Glitter: @twodoghouse: aww i love those photos. I may have to steal your ideas! We also had IL issues after DS1 was born. I think only a minority of people don't deal with it after having a baby. I guess just communicate with DH and let him know that it's a very emotional time for you so it's more important than ever that you have his support. Sometimes men just don't get it unless you beat it into their heads. Good luck and I hope it improves.
-
@Beebug: OMG what is wrong with men sometimes?
@Mae: glad you're feeling better today and yay for 1 month!!!
-
she is still sleeping so i got a few edited! I'm using the koala for all the monthly pics to track her growth
(it was a gift from my dad and I hope it will be her lovey!)
-
@Glitter: I'm sorry you're dealing with this too. So far we've dealt with it by biting our tongues (and sometimes biting back tears!). Before my mom came back I legitimately needed the help dealing with both babies so I just put up with the criticism because I needed to. Today I'm at my 6 wk appt so my in laws came over. My MiL was weird when they arrived but then I mentioned Alice's constipation issues this week and said we switched their formula back to the regular entail for supplementing. Omg my mil totally clammed up and wouldn't speak to me. She was so rude. She thinks we should have our LOs on Elecare an expensive amino acid formula in case they have allergies. However my ped doesn't find that necessary. Ultimately my MIL doesn't understand that we are the ones to decide how, when, where our babies are fed. If she is still acting crazy when I get home I'm going to ask her what's going on and hope that helps. I feel bad for my husband because he gets stuck trying to make everyone happy and it's hard for him to be at work wanting to help while I'm at home dealing with his mom.
@Mae: she is sooo adorable! Alice has that same navy blue romper. I can't wait until she starts fitting into some of her cute outfits! She's getting there - about 8 lb now!
-
@twodoghouse: thanks ! And fia is only 9 and some change now.. So should fit alice soon!
So sorry about your mil issues. That sounds hard.
-
@caity713: good to know about the tie experience you had! C doesn't really cry much (except when strapped in car seat, lol not a happy place for him yet) an has not shown any issues on his end and is obviously getting milk and gaining. It just seems awful to impose pain on him when he's not at fault.
Great minds think alike on the DAD pics! This is the one I did with DD last year (she was just over 7m) and I have hers done for this year, DS has one D and A done, need one more D and to upload them all!
@twodoghouse: very smart with furkid in middle, I hadn't thought of that! Just going to try to find same frame that I put DDs in and update their own frame year over year, but your idea would eliminate that, hmmm.
@Mae: love the Fia pics! I wish I had half the talent you had. BIL and SIL times two both did nb pics (even tho you're on 1m pics now!) with their kids and we didn't with either and I wish we could have or I was a ether photog!
-
Annnnd pic didn't attach I guess!
-
And on MIL issues, been there, and of course we now hardly speak since what happened when she came to stay with us when we had DD. It put so much on DH it was awful.
Thankfully last weekend when they flew in, their trip was shortened and she smartened up, it was just enough time before I started getting antsy to have my house back, too. They flew here with lobster too, haha, that was a goo start
-
@Beebug: aw.. Those are adorable !!
-
@Mae: thanks!
Just got this yr's done, woo!
-
@skipra: We're having this problem, too! The choking/coughing and leaking/spraying. I wear Bamboobies around the clock but still can't feed him without getting completely drenched. DS was also having green stools (I guess a sign of too much foremilk), so pediatrician (who's also a LC) suggested I feed only from one breast per feeding, maybe even two in a row if it's not really emptied yet. It's helped a lot... the first feed on each breast is still a struggle, but the next one or two are calm (and a bit tidier).
@Beebug: Ooooh the DHs aren't always very sensitive, are they? Mine's been saying things that really set me off, too, and I've just about wanted to whack him after a few. This is really not the time for them to imply anything we might take as criticism. We are so completely doing our best. That said, you're a very kind wife to give him sweet DAD photos anyway
Guess you're not quite as mad as you were at Valentine's Day?@Glitter: @twodoghouse: Love your DAD photos, too! And totally hear the IL issues. My mom was here the first week and a half, then MIL came for a week, and it was hard. I thought I managed to be lovely and hide my freak-outs the whole time, but apparently on the drive to the airport she told DH she thinks maybe she should never come again... so I guess I showed more than I thought! It was similar things - judgey criticisms and assumptions that drove me bonkers. Ugh.
@Mae: She looks SO much like you! Do you think so?
-
@anandam: lol that's funny because no one here (including me) thinks she looks like me! I think she looks like my grandma though!
-
@anandam: if I didn't want to make this a yearly thing with the kids, he wouldn't be getting it! We are barely speaking, and big picture not doing well, I've just stopped talking about it because I'm sure it's not what y'all want to hear, but in betting we are done, just when and how.
-
@Mae: I love how your pictures are always so clean and perfect! I love Fiona's many cute expressions!!
@Beebug: I love your pics! Your babies are so cute! I'm sorry about that comment your DH made... extremely insensitive, sigh. Wasn't the counselling helping some?
-
@Glitter: it had been, but then she got me reading this book, the book is great, but all we do is like grade six book review each session now. What I read, what stuck out, I mean, it's a great book, but I don't need to pay someone $130/hour to reflect. The beginning sessions were so good and I wanted to go like twice a week, now I'm not motivated to go, not sure what to do, and bummed I'm at this current spot!
-
@Beebug: I would probably continue to go since the first sessions were so good.. never know where the book would lead. It does sound expensive, but who knows if it could help save your rship, u kno? Can't really put a price on that..
-
@Glitter: agree. But at this point, me going to counseling isn't going to save it! DH going or us going would probably be the start. I am going for me and learning to get me fixed, but still can't fix or control his behaviour no matter counseling or not.
We had a great day today though, and I'm a sucker and it gives me hope. Until the next crash (could be tomorrow, could be a week from now) and I just want to run for the hills.
-
@Beebug: well I agree, but in getting u fixed it could also help how u relate to him, or how u deal with the issues, which just might have an effect on him as well... trying to encourage you because I'm a child of divorced parents and it was so, so hard...
Happy you had a good day today though! Hope is good, keep the positive thoughts going.
-
@Beebug:
-
@Glitter: I'm a product of a single Mom and have never wanted nothing more than to be married to one man my entire life and for any kids I have to know what a "Dad" is. Today is definitely always one of the tougher days in my life as I never had anyone to call Dad or say Happy Father's Day too, trust me.....I know how hard it is.
I don't disagree fixing me could help with all of those things, and I am the first to say I don't like me any more so I don't know how DH could. But there comes a point where his actions and the hole we've dug for ourselves is so deep that I can only do so much any more, my time is precious too and if I am paying the amount I am, not looking forward to going, not seeing the benefits (however the book IS great) I need to find a new person, or take a step back I feel.
-
@Beebug: just out of curiosity, what's the title of the book if you don't mind? I love reading books on marriage when I can.
-
On a WAY happier note, C sat in his rocker/bouncy chair thing in our bathroom while I showered tonight and played, it was seriously the coolest thing I have seen him do yet.
Kicking his legs to make the chair rock, which then got the hanging toy things for him moving, then he'd "laugh" or make mouth movements that look like sound should be coming out, with the odd coo in there, soooo cute.
The last 3-4 days or so he has gotten sooo playful and interactive, so fun to see!!
Still not really napping at all through the day, so that's been tough, just got him down, ordered thank-you cards online finalllllly and going to brush my teeth and jump into bed. I just checked both kids and they look so cozy, I want to make my own cozy and see what kind of stretch DS has before he wakes to nurse!! Boobs had an okay day, I am trying to stay positive.
-
@Glitter: It's not a marriage book, I will wall you the title!
-
@Beebug: I'm sorry things are still rough but you sound like a strong woman who will make it through this, no matter the outcome. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!
-
Going to doc already today, but eeeep, look what C spit up while on change table?
I checked me and don't see any blood, but wonder if I could have a bleeding crack when he's latched? I hope it's not from him.
-
@Beebug: aw, i hope the doc puts your mind at ease! Fiona spit up blood weekend before last and I freaked out. But then I realized it was from me. Are you sure your nipples aren't blooding? Even if they aren't when you're just sitting there, are there cracks that could bleed when he is sucking on them?
-
@anandam: That's what I've been doing as well and it seems to help with the green poops. I have to pump in the morning after he's been on and off one side for a couple hours and I get at least 2 oz not even emptying it. I also take about 2oz from the other side just so he can actually latch on. Otherwise it's way too full that he can't even get a good latch. Its kind of ridiculous. I hope he is getting enough to eat and I don't have all this excess because he's just not getting enough.
@Beebug: oh no. I hope he is fine. Has he been fussier than usual? It's probably and hopefully just your nipples since they've been so painful there could definitely be cracks that bleed when he nurses. Sorry to hear about issues with your DH. I hope when all the emotions that go along with pregnancy and having a newborn mellow out you can get back on track. Also, could you tell the counselor that you don't want to discuss the book?
@Mae: Your photos are beautiful! What a gorgeous girl you have
-
@Mae: @skipra: doc said either nipples bleeding into him, but not visibly to me, or from his little cold, he throat irritated. It has stopped, I took that towel and the next very awful looking burp cloth to the docs with me.
My doc and the resident he was working with were too funny talking nipple pain with. Not actually funny at all, but I can only laugh at having two men assess the nipple cracks! My doc was very upfront about being simple and doing what's best for baby and he had no push on me to keep bf'ing if the pain was this bad, making it a month was great, but I have to take care of me, too. I learned my doc clips ties and I don't have to go to the doc the LC wanted me to go to. However! My doc said he doesn't have a tongue tie at all.
So LC says tight tie, with mild lip tie, my doc agreed there was a mild lip tie but watched me fb and said his upper lip was outward and he ha a good latch, but definitely no tongue tie. Said his tongue doesn't stick out far like some peoples, but stuck his finger in his mouth for him to latch on and say from what he could tell there wasn't anything on C's end to correct.
Got some APNO, and a plan thanks to the pharmacist (who bf'ed her 3 boys and I babysat them later on over 10 years or so!) who happened to be working at pharmacy in doc office building where I went after my appt. One day at a time, I am going to try to get this better. Oye.
-
@Beebug: glad your lo is okay! I hope the apno works for you. hasn't done anything for me but most people swear by it. So are you definitely switching to formula then?
-
@Mae: going to give it one more week and make decision between dr appts next week! He goes Tuesday, I go Thursday. Take things day at a time of course, but try the APNO combined with Lansinoh and cabbage leaves. Nurse one side each session to give other side a break and see if it helps, I hope to goodness it does! There are a few drop in breastfeeding clinics with hours tomorrow and Friday I may go to as well to ensure I'm on the right track.
C had his longest stretch last night! Nursed 9-10, then not again til 2-3! I of course did not get rest, DD was up, and I've woken up with a cold today, completely stuffed, headache and neck is swollen, argh!
My goals for today are a shower and grocery shopping.
-
@Beebug: are you grocery shopping w/ 2 kids? super impressive! I have run to target with LO by myself but that is it. We did grocery shopping this weekend but my husband was with me.
So, questions for you all in the vein of "whats normal right about now"!
How much do you guys take your LOs out on non-necessary trips? So far we have only taken her to the doctor (mine or hers) and a few errands. We've not even contemplated trying a restaurant (terrified) or any sort of leisure activity.
How much is your LO awake during the day, and how happy are they? We've ended the days of constant screaming (thank God) but Fia still isn't super happy when she is awake and not eating. She spends maybe 1/3 of her awake time just sitting there looking around/looking at us and kicking her arms/legs... but 2/3 of it is being whiny/fussy and us having to walk her/bounce her or give her a paci (which she luckily has started liking more, but we have to sit right next to her with it bc she only sucks on it 1 minute then spits it out and cries and we have to put it back in). I worry that I don't really know what to do with her to keep her happy when she is awake at this point? Other than tummy time I don't really DO much with her except set her on me and bounce her around a little and talk to her and make faces at her. Except for when she is really fussy of course then I walk her, bounce her on the yoga ball, rock her, put her in the moby, etc. I feel like they should give you an instruction when you have a kid... wtf do I know about spending time with babies? (answer: nothing... lol) Oh and to answer my own question she is awake most of the day from 630am-10pm with usually maybe 4-5ish hours (combined) of naps through the day on a good day (a bad day would be 2 hrs of napping or less).
-
@Beebug: I am so sorry to hear that things are as rough as ever for your marriage. Can't imagine how you're holding up with that along with newborn life and your DD! You're a hero. Especially with the BF issues. Hope you've at least been able to get yourself a glass of wine or something to unwind since C's birth. Maybe other mom friends around to whine to? I think you mentioned some women from your leave after DD will be on leave again with you this time?
@Mae: All that sounds normal if you're compared to us! I just re-watched this Oprah segment I remember from ages ago (I think I was in middles school) about the Dunstan Baby Language... basically pre-cry noises that babies make that can tell us what they need. I've been trying some on DS today and I think he's settling more quickly and definitely napping more! If you Google it lots of videos/etc will come up. And we had our first restaurant dinner last night, I even managed to BF at the table and DS cooperated! There was another family with a 6wk old at the next table and they said we looked like old pros, haha! It was luck more than skill I think. We waited until the dude was totally knocked out asleep and just took him in the carrier. I haven't been out anywhere without DH, though! Even a run to Target sounds terrifying. You're brave!
-
@Mae: oh heck no on grocery shopping with two! DD is in daycare until end of next week! DH is done for summer as of Wednesday next week and we will divide and conquer! The only place I have gone with both alone is for walks, which....with my knee I don't go too far! And daycare drop off for DD each morning! I would/could do more with both if needed, but just haven't had to yet!
@anandam: I hesitate to say bf'ing is better! I'm SO excited about it, desperately need the positive, but don't want to jinx it! DH and I spoke this morning after last night, probably our worst parenting night ever and agreed to try to hate each other 1% less tonight. DH said 10, I said let's not get carried away! Kills me, we either need to split or get our shit together ASAP, kids aren't going to be oblivious to our insanity much longer, nevermind Im about ready to go crazy.
@Mae: re: "normal"
I take him out quite a bit. I do make sure I stay home two days a week, no car trips except taking DD in the am. We always go on two walks a day, either stroller or carrier, depends on him, weather, etc.
Other trips out have been groceries, Carter's, random errands, visiting family.
He is currently on me having second nap of day. He wasn't napping at all daytime, got him taking one monster nap (3 hours) but then not again until bedtime aside from catnaps in falling asleep nursing, then putting him in bassinet, or swing and he'd wake soon after (argh!) night time sleep still good, so I try not to complain, but just worry about such long awake stretches! When awake he is pretty needy! Wants to be over shoulder or held facing out, doesn't like chair, swing, down on rug, or even being cradled! So that gets tough, my back and shoulder blade area on one side are so sore, I don't know why but holding him on the other side feels so awkward! We don't do tummy time yet, I didn't til later with DD and won't with him, I just can't get over how awkward it looks with them this little!
He won't take a paci at all, unless we hold it for him, which we do in evenings sometime as we try to make it through those fussy hours! Going for a walk during this time, and having a bath in this time (though barely every other day) had helped pass time! I can't find the playmat I had with DD, need to dig it out!
I don't want to wish time away, but do look forward to days where we have more options for putting him down (jolly jumper, jumperoo, exersaucer, etc. Then I will miss the snuggle days of right now, ha!
I do love how he is seeing us now, smiling ad "talking" back at us now, a nice change and those smiles make tough moments very worth the tough moments!
He hates his car seat though, scream fest, ugh!
-
@Mae: we haven't been anywhere really public with LO because we're waiting til he gets his shots at 8 weeks. So we have.. walked around our gated community, gone for lots of drives, to the grandparents and a few pretty isolated spots. Tomorrow we're doing a picnic in a massive park thats usually pretty empty. I CANNOT WAIT til he gets his shots! Major cabin fever here.
DS naps A LOT during the day. I think he finally has somewhat of a pattern.
7:00 am - 9:00 am wake, feed, chill
9:00 am - 12:00 pm sleep
12:00 pm - 2:00 pm wake, feed, bathe, feed
2:00 pm - 5:00 pm sleep
5:00 pm - 8:00 pm wake, feed, chill
8:00 pm - 11:00 pm sleep
11:00 pm - 1:00 am wake, feed, REFUSE TO SLEEP
1:00 am - 7:00 am sleep (sometimes right through, or with one short wake around 4 am)So.. he gets about 9 hrs of sleep during the day at this point. During his waking time he is reallllly chill, except for that period just before 1:00am. That is always the time he misbehaves. During the day when he's awake we do tummy time for about 15 mins (should be longer but he hates it), I read to him, I sing to him, if I have things around the house to do I put him in the ergo and carry him around, put him in his swing for as long as he will allow (usually about 20-25 mins before he begins to fuss). And sometimes he just lays on the bed entertaining himself with little sounds. Sometimes I also take him on the porch in our hammock and swing with him a bit. That often puts him to sleep. He's generally happy doing all these things but if he begins to fuss, I offer him a boob. He never refuses and becomes content again.
-
@Mae: We've taken the baby out several places - outlet mall, splash park, mall, church, about 4 restaurants. He's slept through everything mostly. If he wakes up, one of us feeds him. But I've also had tons of help. DH, my mom, or my sister has been with us. I don't like just staying at home. He stays covered up and I don't let strangers touch him. I also make sure we all wash our hands.
He eats about every 2-3 hours and sometimes more often. He takes about 3-4 two hour naps during the day. Sometimes he's up for 2+ hours. He has been getting fussier lately in the evening but not too bad. I think it's gas bothering him. He is usually up and alert right at 9-11 when we all want to go to bed. Sometimes he falls right back at asleep at night feelings and other times it takes a bit more work.
I know this newborn stage doesn't last long so I'm trying to soak it in, especially since we may not have a 3rd. But honestly, it's so much more fun the older they get. And I can't wait to see him interact with his big brother.
I'm sorry. 
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
6012 comments